Moral Development within Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships - Essay Example

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Moral Development Within Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships I. Introduction Domestic violence is a personal tragedy. Yet, it occurs with some frequency every day in homes across the country. People everywhere are affected by domestic violence. Either someone is being abused or someone knows that abuse is occurring within the homes of friends and/or co-workers. Domestic violence is not glamorous, nor should it be portrayed as such in movies, film, and TV. The reality of domestic violence is that it is a detriment to society and its members. Domestic violence affects the mind, body, and spirit of both the person being abused as well as the abuser. Thus, the violence is done not only to one's physical body, but it affects one's emotional state. Here a few elements of domestic violence will be addressed. First, it will be examined what exactly is moral development, domestic violence, and types of abuse. Secondly, the personalities of the victim and the abuser will be analyzed, including the consequences of domestic violence. Third, and finally, studies, testimonies, developmental attributes, and domestic violence prevention will be discussed. There will also be a section devoted to concluding thoughts and other commentary. II. Moral Development, Domestic Violence, and Types of Abuse Moral development involves the evolution of a person's conscience over time. With regards to the person being abused, her moral values definitely can shape the relationship. For example, if a victim continues to exhibit lax moral behavior around the abuser, this can subsequently erode her case against her abuser if her case is taken to court. The plaintiff (the victim) will most likely be attacked by the abuser's lawyer in court, who will make accusations about the victim's moral laxity. The moral development of the victim over time will surely bear itself out, and once certain actions have been taken, the victim cannot reclaim these actions. Rather, the actions of the victim may come back to haunt her. Therefore, it is important for victims of domestic violence to try to live lives that are above reproach. This is a very important principle because, in court, the abuser's lawyer will no doubt try to discredit the victim. Thusly, it is a premier advantage to the victim to have complete and total control of her life, therefore not giving the abuser any leverage. If the victim is morally lax, it makes it easier for the abuser's defense team to destroy the victim again once more-only this time in a courtroom. Obviously, reliving moments of abuse once all the dirty laundry of a bad relationship is being aired is not a pleasant experience, but the victim must sometimes have instances like these in which she must confront her abuser in a blameless fashion. This is the point at which the woman finally has power and can rely on herself to be the stalwart in an uncertain world. The moral development of the abuser must at this point be taken into question. Without a doubt, the morals of the abuser are definitely going to be in question. What constitutes the moral development of an abuser The abuser may be knowingly or unknowingly abusing another person, and that is not beyond his or her control. However, one must frankly ask oneself what the state of mind of an abuser is in order to harm another human being. It is simply unconscionable what one person can do to another. The moral development of someone who is an abuser is obviously retarded in some sense. Someone who abuses another person does not have a good grasp on moral values which dictate that humans should be treated decently and with at least cordiality if not kindness. However, the abuser is really not a person who has the best morals in the first place to begin anyway. An abuser is someone who is conniving, devious, and exacting in their intent to harm another person-usually, but not always, a woman and sometimes a child. The abuser may be male or female, but usually women and children bear the brunt of any kind of abuse. Domestic violence is a type of violence which occurs within the home. The abuser may be a man or a woman, but the victim is most likely to be a woman or a child, as stated previously. Domestic violence is a serious problem which must be addressed by a social worker, if at all possible. However, domestic violence is a pervasive problem and one that cannot simply be solved by an individual coming into the home of the abuser and the victim(s), having the individual wave a wand, and then everything would be fine. In fact, everything is not fine. Everything is not fine because domestic violence is unacceptable behavior from anyone (man or woman) and must be stopped. Oftentimes in many cultures, domestic violence is not discussed because it is thought to be a private matter between partners in a relationship. However, domestic violence affects everyone involved in that couple's relationship-the family and friends of the victim, as well as the friends and family of the abuser. Most likely, what is going on in one's home is destined to spill over into other areas of one's life. Therefore, it is important to get a handle on domestic violence before the victim is seriously injured and/or killed. Domestic violence can have a very sad ending and can take a turn for the worst at the most unexpected moment; therefore it is a salient point one makes when choosing to counteract the violence with some preventative measures. Types of abuse that can happen include neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional/psychological abuse. Neglect is unfortunately rather common and this most often happens to children. They are left alone, unfed, often to their own devices, until someone unwittingly decides that their original home is not safe for them anymore because their parent(s) or guardian(s) cannot or will not take care of them properly. Neglect is an especially painful type of abuse for those involved because the wrongs-like all forms of abuse-cannot be undone, and these injustices stay within the minds of the children who are the victims. Long after children have been neglected, their bad memories will stay with them at times, and this causes psychological and other problems within children. Physical abuse is particularly traumatic. Whether it happens to a man, woman, or child (of either sex), physical abuse is particularly painful and awkward. Many times people who are physically abused are abused by people whom they know, i.e., close friends, and members of the family or of the community in which they live. This makes the abuse that much more traumatic because it happens on the victim's own turf. Physical abuse that occurs on a continual basis within the home is very traumatizing for an individual. The home is a place where one should feel safe, loved, and taken care of-not where one should be physically abused. People are hit, whipped, and all other kinds of physical abuse can take place which is simply unimaginable. Unfortunately, this occurs all too often. Sexual abuse is a kind of physical abuse which directly has sexual overtones. Whether an individual is forced to touch another person's genitals, have sex, or perform in another manner sexually for someone without that person's consent, that is sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can shatter an individual emotionally and otherwise, because one's psyche is closely related to one's sexuality. Especially if the people being sexually abused are children, the effects of such abuse can linger long after the abuse has actually taken place. This is closely related to emotional or psychological abuse, because the effects of any type of abuse relate to the emotions and the psyche. Emotional or psychological abuse is much more subtle at times and much more difficult to prove than neglect, physical abuse, or sexual abuse because technically the only proof is inside someone's mind. Victims know what kind of things have been said to them, although it may not be recorded-which makes it extra difficult to be proved in a court of law. Therefore, any kind of documentation that can be completed in order to prove emotional or psychological abuse is key to a court case when the plaintiff is presenting evidence. For example, a victim's journal detailing what was said or done to cause emotional or psychological damage to the victim could be very useful and serve as evidence in court. Emotional and psychological abuse could range from the abuser telling the victim things that would disturb his or her emotional state or make one otherwise uncomfortable, to performing acts in front of the victim which would be emotionally or psychologically disturbing. However, as aforementioned, emotional or psychological abuse is particularly difficult to prove in court due to the fact that it cannot necessarily be proved unless there is some type of written evidence documenting the abuse. III. Personalities of the Victim and the Abuser and Consequences The personality of the typical victim is usually rather unassuming. Easy targets for domestic violence include women, children, the elderly, and disadvantaged groups such as the mentally ill and disturbed. These victims are usually targeted due to the relative ease with which they can be manipulated. Women are particularly vulnerable in the cases where their abusers are men, because men are physically and biologically stronger than women. It is just in a man's physical make-up that he is more capable of committing violence and heinous acts on a woman more than it is for a woman. This is not to say that women cannot commit acts of domestic violence against men-they can-however, it is much more likely that men are going to commit domestic violence against women than the reverse is true. It is just more common. Women are very talkative and tend to express their emotions verbally. Men, however, are more physical beings. Thus, when things are going badly at work or a man is having personal problems, he is much more likely to take it out on his wife and kids than act out at work-although both are possible. The typical victim is most likely a kind and decent person, who, through no fault of his or her own, gets stuck in an abusive situation. Depending on the level of severity of the domestic violence, the victim may be afraid to tell friends or family members or otherwise reach out for help in any capacity-perhaps having been threatened with death, more abuse, or abandonment by the abuser. Many people, including women, put up with such abuse because they are unable to get out of their current situation. Children are also easy targets because they are basically helpless in some regard. Children are dependent on their parents, so if a parent abuses them, they may wonder if they would be taken out of their respective homes if they told anyone about the abuse occurring in their homes. Children are much more susceptible to being taken advantage of by strangers, as well, because they are young, impressionable, and easy targets for kidnappers. Because children are usually innocent and very unassuming, they are most likely to be duped into doing something that they may not want to do or be otherwise abused, knowingly or unknowingly. The elderly are another targeted population because they are more feeble, have difficulty seeing and controlling themselves, and are in general in a stage of their lives where debilitations are more common and people can take advantage of their respective weaknesses. Another population at-risk for being abused in any capacity includes the mentally ill and mentally disturbed. Since this population may have difficulty with perception, it may be easier to take advantage of their disabilities or ailments that way. Thus, these populations are all at-risk for being abused in some form or fashion. The consequences of domestic violence are that the victims will feel worthless, debilitated, weak, powerless, beaten down, and possibly emotionally or physically or sexually dominated by the abuser. Victims of domestic violence of any kind may feel like the odds are stacked against them, and that they are down for the count. The hope in all this is that there are ways to prevent domestic violence, as well as preempt problems that may arise. There is also a way to counteract violence and ways in which people can learn how to defend themselves against violence. However, one must be willing to educate oneself and become informed, in order so that such occurrences are the exception and not the rule. Common threats that abusers make to their victims include that they may kill the victim, harm the victim, or otherwise make life miserable for the victim. Thus, victims may face a formidable task in avoiding the violence altogether, but it is a goal well worth it. The fact that the victim is thinking about getting away from the abuser is a good start. IV. Studies, Testimonies, Developmental Attributes, and Domestic Violence Prevention Studies have proven that abusers who go to jail are less likely to abuse again. It was "reported that in three studies, offenders assigned to the arrest group had higher levels of repeat offending (recidivism) and that in the other three studies, a statistically significant but modest reduction was found among batterers assigned to arrest" (Maxwell, et. al., 2001, pgh. 2). Following are the testimonies of two well-known women who were in abusive relationships. Their individual stories are enlightening. Singer Rihanna was recently publicly abused by Chris Brown when he hit her. "Despite her love for Brown, Rihanna said she now realizes that love shouldn't be the reason for going back to an abuser. 'It was a wake-up call for me, big time, especially when I took myself out of the situation'" (Vena, 2009, pgh. 3). Additionally, Rihanna said, "'And I'll say that to any young girl who is going through domestic violence: Don't react off of love,' she explained. 'F love. Come out of the situation and look at it third person and for what it really is, and then make your decision, because love is so blind'" (Vena, 2009, pgh. 3). Singer Whitney Houston was also in an abusive relationship. "While Houston contended that [her partner Bobby] Brown was not physically abusive, she said, 'He slapped me once and he got hit over the head. He slapped me, but he was on probation for traffic violations,' she said 'It went to domestic violence court'" (Marikar, 2009, pghs. 4-5). The developmental attributes of domestic violence are often inexact. However, domestic violence usually occurs out of the desire for one person to control another. Domestic violence prevention includes: getting in touch with a local domestic violence program; creating a plan designed for the victim's safety; considering legal avenues available; having other people get involved; finding people who will show concern; and finding a support system or network. Contacting a local domestic violence program can be the difference between life and death for a woman who is in serious need of counseling and other services. Additionally, a woman who is in a situation where she is being abused needs to formulate a comprehensive plan of some type to leave that abusive situation. Ideally, the woman who needs to get away from her abuser should throw the full weight of her power behind trying to shut out the abuser and his tactics, i.e., she should call the police, get a restraining order, kick the abuser out of the house, and take the kids all at once. In other words, the victim should try to throw all of the weight onto the shoulders of the abuser and take the focus off of her and place it onto him. All of a sudden, it is the abuser who is on the defensive. It is the abuser who must deal with the restraining order, having been kicked out his own house, and being without his kids. This should sound an alarm bell off in the head of the abuser, that will have the effect of making him realize that the victim cannot be pushed around or taken by force anymore. With the weight of all these elements piled on top of him at once, the abuser will be confused and may try to lash out. Therefore, it is of premier importance that, even at the sound of a phone call, the woman should not hesitate to call police if she knows it is her abuser. That is harassment and therefore it can be reported as such. In all honesty, throwing such a large amount of issues at the abuser will most likely catch him off guard and cause him to react in some manner. However, since the abuser is on the offensive, the victim must be wary of retaliation now, since she has acted in order to protect herself and her family. She is sending the message to her abuser that she will not be taken for granted any longer and is learning to stand on her own two feet, without a man, much less without a man who would willingly harm or abuse her. At this juncture, the victim should consider taking legal action. If the abuser violates the restraining order, this should be reported. Extra locks on doors and windows wouldn't hurt. When a person is living in fear of being killed or otherwise harmed by someone else, all the extra precautions taken could make a big difference. Having other people involved (such as friends, family, and other allies) can help the victim leave the abusive cycle. Finding people who will show concern for the victim's plight as well as be allies in her fight to end the abuse is a novel and welcome idea. The victim needs to find a support network that will help her through the crisis that she finds herself in when she is worried about a retaliatory spouse or partner coming to harm her. There is still hope yet to be had. V. Conclusion Hopefully domestic violence is something that one's mother, sister, cousin, daughter, child, or friend will never experience. However, domestic violence does occur with some prevalence and therefore people are encouraged to learn more about domestic violence and how to prevent it. People should keep in mind the moral development of both the victim and the abuser. While the victim is likely to have more of a grounding in morals than the abuser, the key for the victim is not to have a record of any kind that suggests moral laxity-so that the abuser cannot browbeat the victim in court. Domestic violence is a tragedy which unfortunately occurs all too often. The types of abuse that can occur may be neglect, physical, sexual, or emotional/psychological abuse. Personalities of the victim and the abuser may vary. However, the consequences of abuse are the same: pain and hurt. Studies show that abusers who are arrested are more likely not to be repeat offenders. Testimonies from victims of note have decried domestic violence and exposed its evils. The developmental attributes of domestic violence are probably many, but mainly what drives an abuser is the abuser's lust for power and control over another human being. Fortunately, what can be done to remedy domestic violence is first to attempt prevention, so that domestic violence does not occur. Victims should seek help. REFERENCES Marikar, S. (2009). Whitney Houston reveals dark days with Bobby Brown: 'he spit on me.' Available: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/whitney-houston-discusses-bobby-brown-oprah- winfrey/storyid=8568203. Maxwell, C.D., Garner, J.H., and Fagan, J.A. (2001). The effects of arrest on intimate partner violence: new evidence from the spouse assault replication program. USA: National Institute of Justice. Available: http://www.ncjrs.gov/txtfiles1/nij/188199.txt. Vena, J. (2009). Rihanna says reconciling with Chris Brown was 'selfish.' Available: http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1625556/20091105/rihanna.jhtml. Read More