Reflective Journal, Assertiveness and Questioning - Coursework Example

Reflective Journal Student’s Name Subject Professor University/Institution Location Date Reflective journal Listening Description My local town is a busy place with many visitors at any one moment who are on various activities such as education and tourism. I meet a foreigner whose language has a French influence, and who seems lost for directions in the public shuttle. The shuttle is too fast for any visitor to hardly make notice of landmarks and directions through the town. The foreigner appeared not to know how to connect with me, and I realized his need when my eyes meet his rather attention-seeking eyes. He asked me of his places of interest in the rather French-influenced language. However, I found myself jump onto his asking with a lengthy description of the town and its environs. To my amusement, he snobs me and gets back to his reading rather angrily. Reflection I jumped onto his inquiry even before he could finish asking about the town and gave him more than he even asked for. Frankly, I felt superior to him for having been a local and felt like I had a superior articulation. This reflects how my attitude influenced my listening. Our attitudes and underlying assumptions influence how we listen. This is with reference to us as the listener, the speaker and the subject. Negative attitudes are a barrier to how effectively we listen, and the subsequent feedback. I did not give a fair treatment to the foreigner, and though I may feel bitter about his snob, I admit that I invited it. Future encounters, especially with foreigners, will be treated with caution so that my personal ego and attitudes do not control how I listen. Encounter with my mentor We learn to listen and communicate on a daily basis from all avenues of interaction. On one Saturday morning, I was meeting my mentor over a disturbing personal issue. We had scheduled a session between 8-9am at a café in town. I had a personal preview of what would transpire in the session, from the environment to the discussion. To my surprise, I found out that he had secured a private table in a bright balcony of the café. As we talked, I realised how my mentor would maintain a close eye contact with, rephrasing and paraphrasing my statements, and chipping-in clarification questions. In addition, I realized that he would often be silent with me causing me to relate to the environment and the issue at hand. What had been difficult to release became so easy that I was surprised at how well I had done it. Reflection My mentor is surely a good active listener. To begin with, he ensured that the session was in bright welcoming and encouraging environment. The ambience was bright and rather private settings encouraging me to open-up. In addition, I noticed how he used active listening cues communicating his understanding and empathy on my situation. This is what should be happening in all interpersonal communication where the listener should do all necessary things to encourage the speaker, especially in counselling relationships. I will ensure that I set proper and encouraging physical and psycho-social environment that encourage the speaker and enhance his confidence in me, as a capable listener. This is referred in various literatures as mindful listening by which we persuade other by our ears. Giving it back Description Later that day, my younger sister had a quarrel with a neighbour’s girl as they were playing and she came home crying over the same. She falls onto my laps and looks at me into the eyes telling me “I hate Chloe! How can she just beat me and she claims to be my best friend? Do you think it’s fair for her to do so?” She had a series of questions that were rather absorbed in her uncontrollable sobs. She demanded my attention, my understanding, assurance and a very rational solution. I walked her out of the house to a wooden bench in a shade outside as I spoke assuring words to her. Active listening aims at setting a comfortable vocal, environmental and psychological tone, which encourage and give time for simultaneous thinking and speaking. Once outside, she told her story slowly. I just listened, clarified, reflected and paid attention. At the end of it, she was all smiles even without me suggesting solutions. Reflection I had learnt a good deal of active listening, practically earlier that day from my mentor. I applied some of the techniques and achieved good results. My sister needed understanding and attention. However, I had become, at some point rather sympathetic with her, until this evoked in me negative emotions against the neighbour’s girl. I admit I have a problem with controlling my attitude’s influence on my listening. This is an area I have to work on and improve. I have often lost objectivity in my listening. Assertiveness and questioning Description We had a discussion group meeting on one of the tasks of the semester. We were debating over a management concept, of which we were to make a presentation in class over the next few days. I had been assigned a specific duty to do research in the topic for discussion in the meeting. As I was reporting on my findings, the group leader jumped in with a spirited opposition to my findings. We argued for a while, but I lost it even as other members supported her. I was sure I had the correct findings but lost the argument and had to get an alternative for class presentation. As such, I got so angry and embittered at myself for the passivity in which I made my presentation that I was not ready to continue with the group. I felt unfairly treated and quit the group on other excuses. Our presentation, later in class, was a poor performance and the teacher’s recommendations were in line with my earlier results. Reflection Passive and non-assertive interpersonal styles aim at conflict and rejection avoidance. I was not articulate enough to enforce my findings though they were correct. I lost my confidence and the presentation to my colleagues’ aggressiveness. Assertiveness is required in all interactions, especially those that are argumentative. It is imperative that I improve from my rather passive style of engagement. This will enable me keep safe from hurts and situations where my confidence is shaken. For this improvement, I will cultivate a wide knowledge base and self knowledge. Description After-school hours have been recently a troublesome time for me with reference to deciding on my leisure pursuits. On one Friday evening, a friend of mine invited me to a party in the neighbourhood. I was not in a party mood and I was also having some work to do. I had a written assignment to hand in during a session with my mentor on the following day. I was torn in between partying and the assignment. I put up a spirited argument ascertaining my refusal to go since I was not willing and had an assignment to do. I put my friend to intense questioning hoping to gather as much as I could about the party, its attendants, program and the theme. I sought to understand the party and justify my reasons of not going. However, I was still unable to turn off the invitation and gave in to the party. My inability was further facilitated by the coming of more friends into the discussion. I went to the party, did not do my assignment and subsequently became a disappointment to my mentor. Reflection Assertiveness is the ability to objectively control according to one’s intentions, ability to express the self and to refuse or accept requests from personal will. I was not able to stand my ground and gave in to their request. For yet another time, I was unable to express myself and incurred losses of time. My confidence was again shaken and I felt angry at myself. To make matters worse, there were fights in the party as attendants got drunk and rowdy. I have to enhance my assertiveness. Otherwise, am challenged and cannot adequately interact. It is even worse where I have decisions to make and there are external influences. Description I have been to a hospital and a medical care giver prescribes medical drugs. In addition, I have been advised to attend to weekly assessments for observation into my condition. In one of the sessions, a doctor recommends that I have to undergo a surgery process to deal with the condition. I decide to get a second opinion from another doctor who recommends a change of drugs and that I do not have to undergo the operation. I gather more information from the internet and recommendations are further different for the drugs and operation. At the end of it all, I settle for a new set of drugs about which more doctors recommend and opt out of surgery. Reflection Interpersonal interactions are characterised by questions as they contribute to learning, problem solving and decision making. In this scenario, my assertiveness over my health was displayed through questioning. I learnt the importance of questioning especially over sensitive issues such as health. I got clarifications that were imperative in my decisions. However, I realized that questioning is not as superficial as it appears in literature. Over sensitive issues, its complexity and multifaceted nature are manifested. I need to apply extensive questioning in all circumstances in order to gather as much information as possible. It is imperative if one is going to be confident, assertive, to initiate interaction, show interest, for active listening and to encourage criticality in thoughts and evaluation. Conflict management Description I had noticed an irritating habit in Bob, one of my colleagues. He was always critical about other races and especially made jokes about African Americans like Mary, another colleagues. In a meeting, Bob openly stated that a certain task should only be assigned to whites as only they had sufficient knowledge to spearhead such tasks. Mary, being the only African American seating in the meeting, got offended and left instantly without apology. Although the meeting proceeded, I organized a meeting with Bob to discuss the behaviour. Although Bob was a bit defensive and felt that I violated his right to freedom of speech, I had to speak to him on the matter so as to prevent recurrence of similar behaviour in future. Reflection As part of the conflict resolution, I had to call parties involved in the conflict into discussion. The meeting was conducted in closed doors to avoid interferences from other people. I asked them to give their arguments about the incidence and more so whether it was work related or personal. Being authoritative, I explained that we were working in a professional workplace where tribal or racial conflicts are not tolerated. Thereafter, I gave them a lesson on the importance of respecting each other irrespective of cultural and racial backgrounds and some time on their own to make apologies and resolve the issue. Even so, Bob was dismissed from the team for his behaviour. Description While working as a management trainee I worked with a female accountant whose name was Betty. I had been renowned in the company for my good character of being fair and principled. Betty was quite hard working which was the foundation for a good working relationship between us. Before long we entered into a serious and intimate relationship that subsequently compromised our working relationship. Betty demanded special treatments such as promotions which were not correctly justifiable and consequently led to a conflict forcing me to cancel the relationship since I could not compromise my working principles. Reflection To avoid the feeling of hurt, anger and frustration, I established a common ground of success for the break up. I approached the issue from a neutral viewpoint and avoided acting like a jury or judge. I took her side to try and find the ultimate resolution. For instance, I showed her that offering her a promotion would actually risk my job and this would adversely affect our relationship in many ways. Since she remained firm on her decision, l had no other option except to break the relationship. Even so, I did this with a lot of compassion and empathy and tried to show her that I could feel the anger and frustration she was going through following the break up. By focusing on her good qualities, I let her know that she was still admirable and adorable thus we would remain friends. Description I bought my younger sister Annah a new toy and bought none for my brother, Ken, who has new toys barely a month old. Ken was anxious to use the new and unique toys and often stole them as Annah could not allow him to play along. This ended up in noisy disputes when Annah discovered that Ken has stolen her toys. She actually reported the matter to me or her father while crying loudly. Reflection Sibling rivalry is inevitable as long as one has more than one kid. In this regard, positive parental input in important for the resolution of sibling conflicts. To begin the resolution process, I focused on their emotions by sitting them down. Rather than focusing on the fight I focused the discussion on the problem which was basically the sharing of toys. Since kids generally want to be heard, I listened from each side of the story. To make them know that I understood what they were feeling, I labeled their emotions with certain phrases like “Its sounds like you are really angry, am I right?” Without using shaming or blaming, I stated the problem as it was and showed each of them how the behavior affected the other sibling. Although intervention of the parent is on its own a resolution, physical restoration of the problem is vital. Thus, I got the children to hug each other and I promised them on a joint treat of new toys for playing together. Counselling Description My mentor requires that I must recruit a mentee under my care for continuity. My mentee has an issue with his performance in class at junior levels and is afraid of the parent’s and friends’ reaction about it. It is just the end of final examinations and he is almost sure of supplementary papers. He tells me he has been a loner in class and in the neighbourhood for the past few months and feels like his friends are no more. I sit with him in the first mentorship session and these are the detail I gather. Reflection I am determined to help him deal with the situation as well help develop self-esteem. I begin the session with open ended questions and then use a process-consulting model. In the questioning session, I encourage the mentee to open up and give as much details as possible. I realize that open-ended question give a sense of freedom and encourage mentee’s responsibility to talk openly. As such, he gives a lot of information; however, I am not able to record all due to lack of structure and control. Information given in such a way may be difficult to analyse and use. My process-consulting model is vital at this juncture as the mentee and I collectively analyse the problem, establish causative factors and develop coping mechanism. I help him make his own solutions to the problem. This model is vital in situations where I do not necessarily have the answer, or where my solutions have to be adapted into my client’s situations. It also features in teams and groups where all members have an equal stake and no one is superior in any way. Description We had a sports competition event at school, in which I was a volunteer mostly dealing with games logistics and information. We wore a distinct uniform from others participants and volunteers in the games. On an evening, a young boy comes to me crying that he has been lost the location of his parents. He thought that he would find them in a nearby car-park but could not trace its directions. By then, I knew that all parks had been closed as the time for spectators to leave had already expired. I then concluded that the boy was lost. Reflection I have realized that various help-relations demand distinct approaches as the people and issues at hand are. With this boy, I had to employ a doctor-patient model given that he was a minor and I doubted his stability at that time due to panic. I had to direct him and suggest solutions. In this pursuit, I mostly used closed questions. This was to save time, gather as precise information as possible with the maximum possible control. I needed a focused approach in order to quickly arrive at a solution. Fortunately, I was able to trace the parents identity and handed the boy to security to be taken home. These skills are applicable in cases where I have an expert or superior position and time is limited. Emergency cases do not allow time for lengthy deliberations. Precision of ideas and time is vital. Description I have been attached in several organizations as a volunteer intern over school holiday. This holiday was most interesting as I volunteered in a management consulting firm. I was assigned to a process involving a software company which had problems in the human resource function. My role was basically in the information and communications section. However, I had briefs with the rest of the team on every progress we made in the consultancy process. We took the company through distinct yet closely interlinked steps. Contact was initiated by a contract that provided for contact beyond delivery of results into follow-up and feedback. Reflection Consultancy is a type of counselling given its helping nature. The steps I learnt in the consultancy may be used even in personal issues and counselling of individuals. I can engage a person just like my organization engaged, only that the provisions of engagement are different. This is more of a process-consultancy where I use my superior or expert position to facilitate the client to develop his or her own solutions. After solutions are established and implemented, I maintain the relationship for follow-up and feedback. There are times when clients keep a life-long relationship, implying a life-long follow-up. However, I should be keen on this to avoid over-dependence on the part of the client or even the mentee. Interviewing Description I am involved in a research which undertakes a survey to gather information from the student fraternity within the school. I have been recruited as a research assistant and have been trained on necessary skills in data collection. The interview is unstructured meaning that I have a sense of autonomy with the questions. I meet a respondent who is rather hostile at the beginning and who ignores me at first. After establishing a rapport and he agrees with me for the interview, I have a series of ways to structure my questions. I use a mixture of three types of questioning for the interviewee- closed, open and probing techniques. Reflection Open-ended questions enabled me to establish a rapport with the interviewee. These allow the freedom in the response so the interviewee feels safe and encouraged. Questions that demand a free type of judgement or expression of opinion or an attitude are phrased in the open technique. After the ease was created, I learn the value of close-ended questions for the purpose of getting short and precise answers. They enable the interviewer to control the focus of the interview by giving direction. There were questions in which I needed more than statement answers, which implied that I probe. Interviewing requires a mixture of questioning techniques. I will use these skills in my further studies as I undertake research. They may also come in handy in my career especially with regard to recruitment processes. Description In the aforementioned research, I am assigned specific administrators in the administration to collect research data from. They have been purposively selected implying that I do not have a choice of sample, like in interviews with sampled students. I walk in an office after securing an appointment with one of the senior administrators. It is a big and rather intimidating environment for me, especially as a student in the institution. Given the official relationship details, I have several approaches to use in my data collection. The respondent is a difficult individual who gives me a tough time throughout the interview. However, I gather the data but with difficulty. Reflection One can have difficult interviewers to deal with and who are not ready to volunteer information. It is worse when the information they have is important in helping them. Collaborative approaches are best- better than both evocation and autonomy. The former involves drawing information as an expert or from a point of view of a superior. The latter gives lee way to interview to control the interview. Collaborative is interactive and takes the process-consulting model by which the interviewer and interviewee are on a level playing ground. I learn that difficult clients or interviewee must be encouraged to volunteer information. This may be used on consultancy and counselling relationships. I have difficulties engaging individuals who are senior to me in a collaborative session. I have tendencies to let them have total control. Perhaps this has to do with my passiveness at times. I need to improve on my self esteem and my assertiveness. Description I am attending an interview as an interviewee selected for a volunteering internship in one of my holidays. This is in a consultancy firm that is widely known in the town, where a friend of ours works. I arrive there in good time to familiarize myself with the organization. My friend takes me around and later introduces me to the human resources officer. In our session, he is tense and uncertain and has to keep making calls and withdrawing questions after I have responded to them. The situation is aggravated by sudden glass noises in the background, which feels like someone has broken a pane. He suddenly calls off the interview and asks me to wait outside. This is one place I wish not to work. This experience has already painted a grim image of this organization. Reflection His interviewing skills show me that he does not have all the information or there are misunderstanding in what he knows. I wonder for how he has been in the organization. I may have been just an intern and a volunteer, but this does not mean I should not be seriously interviewed. The calls he is making are apparently consultative ones and he appears to be gathering information. In future, any interviewing I undertake has to be based on extensive background information. The environment and settings are also very important and require a focused attention so that they are not distracting in anyway. There are situations that are threatening and may cause one to withdraw from a conversation. It becomes worse where an organization becomes exposed to losses. Read More