Critiqing two of my peers - Essay Example

Christopher Mitchell Reviewer’s _________________________________ Present the thesis in your own words and discuss whether it is persuasive and whether it provides an accurate guide to the direction of the paper.The thesis of the author is that the government should not remove the drinking age limit in the country because it can lead to serious harms to the health and welfare of the youth and society. This thesis is persuasive because of the evidence presented to support the claim, and it guides the entire direction of the paper.

Which are the essay’s strongest arguments? Why?The essay’s strongest arguments are that underage drinking has negative effects on the driving of adolescents, thereby leading to deaths and injuries, and that it also harms the youth’s functional development. These are strong arguments because of the evidence presented, such as the statistics on accidents concerning underage drinking, and the fact that children’s brains are developing and they should not be stunted with alcohol.Which are the essay’s weakest arguments? Why?Its weakest argument is the one arguing for alcohol-related illness it is true that drinking at a young age can lead to cirrhosis, but it is not something particular to the age group being analyzed in this essay.

All alcohol drinkers can develop these diseases, so saying this is not something that is directly relevant to the claims. What counterargument(s) are addressed and rebutted? If they are not present, suggest at least one counterargument and how the author might answer it.The essay does not mention a counterargument. A counterargument that I would suggest is: “Opponents of setting the drinking age limit at 21 will stress that the age 18 is already a mature age for adolescents, so they should be given the freedom to drink what they want.

” A response to this is providing evidence that people at the age of 18, who drink and drive, meet more accidents than people at 21, who drink and drive.Does the author use signal phrases to introduce quotes? (Signal phrases are discussed in more detail in section 10g of The New Century Handbook. ) If so, provide an example. If not, suggest the correct way to do this. Yes, the author uses signal phrases to introduce statistics, for example: “According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention more than 189,000 children under the age of 21 are admitted to the emergency room annually because of alcohol.

” He did not use direct quotations though. If he did, he can write one sentence this way: “Direnfeld (2012) describes a few different diseases that are related to alcohol, such as cirrhosis of the liver.”Are all quotations followed by in-text citations that include the page or paragraph number? The quotations followed proper in-text citations, although the page or paragraph number is missing. For instance, this has no paragraph number: : “According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention more than 189,000 children under the age of 21 are admitted to the emergency room annually because of alcohol.

” The paragraph number is 1, so the proper citation is: (CDC par.1).Are all quotations followed by explanations that interpret the quote?Yes, all quotations are followed with explanations that interpret the quote. For instance, the paraphrased quotation is: “This means that consuming alcohol during this vital period could prevent the brain from developing to its full potential” (Baldacci, 2007). The interpretation of the quote is: “To allow children to drink alcohol before their brains were fully developed is handicapping them to be the best they can be.

” Does the author ever directly address the reader? If so, point out a sentence and show how this sentence could be written more formally. The author directly addressed the reader in the beginning or hook sentence: “We should eliminate the drinking age in the United States.” This sentence can be written formally by saying: “The public should not allow the elimination of the drinking age in the United States.” The public refers to “we” already.Make additional comments here (this is the place to share your own thoughts and reactions to the ideas): The writing can be improved through creating topic sentences for the second and fourth paragraphs.

They started with quotations immediately, instead of beginning with topic sentences. Also, the beginning sentence of the introduction is not an effective hook. An effective hook can be statistics about the youth dying more because of underage drinking than drugs, or a powerful image of what underage drinking does to the brains and attitudes of the youth.Writer’s name: Guillermo Lopez-Young IIIReviewer’s name:_________________________________Present the author’s thesis in your own words and discuss whether it is persuasive and whether it provides an accurate guide to the direction of the paper.

The thesis of the author is that addiction to technology has significant disadvantages to people and the society. This thesis is persuasive because of the evidence presented and it guides the entire direction of the paper.Which are the essay’s strongest arguments? Why?The essays strongest arguments are that addiction to the Internet damages the brain, and that it also harms the financial conditions of the society. These are strong arguments because of the evidence presented, such as brain scan evidence for damage in the brain due to Internet addiction, and the effect of marketing on the buying attitudes and habits of people.

Which are the essay’s weakest arguments? Why?Its weakest argument is the relationship between the Internet and obesity. There should be a study that directly links the two, where after other factors are controlled, it can be shown that Internet actually causes obesity. What counterargument(s) are addressed and rebutted? If they are not present, suggest at least one counterargument and how the author might answer it.The essay does not mention a counterargument. A counterargument that I would suggest is: “Supporters of heavy internet dependence argue that the Internet itself cannot cause obesity because it does not force people to eat more or to not exercise.

The people still have the responsibility to take care of their healthy by having a balanced diet and doing enough exercise.” A response to this is providing evidence that correlates Internet addiction with having a poor diet and not exercising or having less physical activity. Does the author use signal phrases to introduce quotes? (Signal phrases are discussed in more detail in section 10g of The New Century Handbook. ) If so, provide an example. If not, suggest the correct way to do this.

Yes, the author uses signal phrases to introduce statistics, for example: “Donna Bowater says, “Researchers compared brain scans of young people with ‘internet addiction disorder’ with their peers and found damage to the white matter fibres connecting emotional processing, attention and decision making parts” (Bowater, 2012, para. 1).” Are all quotations followed by in-text citations that include the page or paragraph number? The quotations followed proper in-text citations with paragraph numbers.

For instance, this has a paragraph number: Charles Sullivan says, “The American people are brainwashed by prolonged exposure to the corporate media, particularly television, which has a financial stake in keeping them propagandized and in a stupor. The religion of America is buying and selling. Capital is God and everyone and everything is subservient to it” (Sullivan, 2010, para. 2). Are all quotations followed by explanations that interpret the quote?Yes, all quotations are followed with explanations that interpret the quote.

For instance, the quotation is: “Andrea Cespedes says, “During the past 20 years, the number of obese and overweight children has rapidly risen. One contributor to these climbing rates is the prevalence of technology and media that promotes sedentary behavior” (Cespedes, 2011, para. 1). The interpretation of the quote is: “The huge entertainment value of advancing technology is causing children and grownups alike to become glued their office chairs, living room sofas, and beds causing them to be less active in life.

” Does the author ever directly address the reader? If so, point out a sentence and show how this sentence could be written more formally. The author does not directly address the reader. This makes the essay formal and academic in writing.Make additional comments here (this is the place to share your own thoughts and reactions to the ideas): The writing can be improved through creating a more detailed thesis. A suggestion is: “Addiction to technology has significant health, biological, and financial disadvantages to people and the society.

” The writing is clear and with good topic sentences. The transition sentences are also clear and helpful in producing a good flow of ideas.