Death Script pertaining to chronic illness - Assignment Example

Lying down on my bed in my room sporadic thoughts began to enter my mind. As I concentrated on the scenario being laid down before me this sense of perpetual fear gripped me. I began thinking about my family and how they would live their lives after my demise. I thought about what death would be like, if it would hurt at all and whether I should be anticipating an afterlife. All these morbid thoughts were looming over my head like a dark cloud making it hard for me to think about the present. My whole life began to flash before my eyes and I began to envision all those moments in my children’s lives that I would not live to see.

As I became immersed in my reverie I imagined my husband and my mother at my side when the doctor gave me the dreaded news that I had leukemia. I saw myself not being able to respond at all to what the doctor was telling us. My mother’s silent sniffle seemed distant and unreal and I couldn’t bring myself to see my husband. The news of death shocked me to the extent that I kind of forgot my surroundings and the people I loved so dearly. It’s almost as though that moment was reserved just for me.

A hope still lingered at the back of my mind that my physician may be mistaken, that the possibility of finding cure elsewhere would be worth making the effort for. I tried to comfort myself with the thought that I wasn’t the only one dying. After all people die every day, every second even and it’s just a reality check that everyone has to come to terms with (CDC 2009). I suppose I’m better off than a lot of people who die at such a young age having not even started their lives. I tried to rationalize the news of my death by considering the fact that middle aged women are most prone to die if they have leukemia (Emedtv n.d). I comfort myself with the thought that at least I gave birth to five beautiful children and I got to raise them to be good human beings.

I got the opportunity to bond with a man who fathered my children and made me feel special in so many ways. Still the agony, the betrayal of life itself and the fear of not knowing what lay ahead of me gave me a sinking feeling, sucking out all my happiness in an instant. As days passed by it felt like I was already dead. My mother was constantly at my side and as much as my husband wanted to be there someone had to stay home to take care of my children and tend to worldly affairs. My mother would try to distract me to take my mind off of my illness but I knew that it was all she could think about too.

I wished I could spend more time with my kids and see them get married and have children of their own. I can’t believe I won’t be there to share their happiness and joy.The illness had begun taking a toll on my health. I had become frail and was losing feeling in my limbs. As my body lost its strength I was finding it hard to keep my emotional stability. I cried more often and sometimes I just gaped into nothingness. I moved into my own home and I realized that my days were numbered and I couldn’t afford to lose any precious time being away from my loved ones.

I tried to stay awake longer even though it was hard and I tried to spend my days being happy surrounded by my kids and my husband but it was just so exhausting. I couldn’t live like that anymore and a part of me just wanted to die sooner because I couldn’t stand seeing all the sad faces around me.As my illness got worse I just constantly prayed that it would all be over soon. My last day of life was unbearably painful. It was excruciating seeing my children and my parents giving me false reassurances but I hadn’t the strength to tell them to stop.

Besides I felt those reassurances were more for their own comfort than mine. I had surpassed the stage of hope and I just wanted to succumb to my illness believing that someday I would be reunited with my family. The moment finally came when I took my last few breaths of life and I could see my husband’s face lingering over mine as he squeezed my hand that finally became lifeless. ReferencesCenters for Disease Control and Prevention. (2009). Deaths and Mortalities. Retrieved fromhttp://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/deaths.htmEmedtv. (n.d). Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia Death Statistics.

Retrieved fromhttp://leukemia.emedtv.com/acute-lymphocytic-leukemia/acute-lymphocytic-leukemia-death-statistics.html