Bereavement and 9/11: Phone Calls from the Towers - Essay Example

?Bereavement and 9/11: Phone Calls from the Towers Bereavement and grief are common to everyone, yet grief is sometimes seen as a form of weakness and can often be misunderstood or ignored (Kubler-Ross, 1973). Several models have been proposed within the 20th century that have brought more attention to the matter and have improved awareness of the need for sensitivity towards individuals suffering from grief after recent bereavement or diagnosis with a terminal illness. These models have also illustrated the need for grief as part of the bereavement process. The Kubler-Ross Model The Kubler-Ross model (commonly called The Five Stages of Grief) is one of the most well-known and influential grief models ever composed. The model essentially suggests that people who have experienced significant loss will be within one of five stages, which are known as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and anger (Kubler-Ross, 1973). The stages are usually referred to in this order, but the model does not suggest that these must be followed in a linear fashion in the grieving process, nor does it suggest that each stage must be experienced only once (Flatt, 1987). The model was initially derived from Kubler-Ross’ experiences with those who had recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness, but was later expanded to be relevant to anyone who had experienced a recent catastrophic loss. Each of the five stages is described within the work by Kubler-Ross (1973). Denial is described as being completely unaware of the situation that one is in. The most important part of denial is that the person within this stage will often feel fine or even good in themselves and will thus appear strange to those on the outside who cannot understand why this person is not experiencing grief. This stage is usually considered to be one of the shortest (Friedman, 1984) as complete denial of the event cannot continue forever. The next stage described in this work is anger. Again, it is important to note that this may not immediately follow denial in the process. The anger experienced by the individual here may be directed at anyone, including the recently deceased. For example, someone may ask ‘why did you have to die and leave me alone?’ of the deceased one, with some anger being expressed at the fact that this person has ‘left’ life without permission. It is also possible to be angry at the perpetrator of the death, whether this is considered the doctors, the murderer, the driver or whoever can be found responsible (Barone & Ivy, 2004). The third main stage is known as bargaining. This involves the griever pleading with whichever forces they deem necessary to remove the source of the grief. In people with terminal illnesses, for example, they may ask God or another force to let them live long enough to see their children graduate (Maciejewski, 2007). In people who have recently been bereaved, they may ask to ‘swap’ the dead person with another that they do not know (Zisook & DeVaul, 1985). This stage is interesting because people often feel a lack of control with respect to death and as such this stage is trying to bring back some form of control (Bonanno & Boerner, 2007). Another stage illustrated by Kubler-Ross is the depression stage. This is the stage that is most commonly associated with grief, as it is a period of extreme sadness. The person involved may experience some of the clinical expressions of depression, which include extreme tiredness, inability to do anything and a loss of will (Maciejewski, 2007). This stage is, unlike bargaining or denial, a stage in which the individual is certain of the death, impending death or other loss and will understand fully the situation. This stage may last several years (Zisook & DeVaul, 1985) and is the most likely to reoccur at any point (Kubler-Ross, 1973). The final stage specified in this model is acceptance. This stage is another stage where the individual is certain of the events for which they are grieving, and they understand fully the situation. The common phrase associated with this phase is ‘it’s going to be ok’, which symbolises the fact that the individual understands the loss but is looking forward to the future with some hope. This stage is very important in being able to lead a full life after the events. There are a few criticisms of this model. One suggests that this model has no scientific basis, in that is just based on experiential evidence provided by Kubler-Ross (Zisook & DeVaul, 1985). The fact is that these stages are in no particular order and do not all have to be experienced, and all will seem familiar to someone during the grieving process or someone who is dealing with a grieving individual. This familiarity suggests that this model is accurate, although it is not particularly scientific, because it is just a guide that may describe the feelings of grief that some people feel (Bonanno & Boerner, 2007). It may also function to help those grieving to understand that their feelings are normal and will probably not last forever, and in this way it does not need to be particularly scientific (Maciejewski, 2007). Another problem raised with this model is that the stage of acceptance may not be relevant to some people and as such should not necessarily be included in the model (Zisook & DeVaul, 1985). There are several reasons why people may not accept their grief, such as the death of a loved one being unresolved (as in a murder case with no suspects), or simply because the individual is psychologically unable to accept the death (Kubler-Ross, 1973). Additionally, acceptance is not actually part of the grieving process in that it occurs after the grieving has been completed (Bonanno & Boerner, 2007). These stages of death are, however, useful in analysing the way that people react towards death. It also illustrates the similarities and differences between different people, which can be useful in many ways. As grief is something that affects all people, there will be similarities and the model focuses on these without removing the individuality of the process. Because of this, it is interesting to take people reacting to a crisis who are in the same situation as others and investigate how the grief affects the individuals in different and similar ways. The event chosen here is 9/11, and the effects of grief can be seen in the video 9/11:Phone Calls from the Towers. 9/11: Phone Calls from the Towers This film was created to illustrate the auditory record of this major catastrophe in American history. Many of the people trapped within the towers during this crisis made phone calls in their last minutes, and some of these were recorded and kept by the families. It was noted by someone in this film that ‘you lose the sound of their voice’, but in this case the families with recordings had this record to rely on to avoid this loss. The video gives insight into the feelings of the people within the tower, whether this was fear or acceptance, as well as the grief that the families left behind felt. This film is interesting because there is no visual record of the event from the inside, as most people within the tower died and there were no security tapes recovered. The only images from that day involve the towers in flames, falling down, the heroic actions of the servicemen and the rubble that was left afterwards. We have no personal visual record of the event. We do, however, have recordings of calls to 911 and to loved ones on that day and how people within the tower reacted and how those at home felt about the event. In some ways this is more useful in illustrating the powerful feelings of the day and how people react to such a situation. It is interesting to note that all the calls home were ones of love. Everyone within the tower who made a phone call phoned someone that they loved, whether it be family or friends. There were no messages of hate left from that day. This is a very interesting aspect of human nature; love is more important than hate in a crisis. All the phone calls to 911 also illustrated that most people within the building with calm. The people within the building had either reached the ‘acceptance’ or ‘denial’ part of their impending death. Many of the initial reactions of the people that were called seemed calm and accepting too, although this could be part of the ‘denial’ part also. One man commented that he advised his daughter to reach a stairwell and all he could do was offer her advice, and this is exactly what he did. One of the most interesting things about the film is that many of the respondents seemed to be fairly comfortable talking about the events. Most people remembered the lost one with fondness, and there were not many tears involved. This suggests that the people had accepted the death and were able to move on with their lives. This may be because it had been 9 years since the events at the time of filming, which had allowed people to experience the grief and then move on. However, despite this seeming calmness, there may be hidden layers. For example, many of the people in the film mentioned that they still listened to the audio recordings, which means that they may be in the state of denial and using this as a mechanism to pretend that the person was still alive and well. However, it is wrong to assume that everyone was using the recordings in this way, and it could just be a way of remembering the individual despite the acceptance of their death. What was surprising is that there was almost no anger displayed in the film. Despite the fact that the attacks were caused by the group al-Qaeda, this group were not mentioned and were not really being blamed for the death of the loved one. This may be due to the fact that everyone seemed to be in the acceptance stage and had already dealt with their anger, probably because it had been a significant amount of time since the event. Many of the people on this film suggested that they had been in different stages previously. One woman mentioned that she was not comforted by the phone call at the time or even for a while afterwards, suggesting that she felt either anger or depression some time after the event. The same woman said that the phone call was now a comfort to her because she realised that it was comforting to the husband that she had lost because it was his chance to say goodbye. This suggests that she had passed through some of the stages and was now in the acceptance. Another interesting point about the Kubler-Ross model is that it suggests that the stages are interchangeable and can occur at any time. Some of the people on the program seemed to be in the acceptance stage, but through talking about their loss fell into the depression stage by crying or having other reactions. Again, this backs up the fact that this model is definitely applicable to many people who have experienced bereavement and that, while it may have been developed in a ‘non-scientific’ way, it is scientific in the fact that the hypothesis can be tested and the hypothesis is proved by watching an emotional film such as this. It is notable that in the film, there are suggestions that there are other stages of grief that are not described in this model. Many people mentioned the fact that they had listened to the message numerous times after the event as some kind of punishment to themselves, or to give themselves a new understanding of the events. We could suggest from this that there is a ‘punishment’ and an ‘understanding’ stage which Kubler-Ross omitted. There may also have been a ‘hope’ stage for some of the people. Conclusion Although there are many criticisms of the Kubler-Ross model of grief, it is easy to see when observing those who have experienced loss, such as those in the film, that the stages are applicable to almost everyone. Kubler-Ross (1973) suggested that each individual goes through at least 2 of the stages, in no particular order, and it is evident from the comments on the film that this was in fact true of these people. It is interesting to note that all the people on the film seemed to have a lot in common within their grief, and this may have been part of the fact that they had all lost their loved one in a similar way. This film helps show that, despite the criticisms, this model still has applications in the real world and as such should not be immediately dismissed. Works Cited Barone, J.E. & Ivy, M.E., 2004. Resident work hours: the five stages of grief. Academic Medicine, 79(5), p.379. Bonanno, G.A. & Boerner, K., 2007. The Stage Theory of Grief. JAMA: The Journal of the American Medical Association, 297(24), p.2693. Channel 4, 9/11: Phone Calls from the Towers, Available at: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/911-phone-calls-from-the-towers [Accessed May 15, 2011]. Flatt, B., 1987. Some stages of grief. Journal of Religion & Health, 26(2), p.143-148. . Friedman, M.A.F., 1984. Grief Reactions. Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly, 1(1), p.55–69. Kubler-Ross, E., 1973. On Death and Dying, Routledge. Maciejewski, P.K. et al., 2007. An empirical examination of the stage theory of grief. JAMA: The Journal of the American Medical Association, 297(7), p.716. Silver, R.C. & Wortman, C.B., 2007. The Stage Theory of Grief. JAMA: The Journal of the American Medical Association, 297(24), p.2692. Zisook, S. & DeVaul, R., 1985. Unresolved Grief. Am. J. Psychoanal., 45, p.370-379. Read More