Psychology Is the Study of Mans Behavior - Essay Example

Psychology 15 December 2008 Love: Themes and Variations Psychology is the study of mans behavior and the internal and external factors that influence it. One of the most recent upsurges in the study of psychological human behavior is aimed at the understanding of what love is and what causes it. And since psychology is a multi-disciplinary science -no single definition is sufficient to explain what love is, why we fall in love or the different kinds of love that exist. For the purpose of this paper I will be focusing on compassionate love and try to understand how compassionate love is explained by the different theories of love. What form would compassion take in 'attachment love', for instance Sternberg terms compassion as, "The second type of love that involves concern for another's welfare and takes actions to promote it, regardless of whether these actions are perceived to result in future benefits to the self. In the original taxonomy I called this kind of love, "altruistic love" although it goes by a number of other names including " charitable love" "brotherly love ", "communal love " agape and Maslow's term, "B-love or love for another being." (Sternberg, Psychology of love, 1988 p 178.) Sternberg goes on to elaborate that compassionate love consists of liking without sexual desire. He traces compassionate love to humanities biological heritage. The extreme helplessness of a human infant who cannot even hold his/her head upright for the first five months and needs the support of an elder care giver who nurtures his life guided primarily with the feelings of compassionate love for the completely vulnerable and helpless organism that man is at birth. So the perpetuation of the species to a large extent is dependent on the compassion and care our older care givers gave us to enable us to survive. Sternberg states that compassionate love results from both intimacy and commitment - (minus the passion). Compassion is an unconditional love rather like the love God has for humanity or like the brotherly/sisterly love shared by homeless people who share a deeper caring for each other even though they are not related. By its very definition compassionate love in my view is important as it will act as an anti-dote to fight terrorism and the senseless hatred of people who are different. More then any other kind of love, compassion is the one type of love that will facilitate a perpetuation of the species because, the more compassion we have for each other, the less likely we are to bump each other off. Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love states love has three components- 1) Intimacy 2) Passion 3) Commitment. Various combinations of these result in different types of love. For example, a combination of intimacy and commitment results in compassionate love. According to Sternberg compassion is a more durable form of love as it is based on the two elements of commitment as well as intimacy, while love that is based on a single element, like say, passion is more likely to fizzle out with time. In this paper we will examine various theories on love to try and better understand the nature of love in general and compassionate love in particular. Biology of Psychology Here is the idea- 'Natural selection' offers the advantage of survival and so is more likely to be practiced by future generations. Darwin states, "can we doubtthat individuals having any advantage, however slight, over others, would have the best chance of surviving and of procreating their kind On the other hand, we may feel sure that any variation in the least degree injurious would be rigidly destroyed. This preservation of favorable variations and the rejection of injurious variations, I call Natural Selection."(Darwin, 1859, Natural Selection, The Origin of Species,) It could be that when we fall in love we are choosing the path of natural selection for the efficient perpetuation of our species; by unconsciously choosing a mate who is most likely to give us healthy offspring who can survive the onslaughts of life. In chapter 13 of 'A handbook of Evolutionary Psychology' David Buss from the University of Michigan asks us to imagine a world in which there were no mate preferences. Where mate selection was a random process and where there were equal chances of mating with anyone who came along, regardless of how they looked or how weak they were. But he points out that the very opposite is true and that we are attracted to and fall in love with people who somehow satisfy our blue print for an ideal mate. This is because the selection of the right mate in prehistoric times was central not only to ones own survival but also to the survival of our species. According to Darwin sexual selection is of two kinds, the first is through competition amongst members of the same sex for a preferred mate and the second is the choosing of a mate with the right qualifications. A large part of the way in which we select our mates in order to perpetuate the species imply the use of 'natural selection' to ensure the survival of the species. The biological aspect of love is also heavily dependent on gender defined roles in which a woman usually subscribes to a more compassionate and committed love that includes both friendship and a pragmatic outlook; while men have a more passionate concept of love. The biological theory on love states that these prototypes of love, like 'Tall dark and handsome' have their roots in our biological system and is wired in to the very way our brain operates. Our study of the phenomenon of 'love' would therefore include the study of Genetics -(the science which examines how genes operate in populations by transmitting and determining their structure and function in certain groups of people.) It was thanks to the Austrian monk, Gregor Mendel, who first defined 'heredity' to map out how an individual could inherit traits and tendencies from their parents and other ancestors. This theory of 'natural selection' has helped me to understand the biological reason for love which is that love exists primarily for the perpetuation of the species. It explains why we are attracted to partners with physical beauty or strength and this process of 'natural selection' is wired in to us due to the survival instinct. But while we look towards biology to understand the underlying biological factors for love we should also recognize that there are many other factors-like culture and emotions that can help us to understand love better. At the end of the day, it would be safe to say that genetic makeup is affected by the environment and the environment in its turn is effected by our genes since both heredity and environment ultimately, together, influence our behavior. Language and Thought Here is the idea- The "linguistic relativity hypothesis" postulates that a particular language can influence the thoughts of its speakers. If this is true then different language patterns could yield different ideas about what love is in the minds of the speaker community. Since language has been defined as, 'A set of symbols that convey meaning, and rules for combining those symbols, that can be used to generate an infinite variety of messages,' and since Linguistic relativity states that one's language determines the nature of one's thought - (as stated by Edward Sapir and Benjamin Whorf;) Then a study of the language and culture of a group should give a deeper insight in to the meaning of love-in that culture in particular. According to Sterngerg each of us longs to enact our story of love based on what our culture has to say about it. These things are taught and learned and they are passed down from generation to generation. Our love stories have their roots in fairy tales or epics which in turn greatly influence our own story of love. There are so many instances of lovers in the classical stories of various civilizations starting with Romeo and Juliet. Their love was immortalized in the words of the great bard Shakespeare who also has so much to tell us about love including, "If music be the food of love, play on." For love to happen every note has to communicate with another through the senses of sight and touch. Only then can we communicate that love by expressing ones compassion in caring ways. It was compassion that drove Jesus to heal the sick, to feed the hungry and to bring the dead back to life. The story of the New Testament is therefore nothing more then the story of compassion for fellow human beings, and in that sense was the precursor for the philosophy of humanism which has to also be built on the foundation of compassion. In chapter 10 of the book the 'New psychology of love' M. Cark and J.Monin talk about 'Giving and receiving communal Responsiveness as love.' Compassion is an unconditional responsiveness that focuses on the welfare of the other. It is manifest in the love a mother has for her child, or a lover who looks to fulfill the needs, wants and goals of his/her loved one. It consists of helping through support, forgiveness and through symbols-like the cross, a red rose or a wedding ring. All these as well as a heart are the symbols of love that are found abundantly in various cultures. But compassion can only be felt for another living being. You cannot really feel much compassion for a broken table. You would strongly regret the fact that it has been broken but you could not feel compassion for it. Compassion can only be felt for living things including human beings and animals. A tiger would feel compassion for its young and their cubs would carry imprints of this compassion in their neuropath ways to help them to nurture and protect their young, till they are ready to take on survival on their own. Open communication is certainly the fire that feeds the flames of love. And that communication of love is sometimes glimpsed in another's eye ultimately leaves us with a feeling of oneness or unity. Like the unconditional love that Jesus had for all mankind. Apart from religious texts with their stories of love, the words and sentiments expressed in the classic love story of a particular language for instance, would give us an insight on the ideal of love as it is depicted in that culture and thus the reader could refer to that as a 'role model' and try to emulate it or to live up to it in their own love story. The ideal of love as it is depicted through the poetic language of some of Shakespeare's works for example, help one to perceive higher forms of romantic love that the layman could aspire towards. So while this romantic aspect of love can be better understood through the language of poets, the compassionate aspect of love is told in the language of the 'New Testament' in particular that has given me a deeper insight in to the idea of compassionate love. If there was no 'language' for Jesus to speak in then all his lofty thoughts on love would be lost from us. The whole o the Christian Religion is based on the idea of having compassion for those who are less fortunate then us. Since the only real commandment Jesus brought with Him was to, "Love one another." And this commandment is no less important today for on it depends the survival of the species with a safer future for our children. If terrorism, today's greatest threat is born of hatred, then compassion for the poor and needy would help to overthrow terrorism. Economic necessity can often be the root cause of a terror attack. For instance the only surviving terrorist from the 10 who recently attacked Mumbai stated that he had participated in the terror attack so that his parents could receive over $ 2000/- after he died. Terrorists are mostly unemployed and uneducated people who are desperate. Some timely compassion towards these people by building schools and offering employment programs can go a long way in averting future terrorist disasters through the timely care that is sparked of by compassion. If this happened then poorer people would not need to resort to terrorism. So to sum up so far, we have seen that 'compassionate love' is both a biological product of our genes and is also influenced by the 'learnt and shared behavior' that makes up our culture. The Christian culture motivates its followers to better the lives of the less fortunate. The power of language expresses the compassion of Christianity to help the reader to see and understand the more spiritual or self-less and noble aspects of love in general and Compassion in particular. Human Memory Here is the idea- Repression-keeps stressful thoughts and feelings buried in the consciousness in order to avoid the anxiety of having to deal with them out there in the open. In other words it is possible to love someone unconsciously without even being aware of loving them, because you may have repressed this feeling of love in your conscious memory. The Hippocampus In our brains is mainly in charge of short term memory formation, while the cerebrum is in charge of both long and short term memory. So the memories of a loved one, both long term as well as short term, that will motivate us to act in a caring way towards them, are etched in to the neuropath ways of our brain. But if we repress our memory of them in to the unconscious state then this is what Freud would term as 'repression' that is really an armor to shield ourselves from stressful memories by forgetting about them. "In Freud's theory of "repression" the mind automatically banishes traumatic events from memory to prevent overwhelming anxiety. Freud further theorized that repressed memories cause "neurosis," which could be cured if the memories were made conscious. " John Hockmann The idea that we knowingly or unknowingly hide unpleasant or threatening memories from ourselves due to anxiety is a part of Freud's repression theory. Repressing or failing to acknowledge the love for others could be due to early rejection by either parent that has resulted in what is known as 'Separation anxiety.' The repression of 'Separation anxiety.' for instance could be at the root cause of feelings of insecurity that leave you convinced that a loved one is going to let you down. Separation anxiety could be the reason we sometimes refuse to acknowledge love and run away from the love of others to avoid feeling overly anxious about the fact that they may be separated from you later. Either because they find you undeserving, or because they may one day die. To avoid feeling the pain of separation anxiety I suspect that I sometimes tend to avoid any long term commitment that could leave me feeling rejected again, as I once was because my parents are both working people. I now understand why I tend to become compulsively possessive and jealous on the rare occasion when I do allow myself to fall in love. This is because our memories of love are etched or 'wired-in' along the neuropath ways of our minds. Deeper memories that last, do so because they have been rehearsed or repeated and our memories are better at remembering what we repeatedly do. Most of us have vivid memories of the time when we first met someone we loved. These can be termed as 'flashbulb memories' that are really vivid with detailed recollections of what he/she said or wore. But these short term vivid memories may or may not make their way in to becoming long-term memories that can hold endless information over a lifetime. With time we may also loose the memory of a love story due to repression or the forgetting curve that results in gradual forgetfulness, especially after a new partner comes in to the picture. Still it is interesting to note that a man is more likely to, 'Fall in love at first sight' and believe he has found his soul mate, then a woman who would be less hasty to draw the same conclusions. Forgetting a previous love could also be due to the ' decay theory' or due to the interfering memories of a competing partner. Motivation and emotion No paper on the themes and variations of love would be complete if they neglected to examine the part motives and emotions play when we fall in love. The idea that, "Love is the essence of human experience and emotion. It is at the root of all and everything we, as humans, do. Without love, what do we have to live for" The love our parents have for us or the act of meeting and marrying someone so that our story ends in a "And they lived happily ever after" are really the defining moment of all our lives. As social beings we live in groups and value the affection of our fellow human beings. The need to love and be loved is at best at the very root of the institution of 'family' that is based on fulfilling the primary needs for love, care, shelter and food. "Love at the very essence is an emotion. There are many kinds of definition to what love and emotion is. But Emotion in the purest form is simply Energy In Motion (E-Motion). Feeling is Perception of Emotion. You may not be conscious of an emotion but it still runs by itself in your subconscious. Love is the highest level of energy that exists." Enoch Tan, 'Emotion of love-purest motive force,' December 2008/mind reality.com There are basically two types of views on Love as an Emotion. 1. As an emotion proper it has been likened to an "evaluative-cum-motivational response to an object" Emotions like love need to be targeted or directed towards someone. When I fall in love with 'x' ' I implicitly evaluate 'x' in a distinct way due to my emotions for it. When I fall in love with 'x' I am simultaneously evaluating 'x' to see if it is worthy of being loved. (Since, as discussed earlier, our very survival is linked to the kind of mating choice we make. So I would in effect, value the ones I love due to the qualities they possess. Emotions have a phenomenological dimension. At the end of the day emotions are passions. 2. Love as an Emotion Complex: This view of love as an emotion complex sees love as a complex emotional attitude we hold for others. This emotion complex includes emotional interconnectivity and the 'depth' of love or compassion that we can feel, due to our emotional interconnections. Emotions like love or compassion "arise from, and are shaped by, dynamic interactions between a subject and an object" (Rorty 1986/1993 p. 73). In other with the loved one who has to be "identified by a characteristic narrative history" (p. 75). At the end of the day the emotion of love has a transforming effect. (Just like a kiss from the Princess is enough to turn a frog in to a prince!) Human Development- . According to Philip Shaver and Mario Mikulintser in 'A behavioral systems approach to romantic love relationships' in which they shortlist- 1.Attachment 2 Care giving 3. Sex-as the three behavioral systems. While the first system of 'attachment' is geared towards ensuring that the person stays close to the object of attachment, in order to better procure the care and protection it desperately needs to survive. As human beings we go through various stages of development in our lives, from our infancy to adulthood and old age and the kind of love we need varies from one stage to the next. Through all these stages of development, love is important to us in one way or another. Jean Piaget who studied the stages of intellectual development was a developmental biologist who devoted his entire life to observing the intellectual capacities of babies, children and adolescents. According to Piaget the human brain does not develop completely till the late teens or early adulthood. We could certainly say that attachment kind of love would play a strong role in all the following stages of development, except the last one- 1) The Sensory Motor Stage from birth to 2 years of age. At this stage the baby is only able to think of its own needs and interests. 2. Pre-Operations Stage from 2 years to 7 years- by the end of this stage a child will stop believing they are the center of the world 3. Concrete Operations Stage from 7years-to 11years. During this stage, the child becomes more mature and less egocentric. In this stage children learn that objects are not what they seem and this gives birth to the 'what if' scenario. They learn that the same objects can be arranged in different ways. 4. Formal Operations Stage from 11years to 16 years. In this stage the child gets the ability to think in abstract thoughts. This allows adolescent's to day dream about the probability of their soon falling in love.(What if) These day-dreams are helped along somewhat by the added testosterone (in males) and estrogen (in females.) These hormonal changes will make them feel more interested in the opposite sex and susceptible to the third kind of 'sexual love'. In other words, the kind of love we experience-(attachment, sexual or care giver kind)-is largely determined by the developmental stage we are in. Sexual love is only possible once one has matured sexually. Piaget's 'stages of development' theory has helped me to understand why I felt a clinging kind of love for my parents, a sexual love in my teenage years and now a more caring kind of compassionate love that means that I am not wrapped up in my own needs but in the needs of others in general and future generations. By taking us from one level of motor proficiency to levels for abstract thought, the developmental theory has helped me to clearly see my story of love and how it has changed and keeps changing as I grow from one stage to the next. So what else have I learnt about love is from the attached of love I felt for and from my childhood care givers. Love exhibited by my parents and grand-parents has better helped me to understand all the subtle nuances of love. I have also learnt a lot about love from the biological, cultural as well as developmental aspects of psychology. These apart I have learnt about the compassionate higher kind of spiritual love for those less fortunate then us, from the New Testament. I recently gained a new insight on how we could love everyone, even those whom we perceive to be the baddies while reading the book, 'Same Soul, many bodies' by Dr. Brian Weiss who is a practicing psychologist. In this book Dr. Weiss suggests thinking of potentially dangerous groups as ordinary people who also have parents and children and who have known the joys and struggles of life. To exist at all the concept of love has to pre-suppose the idea of 'the other' and the caring we are able to afford them with. In the swinging 60s the pursuit of love as a kind of religion vs. war became a kind of watch word among the youth who went on to embrace peace, flower power and the slogan, 'make love, not war.' For the moment it seemed as if love did indeed make the world go round, but then it was back to business in the 80s and 90s. My life so far and the study of other lives through history and literature have also taught me a lot on the nature and different forms of love which play a crucial part in spreading a spirit of co-operation between different segments or individuals in a society. This feeling of love I have understood is what has given us the feeling of unity and oneness. As a global village we are but one world that has to learn to share and protect its resources for future generations; and the way to do that is by loving each other and our natural heritage enough to protect it. We can change the world through the power of love because to love brings about transformations in our lives. I think that out of all the things I can have in life, love is the most valuable to me because, we all need to be loved and liked by our fellow human beings. To me love is that magical quality that lifts life up from mundane levels in to a world that is enveloped in a sense of well- being and positivism. To conclude, I have learnt so much about Psychology and love this semester. I have learnt that psychology seeks to understand human behavior in general and love in particular. I have realized that like the 5 blind men feeling the different parts of an elephant, different aspects of psychology seek to grasp different aspects of the phenomenon of love between human beings. This semester has just whet my appetite to learn more about love and how we relate to each other, because at the end of the day, human relationships of all kinds are based on one form of love or another and these really shape and define our lives. After this semester I want to not only learn more about love and human relationships; I want to learn how I can apply this knowledge to my own ideas on love in order to make them more workable. The study of psychology in general and love in particular is helping me to understand my relationships and deepest longings. They are giving me a deeper insight in to my life. But I also aim to one day be in a position to apply this knowledge by transferring it on a day to day basis to people who need to know about love. This could be in places like prisons or reformatory schools that would probably be starved of love. I have learnt that to fully understand something one needs to take an inter-disciplinary approach because ultimately all things are interrelated. Works Cited 1. Crawford, Charles & Krebs, Dennis, 'Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology' 1998 2. Dubey, S,M, 'Sociology, an introduction' NECRT 1990, Delhi 3. Rosenfels, Paul, Love And Power: The Psychology Of Interpersonal Creativity'1966 4. Sones, Bill, 'Love is primary in us all', Dec 14, 2006, accessed on 14/12/2008 indarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4188/is_/ai_n16906227 5. Sternberg, Robert & Weis, Karin, 'The new psychology of love' Amazon 1988 6. Sternberg, Robert, 'Love is a story' Oxford University Press, USA (June 3, 1999) 7. Sternberg, Robert, 'A duplex theory of love' 1986 8. Sullivan, Sheila, 'Psychological notes: What happens when we fall in love accessed on 14/12/2008 in indarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4188/is_/ai_n16906227 9. Tan, Enoch, 'Emotion of love-purest motive force,' December 2008; mind reality.com 10. Weiten, Wayne, 'Psychology themes & variations 7th edition' Amazon, 2007 http://psych.athabascau.ca/html/aupr/social.shtml/social and cultural accessed 14/10/2008 11. Weiss, Brian, 'Same Soul many bodies' Freepress, US 2004 Read More