Death Cab For Cutie: I Will Possess Your Heart - Essay Example

Death Cab For Cutie: “I Will Possess Your Heart” The image of a lovelorn suitor standing outside the window of the beloved and singing his heart outis part of romantic culture in many civilizations across the world and throughout history. Great writers in many different genres explore the rich emotional landscape of love which is not, or not yet, fulfilled, from Shakespreares Romeo and Juliet to the Beatles’ innocent appeal “I wanna hold your hand” and thousands more modern love lyrics. From time immemorial love has been described as a sickness, or a chase, where the man usually does the chasing and the woman plays the role of the chased. These are metaphors for courtship rituals which appear to be part of the biological and social makeup of both humans and animals. The haunting song “I Will Possess Your Heart” (2008) by American Indie band Death Cab for Cutie certainly builds on this tradition, but it adds something sinister and decidedly modern: the image of the stalker, lying in wait for his victim. This image, also drawn from the animal world, suggests a large animal, like one of the big cats on the African plains, stealthily approaching its prey in order to pounce and kill the defenceless victim for food. A lonely, obsessive figure, usually male and vaguely threatening, this type of romantic love relationship is more akin to madness and more likely to lead to violence and crime. It is the dark side of modern love relationships and the culture of celebrity and fandom seems to provide a fertile ground for it to grow. The song “I will Possess Your Heart” consists of a very long instrumental introduction, which is often omitted when the song is played on the radio, and a shorter sung component at the end. It is mesmerising, repetitive and it has a hallucinatory quality which is produced partly by the interweaving, psychedelic mood of the introduction, against a simple drumbeat, and partly by the rather high, melodic voice of lead singer Ben Gibbard. Most teenage listeners will have experienced feelings of intense love for someone, and desire to possess that person’s heart, in a figurative sense, along with feelings of isolation and rejection when they realise that they do not have the confidence and skills to turn this overwhelming desire into an actual lived relationship. These feelings are a normal part of growing up in the developed world and the music scene reflects the anguish and longing of immature sexual desire. Most people would agree, however that there is a difference between a normal teenage “crush” on someone, which is seen as a learning experience and preparation for later mature relationships, and something more worrisome, and when love becomes obsession. Deciding where to draw the line between harmless infatuation and the menace of stalking has proved to be extremely difficult, however, even for the mental health experts and law enforcement organisations who have to deal with the sometimes tragic consequences. Mullen et al. (2009) identify the source of the concept of “stalking” in its modern sense as a consequence of relatively recent changes in the way our modern society understands relationships between people: “Initially the term stalking was used by the media to describe the behaviour of the unwanted followers of the famous. It was later extended to include those who harassed ex-partners, co-workers, casual acquaintances and a whole range of fellow citizens.” (Mullen et al. 2009, p.11). The reason for this new concept relates to a shift in social values. Feminism and equal opportunities legislation have removed many traditional privileges that men enjoyed, such as the ability to exercise actual control over girlfriends and wives. There is now a prevailing general principle that everyone, including women, should be free to make their own decisions and determine their own actions on a free and equal basis. The actual formulation of the American law defined stalking in 1996 as “a purposeful course of action directed at a person that would cause reasonable fear of bodily injury or deathm either to oneself or a family member and that actually induces such fear” (Mullen et al., 2009, p. 266). This is, in effect, a shift in the balance of power and it has caused a certain amount of resentment and insecurity on the part of those who can no longer rely on social acceptance of coercing or even violent demonstrations of dominant behaviour. Early infatuation and difficulty in adjusting to rejection are, however, also part of the “normal” spectrum of behaviour, and most textbooks and critical articles on the topic of relationship formation and relationship dissolution describe the long negotiation and mutual adjustment phases that every couple must go through if they are to arrive at a successful romantic attachment or detachment. Falling in love, and falling out of it, is a cliché which absolves the participant from any responsibility for his or her actions, and this belongs firmly in the domain of fiction and fantasy while building healthy relationships in the real world is a two-way process and both parties must contribute to the establishment of acceptable goals and boundaries for the interactions between them. It is clear from the repeated chorus of “I Will Possess Your Heart” that the persona of the singer is not in the least concerned about negotiating the terms for initiating a romantic connection: “You gotta spend some time, love/You gotta spend some time with me/And I know that you will find love/I will possess your heart.” The perspective is one-sided, and repeated over and over again. Possession of one person by another is an excessive ambition which does not give space to the other person’s wishes. These are is classic warning signs that can predict the potential for stalking. Cupach and Spitzberg have surveyed the burgeoning literature on stalking since the 1970s in order to provide a meta-analysis of the research so far which they call “The Topography of Unwanted Pursuit” (Cupach and Spitzberg, 2004, pp. 35-91). They conclude that as many as 27% of all women and 10% of all men can expect to be stalked at least once in their lifetime, and that “most of such stalking emerges from relationships otherwise considered close or romantic” (Cupach and Spitzberg, 2004, p. 91). While recognizing that there are many different degrees of stalking and many different motivations for different kinds of stalkers, Cupach and Spitzberg pinpoint an area of human development as a source of clues to reveal why stalking should arise in some people and not others. Based on the attachment theory of personal development they assert “Individuals who are insecurely attached, particularly those who exhibit anxiety about relationships tend to possess characteristics that would put them at risk for obsessively pursuing relationships” (Cupach and Spitzberg, 2004, p. 95). It certainly seems that the persona of the singer in “I Will Possess Your Heart” displays both anxiety and attachment difficulties in the way he tries to speak to the object of his desire. A question which is raised by the song is that of the seriousness or otherwise of this type of behaviour. Quite a few empirical studies have looked backwards from the point when a stalker has been diagnosed, or in extreme cases tried and convicted for serious crimes related to stalking activity and have compared large numbers of serious and not-so-serious stalking case to try and ascertain any factors which characterize each of the two groups. The work of Mullen and his co-authors in a number of books and papers on this subject has much to promote more clarity and unity of terminology and definition in this field. One a study by Mullen et al, of 1999, accepted that stalking is such a widely used term that it defies any definitive categorisation but suggested a very useful distinction between serious stalking, which leads to assault, and less serious kinds which result in more minor offences and harassment. They used this approach on a sample of stalkers and estimated that about 36% of them were assaultive (Mullen et al, 1999). A smaller but very detailed report by James and Farnham of 2003 looked at a sample 85 stalkers, the large majority of which were both male and single. Although wide range of ages, qualification levels and ethnic origins were represented in this group, it is noticeable that 49% had no educational qualifications, 74% were unemployed and 52% had a history of previous contact with psychiatric services (James and Farnham, 2003, p. 434). They too, had difficulty cutting through all the variables and finding specific correlations across the board but they concluded that the most serious stalking assaults were committed by men who had no previous convictions or associations with violence, and were more likely to be employed while the less serious cases were likely to involve previous convictions, violence, substance abuse etc. This means that any study of stalking must be designed in such a way as to take account of different types of potential stalker, with different histories and different motivations. One interesting aspect of the study of stalking is that for understandable reasons to do with prevention and case management, most of the attention is devoted to understanding the origins of the phenomenon in the background and behaviour of the stalker. Like the young man in the song, it is all about him and his feelings, with little care for the victim. McEwan et al (2009) explore also the effect of stalking on the victim, and the on-going potential for harm that exists, even in those cases described above which fall under the category of “minor” assaults and infringements. Some kinds of psychological damage are cumulative, and there are many cases of stalking which go on for months and even years. Even when stalking has demonstrably stopped, the covert nature of many stalkers’ behaviour leads the victims to fear that it might recur at any time and may even escalate and cause yet more psychological or physical damage. Their study concludes that “the best predictor of the duration of stalking is the prior relationship with the stalker.” (McEwen et al, 2007, p. 6) In general, the more intimate the prior relationship, the longer the stalking is likely to continue. The studies seem to agree that ex-partner stalking is also likely to result in the most violent outcomes. This is not to say that stranger stalkings are never violent, but simply an observation of the samples examined in the literature so far. A further complication in the study of stalking is the confusion which exists in different countries and even in different states within the same country regarding how stalking should be defined, and what constitutes criminal as opposed to just annoying or even normal assertive behaviour. Pathe et al (2004) conclude that although Australia has done much to introduce effective legislation to protect victims of stalking, there are continuing problems with interpretation of these laws in individual cases, and it still happens that stalkers can evade prosecution. In the United States of America laws have been passed and then withdrawn because they could not stand up to challenges from those arguing for freedoms and rights to do with aspects of divorce settlements, child access and freedom of speech. The dramatic and tragic cases are easier to categorize but the difficulty comes in the grey areas of motivation in the context of domestic relationships. Lawyers can exploit the ambiguities inherent in words like “reasonable” and “intentional” making it very difficult to prepare watertight prosecution cases against alleged stalkers. There is, in our media-obsessed modern world, one category of stalker which appears to be quite different from the majority described above. This is the celebrity stalker phenomenon which we read about in the newspapers all the time. A recent study by Mullen et al (2009) examines a unique long term data base of materials relating to the many privacy incursions, attempted assaults and other stalker-related activities which have been recorded in relation to the British Royal Family. Unlike the other studies on a broader sample basis, this one finds that over 80% of the individuals who came under scrutiny were suffering from serious mental illness. Most of these events are relatively trivial in terms of the amount of violence which actually occurs, but it is important to remember that the Royal Family enjoys unprecedented levels of police protection way beyond the means of all but the super-rich and so it is impossible to tell which of these stalking or similar events might have resulted in serious or even less serious violence, had the protection not been in place. This special factor means that it is neither wise nor fruitful to include the data from this study with the others described above. This article proves the point, however, that the phenomenon of stalking remains multi-faceted and very difficult to classify and evaluate, even after some thirty years of study in both medical and legal domains. Returning now to the lonesome young man singing the Death Cab for Cutie song it is clear that he does fit some of the profile for stalking behaviours which has been outlined in the scientific studies above. On one level he sounds like a harmless lovesick teenager, suffering a bad case of infatuation with a girl of his own age who does not return his offers of affection: “You reject my advances and desperate please/I won’t let you let me down so easily”. His voice is sad rather than angry, and the melody is lyrical rather than aggressive, all of which suggests that he is still, in the song, at the stage of pleading his case and begging her to pay attention to him. Some women would find this flattering, and some might even expect this element of flattery at the early stages of getting to know someone. On another level, however, the hypnotic repetition of the song suggests that this is not the first time he has made these requests of her, and he appears to be persisting despite a very clear indication from the woman, that his feelings are not reciprocated. This could be interpreted as a sign that the singer’s persona is one of the second category discussed above, namely the harassing but not very dangerous individual who has trouble forming relationships, and who makes a nuisance of himself because he cannot deal very well with the everyday transactions of human relationships. It is quite clear that the song does not present a picture of the most dangerous type of stalker: the violent and vengeful ex-lover who is angry about the loss of a past relationship and eager to vent his feelings on the victim, regardless of the consequences for himself. In summary, therefore, the song makes listeners think about romantic relationships, showing the temptation that some people feel to engage in obsessive behaviours, and the attraction of longing, and dreaming about the beloved person. The note of unease in the chords, however, sends a warning to the listeners so that they can realise it is a fantasy, and not a real situation. The song is a commentary on contemporary relationships, and as such, it leaves the exact definition of terms ambiguous, letting listeners work out for themselves how to interpret both positive and negative messages in the song. References Cupach. W.R. and Spitzberg, B.H. (2004) The Dark Side of Relationship Pursuit: From Attraction to Obsession and Stalking. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Gibbard, B; Harmer, N; Mcgerr, J. and Walla, C.(2008) “Death Cab for Cutie – I Will Possess Your Heart.” Song lyrics. Retrieved from: http://www.songlyrics.com/death-cab-for-cutie/i-will-possess-your-heart-lyrics/ James, D.V. and Farnham, F.R. (2003) Stalking and Serious Violence Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law 31: 432-439. James, D.V., Mullen, P.E., Pathe, M.T., Meloy, J.R., Preston, L., Darnley, B., Farnham, F. (2009). Stalkers and Harassers of Royalty: The Role of Mental Illness and Motivation.  Psychological Medicine, 39: 1469. McEwan, T., Mullen, P. and Purcell, R. (2007) Identifying risk factors in stalking: A review of current research. International Journal of Law and Psychiatry 30: 1-9.  Mullen, P.E.  (2009) Stalking.  In. Gelder, M., Lopez-Ibor, J., Andreasen, N., Geddes, J. (Eds).  New Oxford Textbook of Psychiatry (2nd Edition).  Oxford University Press Mullen, P.E., Pathé, M., Purcell, R., & Stuart, G.W. (1999). Study of stalkers. American Journal of Psychiatry, 156: 1244-1249. Mullen, P.E., MacKenzie, R., Ogloff, J.R.P., Pathé, M., McEwan, T.E., & Purcell, R. (2006).  Assessing and managing the risks in the stalking situation.  Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law 34(4) 439-450. Mullen, P.E., Pathé, M. & Purcell, R. (2009). Stalkers and their victims. (2nd ed.) Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Pathe M., Mackenzie R., Mullen P.E. 2004 ‘Stalking by Law: Damaging Victims and Rewarding Offenders’.  Journal of Law and Medicine.  12(1), 103-111. Purcell R., Pathé M., Mullen P.E., 2004 ‘Stalking: Defining and prosecuting a new category of offending’.  International Journal of Law and Psychiatry. 27(2),157-169. Read More