The Dissolution of Marriage by a Court Judgment or Accepted Customs - Essay Example

Divorced Families What is divorced family? Divorce is the dissolution of marriage by court judgment or accepted customs. In today’s day and age, many marriages have ended in divorce or separation and this negatively affects the children. Why do people usually divorce after they get marry and have children? Families usually resort to divorce due to many reasons such infidelity, domestic violence, alcohol and drug abuse, religious and cultural differences, lack of communication, finances stresses, among others. According to Karen (1), domestic violence is one major reason why people usually divorce. Domestic violence is a type of violence that occurs between family members and partners when one person tries to control another. The victim might be a wife, husband, or child. Most often though domestic violence is committed by men against women. The abuser’s behavior can include physical, psychological and sexual methods of control. Noticeable effects might be a black eye or a broken arm. However, there is much more to domestic violence than visible signs. For intimate partners, emotional violence can include humiliation, forced isolation, and loss of control over finances. The abuser may drive recklessly or make threats with weapons to scare the victim. He or she may also try to control the victim with intense jealousy, call the victim degrading names, and sexually harass or rape the victim. Domestic violence has become a global issue; it affects families around the world. The violence may begin small with a push, a slap, or a kick. If the violence escalates the consequences can be deadly (Karen, 2). Infidelity can be devastating to a marriage. Infidelity literally means unfaithfulness or disloyalty. It is the breaking of a vow or a promise. An affair is defined as an illicit amorous relationship or liaison. Infidelity and trust issues frequently take place together and can have a major impact on the choice to separate or divorce. Cheating is defined as depriving someone of something expected. Cheating can brings about mistrust and feelings of dissatisfaction in a marriage. It can also bring about insecurity in a marriage. When trust is lost due to infidelity, one or both partners may have difficulty moving past the betrayal. Loss of trust can also stem from lying, stealing, jealousy or flirting (Ayra, 2). Addictions take a financial and an emotional toll on families. There different forms of addiction such as drug abuse, alcohol abuse, gambling as well as sexual addictions. Time and again, the partner who is an addict declines to acknowledge the consequences of his addiction on the family and opts not to put an end to his or unhealthy behavior. Usually this leads to marital stress and, in the end, divorce or separation. Some additions might take the attention of the person away from the spouse thus he or she does not have time for his or her partner, or put financial strain on the family because the addict prefers to use money to satisfy his cravings instead of taking care of the needs of the family. Drugs often cause people to do things they would not do if they were rational and free of the influence of drugs (Patrick, 2). How does divorce impact children? Divorce weakens the children’s capacity to cope with conflict. The ability of a couple to deal with conflict and make steps towards agreement is major difference between marriages that stay together and those marriages that end in a separation or a divorce. Children from divorced families can acquire from their parents the same inability to work through conflict. For example, college students of divorced parents utilize violence more often to solve conflict compared to those students from families that are still intact. They are most likely to be physically violent and aggressive towards their friends, both female and male. Children from divorced parents, in their own marriages, are more likely to be discontented, to diminish communication with their partners, to increase conflicts, to quarrel, to shout when quarrelling, as well as physical attacking their partners when they disagree. Therefore, the destructive ways that parents use to handle conflict that bring about divorce can be passed on from generations to generations (Patrick, 3). With divorce, many children loose the lifestyle they have enjoyed. Their access to resources diminishes. When researchers examine income in families that get divorced compared with those that stay together, they find that intact families’ income rise over time, while divorced families’ income decline. Thus, divorced parents no longer have the same budget for their children’s housing, vacation, wardrobe, and entertainment. Children most inevitably loose material things- from cars to computers. This drop in their standards of living, moreover, means further pressures for children such as moving to a less expensive home, changing schools, losing contact with friends in the neighborhood, having more limited college choices, and living with a parent who is preoccupied with financial problems. For some children, losing their home causes severe grief resembling the loss of a loved one. Along with having less income and moving to a anew house, children whose parents divorce usually move to poorer neighborhoods where they have less access to community resources. The longer parents reside in a community, the more likely they are to know about and take advantages of opportunities in the community for their children. With a move, they lose contact familiar community facilities, programs, and people. They are less likely to know which are the best schools and programs. Moreover, because they are depressed from the divorce, they are less likely to develop ties to the new community. After divorce, children who live with their mothers also lose access to the community resources that were provided by their fathers, such as membership to a country club or connections that are important in landing a first job (Patrick, 4). Stressful events in life cause trouble to children who attend school or not. Stressful life events may include divorce or separation of parents. This is because of the fact that divorce or separation of parents can affect the emotional, psychological, and physical well-being of a child. The two well-known destructive effects of alcohol and drug abuse among teenagers are sexual abuse and molestation as well as teenage pregnancy. Drinking alcohol and using drugs can cause inability of a teenager to use right judgment (Patrick, 4). After divorce, some children not only experience a decline in their standards of living but, are in fact, downright poor; twenty-seven percent of children living with their mothers and twelve percent of children living with their fathers are in poverty, compared with five percent living with both parents. Lack of money limits children’s quality education because they cannot afford to in neighborhoods with better public schools or go to go to private schools. They are likely to attend lower quality schools, schools with higher dropout rates and more students’ behavior problem. Lack of income is also related to parent’s poor psychological adjustment, and it impairs parent’s ability to control the children. The lack of economic resources after divorce, as one would expect, is one cause of children’s problems after divorce. It a reason that divorce leads to behavior problems; depressed mood; lower test scores in math, science, reading, social studies; less self esteem; and worse school performance. The absence of one parent after divorce is another consequence of divorce. Lack of contact with the custodial parent, usually the father, is another cause of children’s problem. Fathers have little contact with their children after divorce, and this contact decreases over time. According to the National Survey of Families and Household, nearly one-third of divorced fathers do not see their children, and only one-quarter see them as often as once a week (Kristen, 5). Children of divorced parents encounter difficulties in romance and courtship as they reach maturity. They often end up dating frequently and have more botched romantic relationships. Not surprisingly, this leads to them having multiple sexual partners, increasing the risk of acquiring a fatal sexually transmitted disease. Young adult children from divorced parents have a problem when it comes to trusting their partners and have a tendency to love their spouses less. Normally, they are afraid of being rejected, and thus the lack of trust often deters a deepening of their relationships. The divorce of parents alters their children’s marriage expectation. Some of these children, to evade divorce, become choosier when choosing a marriage partner, whilst some remain very unsure of marriage as well as their own capacity to handle it (Patrick, 5). Works Cited Ayra Moore. (2014). Factors Contributing to a Divorce. Everydaylife.globalpost.com Web 23 April 2014 Karen Kenny. (2011). Domestic violence. Minnesota: ABDO Publishing Company. Kristen Moutria. (2014). The Negative Impact That Divorce Can Leave on Children. Everydaylife.globalpost.com. Web 23 April 2014. Patrick Fagan,. & Robert Rector. (2000). The Effects of Divorce on America. Peacemaker.net, 5 June 2000. Web 23 April 2014. Patrick Fagan. (1999). The Effects of Divorce on Children. Worldcongress.org, 8 November 1999. Web 23 April 2014 Read More