Apart from this lack of orderliness, other mistakes can be easily corrected and then the work is written to make a more cohesive and coherent document. Such an action of rearrangement will entail subdividing the paper into sections with clear subheadings. The focus of this paper is on why need-based scholarships should replace merit-based scholarships. Although this should be a thesis-based argument or paper, what appears to be the thesis is unfortunately found in the third paragraph. It claims that the need-based scholarships will increase access to education for students from low-income and minority families which will eventually increase the gap between the rich and poor.
Apart from the heading that gives a hint of what the paper is about, it is not until the third paragraph that one starts to get an idea of what the paper is talking about. There are no sections and what the paper does is provide reasons that support the thesis without giving clear indications on what perspective the reasons are based on. The subject matter of the paper has been explained thoroughly through supportive ideas but it has not been subdivided into sections. In terms of argument, the article has adopted argument by authority whereby it closely follows ideas of others although in many instances it fails to quote the originators of the ideas.
Many of the arguments are well thought and logical which makes the overall reasoning of the paper very strong. As such, there are no hasty generalizations, and supporting ideas are well balanced and thought out. Generally, the introduction and conclusion have not been well done. The introduction lacks the thesis statement owing to the fact that the first paragraph is always considered the introductory paragraph where the thesis is usually located. On the part of the conclusion, there is no special technique applied and it should have summarized the main points of the paper besides re-stating the thesis statement.
In the introduction, there is no mention of any particular order that the paper would follow, and therefore, it follows a natural process of providing supporting ideas. Many of the paragraphs have very clear topic sentences while few lack them. In the few paragraphs that lack topic sentences, there is a lack of coherence and flow of the paper whereby one finds it hard to connect the paragraph with the rest of the paper. Both grammatical errors and mechanical errors are quite a few which hamper understanding of the paper.
There are many typos and tense errors and some sentences are too long. Such errors make it hard to grasp easily the intended meaning or point in a paragraph. Generally, the paper is well flowing with very strong arguments that advocate for the reason why need-based scholarships should replace merit-based scholarships.
Read More
