Letter of Advice Upon Trust Among People - Research Paper Example

? Letter of Advice Letter of Advice Dear John and Rita, How are both of you? I am fine andI expect the same for the two of you. I would firstly like to congratulate you two for the engagement. Sorry I could not be there but my best wishes for the newly engaged couple. As you two have entered into a completely new relationship it is vital for the two of you to effectively interact and communicate with one another. I am taking an inter communication course and would like to give the best advice I feel would help to shape the relationship for you two. The most important thing in a new relationship is to develop understanding and trust among each other. Only with understand can hindrances or fail of communication can be coped up. One very common example of a failure in effective communication occurs when interaction or communication between people take place either in a crowded place or through a medium like telephone where the voice cannot be heard properly. Under such circumstances, it is very much possible that a partner could misinterpret or hear something else that was intended to. For example while taking the course we came across a couple in class that shared their experience of miscommunication over the phone. The couple had recently tied the knot and one fine day while talking on the phone from office the female partner said “Honey my life was so incomplete without you.” The male partner heard the sentence wrong and asked “Do you mean to say that your life was complete without me and that now I am part of it it’s not complete?” The female partner without realizing what she heard said yes. This infuriated the male partner and he banged the phone down only to return home late and drunk that night. Later when the issue was sorted out the problem looked very simple but because the two of them had not known each other that well, it had looked very big before. Our lecturer then told us that it is very important to develop an understanding so one could know what to expect from the other. The lecturer gave the example of the couple and said that if there was better understanding between the couple at that moment in their life then an incident of that nature would not have taken place. The male partner would know that his female partner would never say something like that and even if she does then maybe in light humour. This was an ideal example of misconception in interpersonal communication (West and Turner, 2010). The relationship of a newly engaged couple is very delicate as both the partners try to make maximum effort in trying to understand each other. It is also a testing time when a partner tests the patience, attitude, behaviour and other characteristics of his or her counterpart. It is very important to select the words in order to create and affect the attitude, behaviour and perception. Words once spilled out from the mouth can never be taken back no matter how sweet or bitter they are. I do not mean to tell you to be extra cautious while talking to one another. That is not good otherwise there will be more silence than talking. All that I am saying is that you two must be in control of your conversation rather than the conversation controls you. If one of you gets upset then the best way to handle the situation is by kindly talking it over rather than spilling out rude words or showing body language that is not appropriate. You two must understand that most of the problems in marriage and other relationships are caused by misunderstanding and what Sigmund Freud described as ego. At the lectures in our courses, the lecturers try to tell us how to handle our ego and help from keeping it away from our relationships. Your ego is your self esteem. It is something that always wants to keep you superior in front of your counterpart. In a healthy relationship the two of you must look to make a compromise with your ego placing more importance to your partner. It is not a problem if the male partner first says hello. There should be no such barriers in communication that if the female partner does not say hello then the male will not respond to any of her questions until she realizes her mistake and says hello for the communication process to begin. There should be no room to strengthen the ego of a person. It is alright for the male to initiate what the female does in the relationship or the female to what the male does. If the woman forgets to kiss good night then the male should kill the ego and take the initiative (Devito, 2008). One more important thing in being in a healthy relationship is being honest to each other. Honesty helps to maintain a good relationship by trusting and putting faith on the companion. This is not achievable without with efficient communication. In order to communicate well, you two will have to be honest about everything you speak to one another. If you will not then one of you will always be hesitant to speak making the other one only more dubious. You two must realize that there are no secrets in the relationship that you have entered. If there is something you feel may turn the outcome of the relationship then it is better to speak out then to hide in at the fathom of the heart somewhere. An open heart and an open mind are two things that you two will have to take along from here. One should be able to speak anything no matter how bad or deep it is and the other one should keep an open mind to solve and get involved rather than moving away from the relationship. At one of the lecture lessons our lecturer gave an example of an undisclosed person. The woman was adopted by her parents and she could never tell it to her boyfriend who became her husband. She somehow felt guilty and thought she had lied to her husband and started to feel that her relationship was built on a fake foundation as she was not honest. However the husband found out about this when one of the parents passed away. He did not react much to it as he thought his wife was embarrassed to speak about the subject. When the wife realized that the husband was alright with her being an adopted kid and his attitude never changed with that bit of information she became more confident and open about nearly everything that happened in her life. This is an example of how different a relationship can be in different situations. When the wife chose to hide details from her husband she felt depressed and would no longer speak to him. It was a negative influence. The husband kept an open mind and welcomed the change in perception about his wife’s parents. In the end this resulted in a better understanding between the two. Taking a lesson from this example is vital for you two (Gibb, 1961). One thing that is of utmost importance is to take proper care of the gestures. Gesture is a very broad terminology and includes facial movements and body language. Facial movements may include the movement of the eyes, lips, eyebrows and even nose to indicate excitement or frustration. Similarly body language includes talking through the movement of the hand, shoulders or any part of the body to indicate something. The problems with gestures are that because they are not mostly spoken words but sign languages, they are misinterpreted. Some people may use raising of the eyebrows to ask “how you are” while some may use it say “what is your problem?” Not only does gestures creates misunderstanding while communicating but it could also be very offending towards others when they misinterpret it. We are given full knowledge about how and when to use a particular gesture. I must say that people use some of them very inappropriately and that is the reason it creates so much trouble for them. My advice to you would be to take full lessons about how to use gestures during conversations. Many videos are available online on websites like Youtube so it would not be much of an effort to stream and watch it from there. It will help both of you a lot as it will reduce misunderstandings while interacting through gestures (Burleson, 2009). Emotional intelligence is one another area that you two as a couple must improve. Though it is a scientific term, emotional intelligence comes with greater understanding between partners and it is possible to achieve between any two sets of people. In layman terms it can be defined as the ability to understand the emotions of the one you are communicating with. Understanding emotions of the other person helps to respond in a way that is most appropriate in a given situation. In our course we are taught how to judge the mood of other people. There are many ways to do that for example snatching something from someone’s hand might suggest that the person is unhappy or agitated with the person. So the other person may respond politely to calm the agitated person down. If he also reacts in the same fashion then there are chances that the two may end up fighting with one another. Emotional intelligence gives people a chance to act in the most appropriate manner and according to the need of the situation. This is important as it would help the two of you learn about your partner’s emotions and the way to respond to their needs at the time in particular (Wharam, 2009). In married life, interpersonal communications holds great importance as it shapes out the future of the relationship and maintain intimacy level between the couple. Body language, distortion in the communication process, emotional intelligence, perceptions and emotions plays a vital role in the interpersonal communication. It not only helps you to be open minded but also gives you the chance to understand the body language and emotions of your partner. Better inter personal skills leads to a better relationship. I hope the two of you learn something from the course I took and discussed a few details here. Best of luck in future and hope you two live long and happy with one another. Best Regards, Enter your Name Reference List Burleson, B. (2009). Understandings the outcomes of supportive communicatiom: A dual-process approach. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 26(1), 21-38. Devito, J. (2008). Interpersonal Messages. Boston: Allyn & Bacon. Gibb, J. R. (1961). Defensive Communication. Journal of Communication, 11(3), 141-148. West, R., & Turner, L. H. (2010). Understanding Interpersonal Communication: Making Choices in Changing Times, Enhanced Edition: Making Choices in Changing Times. Boston: Cengage. Wharam, J. (2009). Emotional Intelligence: Journey to the Centre of Yourself. London: John Hunt Publishing. Read More