Are You against Love - Essay Example

… And You? Are you Against Love? Love exists in the form of passion which requires no sustenance effort. Kipnis’ view of true love is that it exists only as pure passion, and if work is required to sustain it, then it is not true love. Here, she looks at the reason why two people come together in the institution of marriage and its sanctity, the passion, the attraction and joy towards one another that is purely fun and joyous. She brings out her point of view about marriage when she says. "We happen to like being married!" (Kipnis 22). This, according to her, should be the face of marriage apart from the current states where rules and expectations have ruined the sense of it all. One should not be subjected to involuntary work and expectation just so as to maintain that passionate love condition. She views the existence of love and passion towards one another as an independent aspect of human will and deliberation. As such, the rest of the outcome of this should be just as so. She even goes ahead to objectify adultery in marriage insinuating that it is a result of the modern corrupt love relations. Marriage is an institution that introduces work and possible stressful events to love and passion. In marriage, one has to work and follow certain expected rules and conform to your partner’s expectations without fail, such as washing the utensils, not sleeping on the couch, and proper bed manners, among others. According to her, “If marriage is just another kind of work, where does pleasure come in?” (Kipnis 25). The freedom of normal conduct of comfort does not exist, and one has to try and act in accordance with their partner’s needs in marriage. One thus has to strain and conduct themselves in certain mannerisms that one would otherwise not have considered a necessity. Marriage entails to a lot of work to make it work, and sometimes it may fail. This is as a result of being human and tiring or boredom from such excessive work may come in and the sailing becomes bumpy. According to Kipnis, this is the stage where factors such as adultery come in failing the institution of marriage destroying the existence of a once true love and passion. Marriage is worth effort as is love and passion. This can be seen in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet where Juliet says; “There rust, and let me die” (57) and then stabs herself. This shows a desire to be together where parties would do anything for love to manifest to marriage. Fighting, conflicting and effort to be together conflicts with the views of Kipnis who views love as worth but marriage not so much the same. We can also use Shakespeare’s example with Juliet when she says; “Go, get thee hence, for I will not away” (59) as she refuses to be intimidated. This shows in evident the lengths that couples in love can go to manifest this love to marriage element that Kipnis is against. It goes ahead to show that, with the existence of love, the institution of marriage is secure against such evils as adultery as all they require is each other. The occurrence of passion, attraction and love is in itself a deliberated effort. It is also true to say that for there to emerge the existence of this attraction and love, there is still work needed. Once any person becomes attracted to another, there must be a physical entity that caused this attraction such as well groomed hair, applied makeup or dressing style, among others. Again, once there is this attraction, what naturally follows is the art of courtship to ascertain love among the two. This is where a lot of work goes into the relationship. This ranges from planning where to meet for dates to what to wear or buy your partner, among others. Therefore, the existence of attraction and love or passion between two people is as a result of a deliberate effort between the two parties (Kipnis 156). This then may lead to marriage between the two. It becomes only logical to continue the efforts and work of feeding your attraction and love in marriage just as one did to ascertain and finalize it in the beginning. In true love, Sharon Olds gives a view of the other side of an existent love. She brings into light the various aspects involved in love such as sex and the values it brings. Sex is an essential part of any relationship, and it ensures that attraction and intimacy lasts between parties. Olds uses the words; “I cannot see beyond it! I cannot see beyond it!” (85) as she describes the passion it creates between the two is so much fun and intimate to the extent that it cannot be compared to anything else. This makes it worth to do anything to get to that ecstatic point where one can see nothing else apart from what they feel for and from each other. There exist optimists and pessimists of love. Sharon Olds view of love is more of a representation of the optimistic population on love, as opposed to Laura Kipnis’ view, which is against marriage, represents the pessimistic population towards marriage; the ultimate outcome of love. All in all, it is evident that Olds has given the better picture of love and marriage where both parties enjoy being together, doing and done for things by each other. She also adds “The children deep asleep in their beds” (85) in view of the stability of marriage comes through one another and the children. It shows how love and passion can prolong throughout this aspect of marriage and be a foundation for the life of the parties. In relation to her writing against love, Kipnis would view Olds true love in remarkably different terms. This may be in relation to the effort and work that the two parties are putting into sex, which is both physical and psychological. It can be viewed as the way they so tire after love making and psychologically working them not to disappoint their partners. To a person with her views she may ask if it truly is worth all that work, preparedness and tiredness to institutionalize love. We can see this when she says; “Acting out where conventions are defied; chance elements introduced; new viewpoints engineered" (Kipnis 188). In her view, it comes out that she is mostly addressing the aspects of marriage and adultery and not love. She seems to believe in love and passion attraction as opposed to marriage and its possible evils such as adultery. In sight of the above two views of Kipnis and Olds, the two represent a full outlook of the views of people. Generally, a person can be for something or against it; thus optimists and pessimists. These two categories represent the general views of different people towards various aspects of life including life. Though most people appear to be pessimistic towards love such as Olds, there are other pessimistic categories that tend to view live Kipnis’ point of view. This may be through experiencing hurtful love, adultery or desertion among others. As optimists, we may be for Olds views and against Kipnis’ views though this does not mean these positions remain static. With time and experience, decisions may be forced on a person to shift from one view to the other. Works Cited Kipnis, L. Against Love: A Polemic. New York: Pantheon Publishers, 2003. Print. Olds, S. Strike sparks: selected poems, 1980-2002. New York: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, 2004. Print. Shakespeare, W. Romeo and Juliette. London: John Dater Printers Group, 1597. Print. Read More