Issues of Cohabitation and Parenting Styles - Research Paper Example

ISSUES OF COHABITATION AND PARENTING STYLES of Introduction This research paper will explore position related to family studies. According to Merriam Webster’s online dictionary, family studies relate to how people are connected to each other in marriage. It also refers to a group of people who are related to each other by blood. In fact it is a state of being united to a person of opposite sex as a husband or wife in a contractual and consensual relationship. A family can be nuclear meaning it is made up father mother and children; it can also be extended so that it extends to grandparents. Still we could have other types for families like single fatherhood and single mother families. So the concept of a family is more than people who are biologically related. So when viewed in this perspective the family may include people of the same sex or different sex living together. Formation of a family Unit Since time immemorial family has been treated as the basic unit of any society. Throughout the world, family composition has affected the lives of children and their parents in various ways. For instance, the size and the structure of the family and the capacity to maintain itself in modern society have played a critical role. It can suggest how the children will be raised their level of education and whether they can participate in any form of labour force. Looking at this objectively, the principal structures of house hold include the nuclear, extended and blended families. The nuclear family contains two generations which are the parents and children. The extended family is multigenerational while the blended forms arise from death of a spouse or divorce and remarriage bringing around a new generation of children where step parents become common. Families have identifiable stages regardless of their position during which time specific tasks become the focus of family life. This is exemplified in the table below. Family Life Stages and Tasks Stage Task Early married life People establish a satisfying marriage Child bearing family Encourage development of infants Pre-school family Nurture children in growth promoting way School aged family Socialize and educate children Family with teen -agers Balance responsibility with freedom as they mature Launching family Maintain supportive strong base and release adults Middle aged parents Rebuild and rekindle the marriage relationship Aging family Adjust to retirement as well as death of a spouse According to Linda (2006) families go through various transitions in their life time which are inevitable. Other investigations reveal that children who come from families with both biological parents are less likely to experience cognitive, social and emotional problems. This is witnessed both in childhood and adult hood. Other comparisons show that children raised in stable families with continuous parents are likely to receive higher standard of living, they are emotionally closer to both parents and they are subjected to less stressful stressful moments and events. Finally, current marriage promotion policies can affect well-being of modern children following improved health care and sensitivity the rights of children (Hantrais, Filipov, & Billari, 2006). Current Family Functioning For the purposes of this paper, family functioning is defined in terms of a family unit. However, this conception varies with any given culture. This enables families to effectively cope with cultural, psychosocial, environmental and socioeconomic stresses throughout the family lifecycle. Family functioning can be positive or negative and this is defined through a variety of emotional attributes, family governance frameworks, cognitive engagement and physical health habits, development characteristics, and social connectedness intra‐familial relationships. Positive family functioning is characterized by emotional closeness, educational interaction, support, warmth, security, good communication, applied age‐appropriate expectations stimulating modeling of physical health promotion strategies, high quality relationships between all family members and involvement of family members in community activities. It is increasingly recognized that rapid social, cultural, technological and economic changes are imposing increasing stress on traditional values, family structures and the ability to adapt to new environments in different societies. The Couple and Family Map The Couple and Family Map is a very useful tool that helps one to understand couple and family relationships. It focuses on the family systems theory and is structured on the three principal dimensions namely flexibility, cohesion, and communication. Hence, the Couple and Family Map describes three types of family system and these are unbalanced, balanced and mid-range. Flexibility Family flexibility refers to the ability of a family system to change its power and authority structure and relationship rules and respond effectively to developmental and situational stress. Flexibility measures the ability of a relationship to adjust to changes in the contemporary society. Families and marriages can range from having a rigid and authoritarian leadership to being limited or chaotic with erratic leadership. In order to be in a position to measure, describe, and diagnose a couple on this dimension, a variety of concepts have been considered from several multi social science disciplines. These concepts include: family power, authority, role relationships, negotiation styles and relationship rules. A rigid relationship is where one individual is highly autocratic. Decisions are made from one central point and there is no room for decision making. The advantage attributed to this type of leadership style in a family is that decisions are easily made and stressful situations are easily solved (Carlson, 2011). Democratic relationship also known as structured relationship is overall less rigid. This leadership is less authoritarian and controlling and it is shared between the parents. Roles are stable but there is sharing of the roles. Decisions are made collectively by both parents through equal participation. A flexible relationship is more open to change. Leadership is permissive and underachieving. Roles are sometimes shared and rules could change. At times the parents may not know their position. A rejecting relationship has erratic or limited leadership. Decisions are impulsive and not well thought out it is also characterized by psychological challenges and immaturity. Finally there are the uninvolved leaderships where nobody cares about the wellbeing of the family affairs. Both the parents and children are in a state of solitude, negligence, withdrawal and underachieving. Flexibility focuses much on the ability of a couple and family system to balance democracy versus dictatorship. Very elevated levels of flexibility may get chaotic and very low levels of flexibility might pose problems of rigidity to a marriage and family. On the same note, relationships with moderate scores are capable of balancing some change and some flexibility in a functional manner. In fact there is no absolute level for any relationship, but some relationships have problems if they go to the extreme of the model. Below is a model illustrating the Couple and Family Map; The Model is highly dynamic because it assumes change can occur in families over a period of time. Families are free to move in any direction that the stage of the family life cycle may dictate or socialization of family members (Olson, 2008). Family Cohesion It is defined as the emotional bonding that the family members have toward each other. Some of the specific concepts that are applied to measure, describe, and diagnose a couple on this dimension include: emotional bonding, coalitions, boundaries, time, space, friends, decision-making, interest and recreation. Therefore, cohesion measures the amount of togetherness in a relationship. Marriages and families range from being very close disengaged from each other or being very distant. A disengaged relationship mostly has extreme, emotional separateness. There is negligible involvement between the couple and a lot of personal independence and separateness. Both parents do their own thing and have separate points of interests. On the other hand a separated relationship shows some emotional separateness but is not as serious as the disengaged system. It is characterized by time apart which is crucial time together for joint some joint decision making. Activities and interests are separate but a few of them are shared. A connected relationship has some emotional loyalty and closeness in the relationship. Time together is crucial than apart because there is an emphasis on togetherness. There are separate friends, but also interests are shared by a couple or family members. Additionally an enmeshed relationship depicts an extreme amount of emotional closeness and togetherness is demanded. The rate of dependence between individuals is extremely high. There is no personal separateness, but only a little secret is allowed. Most energy of the individuals is mainly focuses on the marriage or family and there are few interactions with other members of the society. In summary, cohesion reflects on the ability of the family system to balance separateness and togetherness. Elevated levels of togetherness and low levels of togetherness may wreck problems to a marriage. Consequently, relationships having moderate scores are able to balance being alone or together in a more functional manner. To minimize these problems, it is imperative for couple to avoid getting their relationship to either extreme. Communication It is considered a useful facilitating dimension. In fact, it assists couples and families to move on well with the other two dimensions. Because communication is a facilitating dimension, it is not graphically demonstrable in the Circumflex Model. Couple communication is evaluated using a separate communication scale in all three Inventories. Communication skills can be positive or negative. Positive communication skills include proper application of good social skills like empathy, good listening, supportive comments that will enable couples and families to share feelings with each other, their changing dire needs and preferences as they incorporate flexibility and cohesion. On the other hand negative communication skills include double binds, double messages, criticism etc. It reduces the ability of family members to share their feelings and thereby restrict their movement on these parameters. Different Positions on the Map The Family Map is very important because individuals often tend to recreate their past family system in their marriage. Individuals either recreate the type of family system they had as children or they react by doing the opposite. This description is well exemplified by Amy Chua in her book “The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”. In her book, she depicts a family that is raised up by a strict father but eventually it achieves its objectives. Position during Cohabitation Period Cohabitation is concerned with two unrelated adults of the opposite sex sharing the same living quarters. Studies show that it is highly rated among children of divorced parents and higher among older people. Major reasons why people cohabitate is because it allows for greater time together, intimacy that lacks commitment of marriage, economic advantage of sharing financial burden, learns about each other without divorce issues and challenges, test compatibility and engage in marriage ahead of time. This is well illustrated in the movie “Cohabitation Formulation” whereby, Bernadette makes Howard to choose between herself and his mother, while Priya returns to the city and starts to date Leonard”. This type of relationship indicates a lot of permissiveness hence the position of such type of family as depicted in the table is that it is much enmeshed and moderately cohesive. It is also flexible and it can turn out to be chaotic (Cendrowski, 2011). Position during Parenting During parenting a number of styles can be used to bring up children. This is clearly indicated in the Couple and Family Model. Parents can decide on which style to use and achieve family goals. For instance, democratic style is applicable to those parents who will come together and agree on family issues pertaining to the wellbeing of the family. On the other hand, dictatorial parents will not come together and participate in decision making, but instead they will tend to make their own decisions without consultation. Also, it is evident from the model that some parents are highly permissive and they don’t pay much attention to what actually goes on in the family institution. Duties of each parent are not clearly defined and one may not identify their position in marriage. Specific Problems Faced by the Families Families are bound to be faced with challenges of all sorts stemming from social, economic, spiritual to political problems. In fact every family has its unique combination of strengths and weaknesses. At times families may get overwhelmed by what appear like endless of challenges. The major problems faced by families include: Abuse This is a major threat to marriage as it injures the body, soul and mind. There are many forms of abuse in families. For instance a father who rapes her young daughter subjects her to sexual abuse and defilement which leaves behind a psychological scar which may proof difficult to heal. Similarly a man who subjects her wife to sexual assault leaves her psychologically ill. Likewise, there are some families that will subject their children to child labor which also qualifies as a form of child abuse. Addiction Those parents who are into drugs are likely to become addicted a condition that may subject many families to separation, disintegration and disengagement. When one parent or both parents in a family become addicted to drugs, responsibilities are forgotten and such families risk divorce. Divorce This is a major trial issue that affects the entire family. Major causes of divorce can be attributed to high expectations that partners may have for each other. For instance, fifty-one per cent of families with a disabled child may have financial difficulties and more than two-thirds link this problem to their child’s disability. Almost a quarter have problems at work because of their caring duties. So in cases such as these, the weaker partner may opt to walk away. Also one may have to give up work, or just to adapt your career .This concentration may lead to instability in marriages. Over the long term, this will mean that your family’s wellbeing is significantly affected. Higher Rates of Depression and Anxiety in Children Recent studies show that mental illnesses are on the rise including both children and adults. In children it is on the rise following lack of close connection with their parents. This brings a feeling of alienation and loneliness making children to become isolated. Then these students face pressure at school and they come home to parents who are not hearing them. Lack of quality time with Children Though parents are spending time with their kids, they are not giving them full attention. The parents are constantly checking their emails, phones, newspapers and many other involvements. These totally keep the away from their children making them lose interest. Grief Grief is part of mortality but it becomes serious when the bread winner succumbs to death as the family is left with no one to look up to. Such implications are highly felt in developing countries where financial struggle places a heavy burden to the siblings of the departed member of the family. Suicide Due to the rising issues in modern families which include work stress, depression, low income, drug addiction, family conflicts etc. Most parents are finding it difficult to preserver these hardships turning to suicide as the only sure way to solve problems. In Africa for instance, most people will commit suicide following domestic conflicts or due to lack of finance to fund families responsibly. Infidelity Following sexual revolution, most people have become introduced to sexual matter at a very tender age. There is also increased sexual immorality in the society which has highly contributed to increased rates of unfaithfulness among married couples. Also there is increased sexual harassment in places of work which subjects colleagues in a working environment to marital sexual affairs. On the same note, partners with seemingly abnormal sexual orientations may discourage their marriage partners. Disobedience Some families are faced with children who are tough headed who don’t listen to their parent’s advice. Such children will subject their parents to unnecessary for stress in an effort to mold the ill behavior of their children. More so such children may risk spending their time in jail for example if they indulge in vices that may see them in jail (Chua, 2012). Likely Trajectory and Outcomes for the Family Families have a pathway that is shaped by cultural and structural forces which revolves around transformations and gender patterns. A close look at modern society reveals that trajectories ate characterized by changing family circumstances rather than static families. As families grow, they get increasingly exposed to both internal and external experiences. Common trajectories and outcomes that modern families have to cope with include Deteriorating Traditional Marriages In fact, most marriages are at stake today compared to traditional families. The parents who lived in traditional homes conclude that there were different roles for both men and women and they strongly abound by them. Today, there are no clear definitions between the role of men and women and as such, men feel threatened as women become more empowered to take up their roles with ripple effects throughout the household. Freeing Fathers and Mothers A loss of economic support is the most apparent danger posed when a father or a mother leaves. In fact, studies have shown that, once economic decline is taken into account, the harmful consequences of divorce and single parenthood are significantly reduced and can even disappear. Some children have been known to welcome a parental breakup because it brought relief from economic hardship and ultimately better economic prospects. Single Parenthood and Marital Separation Following high rate of divorce, many parents have opted to remain single. More so, financial empowerment of women has left many women unmarried as they opt to survive on their own. Consequently some single parents have significantly eroded a child’s financial security than to enhance it. Equality and Balance in Partners For the families that have succeeded, both partners have tried to create a committed relationship; they also hold standards about the form a worthwhile relationship should take. Men and women alike agree that a last bond should offer both personal autonomy and egalitarian sharing. Inflexible Institutions While egalitarian ideals are preferable to women and men alike, most worry that there are constricted opportunities bound to put these ideals beyond their reach. It is difficult to juggle family and work when most jobs are highly involving. It is also risky to depend on another adult when relationships are unpredictable. Both women and men thus acknowledge that their well laid down options may fall short of their ideal. References Carlson, J. E. (2011). The Parent Effect. New York: National Assn of Social Workers Press. Cendrowski, M. (Director). (2011). The Cohabitation Formulation [Motion Picture]. Chua, A. (2012). Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. New York: Bloomsbury Publishing. Hantrais, L., Filipov, D., & Billari, F. C. (2006). Policy Implications of Changing Family Formation. London: Council of Europe. Olson, D. (2008). The Couple Checkup. London: Thomas Nelson Inc. Read More