Gender Roles in Chinese Culture - Essay Example

Gender and sexual studies, Reflection paper This project is so hard for me, and I cannot think any ideas about liberating myself. I am a traditional Chinese girl who grew up under the traditional Chinese culture. This has made me not outgoing and hinders me from doing crazy things that show others that I am liberating myself. After giving this some thought, I made a request to my boyfriend about whether he was willing to exchange his gender role in our relationship for a few days. After I roped him into the deal, he finally agreed to cooperate by helping me finish this self-liberating project. Since my boyfriend and I rarely go out alone, most of our friends will find out about the exchange of gender roles. I will ask them about what they feel and think about this exchange of roles. Though many in China have been influenced heavily by western influences, the traditional structures of the family have remained intact along with the norms and culture. The traditional and modern Chinese families are the same in values and morals. The roles, statuses, culture and values remain the same despite rapidly changing technology, innovation. The Chinese still maintain very clear-cut roles, rights, values and moms for men and women. Though a few things have changed such as the freedom to choose one’s spouse, the same cultural values and taboos apply. The family values are still a heavy focus and are cherished, honored and respected. This is true in the modern, urban and rural environments. I do not see anything different in the western definition of wife from Judy Syfers “Why I want a wife”; description of the Chinese’s wife and the kind of wife she is describing in the west. Though Judy writes to complain and bemoan the “wife” in the west it is atypical of the Chinese wife’s reality whether she lives in the west or in China. “I want a wife who will take care of all the social details of my life” (p.61) is universal. Pay for meals The expectations on gender roles are very conservative in Chinese culture. The relationship between a boy and a girl is expected to lead to marriage and is therefore expected to follow the rules of marriage. If a boy goes out to dinner with a girl then he is expected to pay for the dinner and not doing so will make him loose “face" and social status. This makes a person to be regarded as a poor dating candidate and so it was very hard for my boyfriend to accept for me to pay for the meal. I have never paid for my own meals in my life form my own savings. The money that I use for buying things is from my father and so even if he is not there it is as if he is paying for the meal. I have money that I use for my own expenses given to me by my father for pocket money. Only I have the choice on what to buy with it. I decided that I wanted to use this money to pay for a meal when I went out with my boyfriend. He only agreed for me to pay for only one meal as he felt that it is too much for him to take more than one meal from my money. At one point he even wanted to talk to my parents about it because he felt that it could affect his status in the family if they one day found out about it. It took a lot of convincing from me for him to accept it but only after, I promised to take full responsibility for the action. The other problem was our friends because we are never allowed to go out alone with my boyfriend. My boyfriend was very concerned about what they would think of him when I paid for our meal. I promised to explain the whole thing as a class project and to set the record straight. The day came, we had our meal, and I paid for it. I have never experienced such feelings of power! It felt liberating and I felt like I had such freedom for that one time to do something that I may never do again. Buy myself something in his presence I have never bought anything for myself in the presence of my father since our culture dictates that the head of the family is responsible for catering for all the needs of the family members. Therefore, since and since my boyfriend is expected to take on the same role in our family when we get married the same rule applies. In Chinese culture, a man should be able to meet the needs of a woman and her family. That means that a man will not allow the woman who is to be the future wife in his life to pay for an item in his presence. The boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is taken so seriously that the two refer to each other as husband and wife because the marriage is as good as done and therefore the boyfriend is under obligation to provide to the best of his ability. We went to the mall with my boyfriend and our group of friends to window-shop and buy things as usual. I surprised everybody by paying for the things I had chosen at the shops. My boyfriend was very uncomfortable with this and took me aside to talk to me. He thought that I was taking this too far. I told him it was only this one time and to remember that this was a school project and nothing else. I used the pocket money my father usually gave me to pay for the purchases. I felt like I really owned these things more than I would if my boyfriend had paid for them as he usually did. I felt a sense of freedom in being able to choose for and pay for my own things without my boyfriend’s impute. Chinese culture prefers when women are overly dependent on men for all things and less dependent on themselves even in the very simple and basic things and that is why parents allow the boyfriend time to dictate to the girl right behaviors so that she can be well adjusted to his taste by the time of marriage. The “dominant gender role is for women to remain in the home” even for Pilipino women and this means that women are to be silent and homemakers in society (The Care Crisis in the Philippines). Call him first It is very inappropriate for a woman to call or seek out a man unless there is an extreme emergency. Tradition has not been influenced by changing technology. I have many times felt like I would like to call my boyfriend but was constrained by ettiqute.I was able to call, text, Skype and e-mail my boyfriend at my pleasure for the one week we decided. I have to confess that I over did it. It was so freeing to be able to call him anytime I felt like it. He was always a bit surprised when I did because he is cultured to expect me to wait for his call. The first time was also rather difficult for me but I gave myself courage and also reasoned that it was an assignment after all and I would not be judged or penalized by my boyfriend for behaving in an unconventional manner. The man in Chinese culture is always the one to initialize all things and all conversation especially those that deal with sensitive matters. Some feel that women are allies to their own disadvantage in patriarchal societies and this may be true but it requires a lot of “…on other hand, is not an easy one, requiring as it does both epistemic humility and courage.”(Four Theses on Men and Sexual Harassment) Ask him out My boyfriend was shocked and I was sweating to the point that I thought he was able to smell it. Then he laughed! He remembered the project and graciously agreed that we go out. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. It felt great though. However, I am sure not repeating that in the near future. Speak first At the date, I made the point of starting the conversation and steering it in a direction that we normally do not go. Not everyone in our group could hide their shock because it was usually the men who spoke and we girls just murmured a few random “yes” or “no” just to flow with the conversation. This is because our society is strongly partriarchal. I wonder what would happen if we were like the Keres where women and men are supposed to speak up first and identify with their mothers, Just wondering- its freeing just to be able to wonder ! It is liberating. It is like speaking in my mind and no one has the ability to control my thoughts. “Among the Keres, "context" and "matrix" are equivalent terms, and both refer to approximately the same thing as knowing your derivation and place. Failure to know your mother, that is, your position and its attendant traditions, history, and place in the scheme of things, is failure to remember your significance, your reality, your right relationship to earth and society.” (Who is your Mother). Read More