Opinion and Notions of Marriage, Family and Children - Assignment Example

Sexual and Gender Studies: Interview Assignment The woman Ive chosen to interview is (your grandmother?) 62 years old, married and lives with her husband in [add your city]. Shes been married for forty two years, since she was 20. She gave birth to her first child 2 years later, when she was 22, and her husband was 24. Since then, theyve had 3 more children- the first of which was born 3 years after the firstborn, the second one was born 2 years after him and the youngest child was born 4 years after him. All the children are male except for the youngest, who is a female. Her children are 40, 37, 35 and 31 accordingly today. She and her husband are currently residing in their own home, which isnt far from that of her children, and therefore of her grandchildren as well. The purpose of this paper is to examine the selected womans opinions and notions of marriage, family and children as she was raised to believe, according to which shes lived her life, and then compare and contract those to those of my own. The woman interviewed, my grandmother, believes, and was brought up to believe, that marriage is supposed to last forever. It was a very different time from today, two generations ago, and this perception was much more common and popular than, in contrast to the very different one of today. Strangely enough, though, people used to get married at a young age and perhaps without even knowing their intended spouse for as long as people do today prior to marriage. This seems quite odd and bizarre for me today, but my grandmother says that thats how it was back then. If you knew the person for a year or two and thought you were compatible, you got married. Sex before marriage was also much less acceptable or appropriate. It was also common opinion that one has to do whatever he or she possibly can in order to save and preserve the marriage if it falls under a hard time (Author, Year). What she describes is very reasonable for that time, but seems quite obsolete today. Few are the people who still hold these beliefs today, and they are considered to be very unusual and the exception of the codes of behavior and norms of today. Things have changed a lot in these years between her generation and mine. Along with the emancipation of women, womens right movements and the changes in society as well as in the legislature, theres been a major shift towards living life each person sees fit. There is much less pressure today from families or others to get married quickly, and less criticism or eyebrow-raising if a woman isnt married. This is truer for men than for women, but it also applies to women. Men are often thought to be less mature for serious relationships, commitments and marriage, let alone starting a family, while women are typically seen as more marriage and family oriented. While it may hold some truth (and women do indeed think more about relationships and the desire to be married and have children than men do), it is most definitely not true for everyone, and sometimes it is completely the opposite. Back in my grandmothers time it was quite unheard of. A woman was supposed to be married and was expected to do so until a certain age. Today it is not like that at all. Being married and becoming a mother were considered to be an inseparable part of being a woman (Author, Year). Today, there are women who opt never to get married, even though some of which are in long, committed relationships. It is now believed by some that marriage isnt for everyone, and some do choose not to get married. Coupled with the current divorce rates, things have certainly changed in the decades since my grandmothers time and until now (Author, Year). It is interesting to note, in this context, that although marriage has become less essential to some women today and perhaps because of it, the wedding industry has grown immensely, and the wedding day is now considered to be one of lifes more important milestones. In the past, while it was also significant, people didnt make such a big of a deal about it. People would get married and start their lives together, without it being considered such a monumental event. I personally feel the same as my grandmother about marriage having to be based on love, trust and commitment, and not rushed into for any reason. However, she still believes to some extent that marriage should be fought on, no matter what, and I dont see eye to eye with her on that. However, contrary to my grandmothers opinion, I think that there are some things that break up a marriage and that a marriage cannot survive, or that I personally will not forgive. One of them is cheating. Whereas it may have been more excusable way back when to cheat and betray (especially men cheating on women), today it is taken much more seriously, and many divorce over this issue. I personally would not want to continue a marriage if my husband has betrayed me. And indeed, divorce rates today are higher and ever (Author, Year). As for family and children, my grandmother says that she, in accordance with the perception common in her generation thought that children are a necessary outcome or goal of a marriage (Author, Year). Furthermore, Contraceptives werent as popular then as they are today, especially not for a married couple. They were still used by people, but to a lesser extent, and perhaps more so when people werent yet ready to have a family or another child. Others gave them up completely with the notion that "when a child is meant to come and be born, thats when he or she will", and that this isnt something to interfere with. This is something that is quite unheard of today. In this era, people who are responsible usually use contraceptives in order not to get pregnant when its too soon and isnt right for that time of their lives. There are many aspects to consider (economic, mental, emotional, etc.). The notion of the baby coming when its supposed to seems incredibly odd and bizarre to me today. Times have certainly changed since then! It may have been simpler then, when the world and lives were much less complicated, but it seems quite crazy today to just take the risk and possibly have the baby at any given time. My grandmother shares my opinion about having a child only when youre ready, explaining that it isnt simple to raise one child, so two children, if the second is unexpected, is much more difficult. She said that she wouldnt (and hasnt) do that. However, whereas she shares the opinion of her generation that children are a natural outcome of marriage, I happen to think that this is true for most people, but not for all. There are people today that renounce the notion of having children, for one of several possible reasons. I dont see myself doing that, but I respect their right to choose so and not be looked at as odd. My grandmother is a bit different. She understands this, but still thinks children add to a couples life and has a hard time understanding why people would give them up completely. Another main point about the structure of the family is the changes that have occurred in past decades in the family. The nuclear family that existed in the past consisting of a man, a woman and children has greatly changed since then. Now there are numerous other models of families, including ones with two fathers, two mothers, co-parenting, as well as a lot of single parents and so on. Todays rates of single parents raising their children are very high. And so, there is an increasing amount of households and families that exist outside the boundaries of the original format of the nuclear family. While it may be in the policy makers favor for these single parents to marry in order for them to depend less on welfare, the reality of today and the wishes of individuals dont fall in line with that (Author, Year). I think that in todays reality, with all its complications and considerations which have to be taken into account (including the cost of living, the marital status, the financial situation, the existence of a support system that will help with the taking care of the children, especially seeing as how in most couples today both the partners work, etc.), having a child is a most serious matter and a commitment that cannot be taken lightly. A couple has to be sure that they are truly prepared for the baby, in all aspects of their lives (or most, at least), not the least of which is their mental and emotional preparedness for the baby. Too many babies are born to parents that dont want them or didnt plan for them or dont know how to take care of them and end up damaging them in some way or another. I also believe that other models of families, as well as marriage, are valid and should be acknowledged by law and given the same rights and legitimacy as the nuclear, heterosexual ones. My grandmother shares with me the belief that each woman has a right to choose if she wants to keep her. This is a decision which will affect her for the rest of her life, therefore she must be sure shes ready for it. I completely agree with her and think that its absolutely right. In conclusion, when interviewing my grandmother, Ive discovered the similar and dissimilar opinions and perceptions we have of the subject. In her time, people were much more conservative, adhered to the norms and conformed to what is common, both in terms of marriage and in that of family and children. However, that generation was that in which a change had occurred, as women were more empowered, relations between spouses were more even than uneven but became more equal and egalitarian, and old-fashioned notions were replaced by newer ones. Women had already started working and had equal power in the family (Author, Year). In todays world, there is no shortage of opinions about these matters, and each person has to decide what seems right and fits to him or her. While theres still some pressure from family, friends and society as a whole to conform to the idea of a monogamous marriage and children, people are much more free and independent today to do whatever theyd like. Although some opinions dont differ much between the generations, some have changed dramatically over the years, and in the end, every person has his or her own opinion, according to the norms or outside the norms, in todays most complex and complicated world. Works Cited Author (Year). The books name. Chapter 7: Relationships, Families and Households, pp. 291-305. Publications Name: Place of Publication. Read More