The Way We Never Were - Essay Example

Family History Order No. 340383 No. of pages: 4 6530 Introduction Stephanie Coontz’ book on ‘The Way We Never Were’ is a myth – shattering portrayal that presents the many misconceptions that plague the lives of many Americans because it is based on their past. Coontz feels that these ancient misconceptions do not in any way influence our present life. The so called ‘traditional values’ of our ancient past are only myths that do more to cripple our modern society than offer any kind of workable guidance. Coontz’ book highlights the various myths and thereby succeeds in removing the scales of ignorance of the gullible part of our society today. Coontz’ book ‘The Way We Never Were’ sheds light on some of the startling facts about the so called ‘traditional values’ that till today some people try to stick to thus making their lives miserable and meaningless. She digs out certain sensitive areas such as gender divisions, feminism, alcohol and drug abuse, teenage child bearing, sexual practices, the black family, and inequality of labor. Though the modern family have come a long way in making a lot of demographic changes in their lifestyles, yet many of their present dilemmas are based on their ‘skeletons in the closet’ from the viewpoint of ‘traditional values.’ Looking back at my childhood, I remember some of the incidents that took place at my home. My family was one of those conservative traditional families where ladies remained at home to look after the children and maintain the household chores. My grandmother was a strict disciplinarian who had certain set ideas such as ‘don’t live with a man before marriage, ‘marry first and then get children’ ‘make the home a happy castle’ and ‘Greet your husband at the door with either a kiss or stating that dinner will be served shortly.’ I have witnessed all this taking place in my home and I do not endorse that these traditions should be handed down from generation to generation because society with all its thoughts, ideals and values have changed to a great extent. The American Dream that most people in America chase after is but an illusion and is best left alone by setting our feet firmly on the ground. It is much better to put an end to the vicious cycle of guilt and pain and bring ourselves to the reality of today’s contemporary life. Coontz has rightly pointed out that trying to force the old traditions on modern society will have adverse effects because peoples way of thinking and reacting have changed so much that it is impossible to incorporate or stick to old beliefs. A good example of this is myself. I consider myself a modern man in every sense of the word. My thoughts ideas and beliefs are contemporary and I would not even consider incorporating the old traditions and beliefs that were followed in my home. I am a practical and constructive person and always believe in something that is workable not something which has to be blindly followed. Coontz’ book highlights some of the fascinating facts on privacy, sexuality, love and marriage in the ancient times. The modern man has this illusion that first marriages were carried out and only then the couple could have close union with each other. But Coontz gives us some startling facts that in the ancient times of the 50’s teenage childbearing was predominant since the sexual consent in many places was 9 or 10 years. In our contemporary age we cannot even think of incorporating such ideals. Though I married for love, I married at a mature age when I was clear in my understanding. I am well aware that if such early marriages had to take place in our present society, there would be chaos and most families would be broken families which would result in a lot of pain and trauma on all sides. “The Way We Never Were” by Coontz is a startling eye - opener for the modern man because he has conjured up a very conservative and traditional picture of the past which is absolutely not true. Coontz tells us that marriages were very short in the ancient days, so it is not something that was different when compared to modern day marriages. People today are very well informed of the roles they have to play in a marriage but when it does not work out they feel it is better to divorce than carry on the burden of pain and trauma. Coontz believes that it is not that people today have suddenly become bad, because the same thoughts, beliefs and ideals that existed then, exists now too in this present age society. The only thing is that they have been suited to the modern times. In the ancient 50’s Coontz states that there were love marriages, arranged marriages and even child marriage. Today, both love marriages and arranged marriages exist side by side. However, the modern man who considers himself to be more civilized have done away with the scourge of child marriage. The contemporary man feels that living in with a partner before marriage and getting to know each other better would help them to avoid painful divorces. They feel that it is a more mature outlook on life. Conclusion Coontz’ 19th century fascinating account titled ‘The People We Never Were’ served the purpose of removing the myths and illusions of an ancient world from the present society by highlighting different myths and illusions. Her account has served us to look at life from a more mature point of view by severing the shackles that bound us to our roots and making life more workable. Her book has shattered the mysteries of our elusive thoughts and has served to get us on the right track of how we have to adapt our thoughts and actions to the present modern world by breaking away from our illusory past. Reference Stephanie Coontz, ‘The Way We Never Were.’ www.stephaniecoontz.com/books/thewayweneverwere Read More