Martha Peer review MS2 - Essay Example

Hi Martha! Your paper was very interesting; I will begin with the strengths. I must say that I was pretty much impressed by the diligence and determination with which you helped parents and families. The patience you showed towards people of different cultures and dealing the situation professionally and strategically is very admirable. The transition you made as a volunteer to paid staff is explained comprehensively. Also the details you gave on how the DCF works were very helpful and gave me a better understanding of the responsibility you had.

As for the weaknesses, here are a few. Many typographical mistakes were seen in your paper. If you go back and review it once again I am sure you will also see them. E.g. pg 1 “household andwhat better”, on pg 2 “can assessa critical”, on pg 3 “training andpassed the post- training” and many more. Some sentences were very long and thus were confusing e.g. on pg 4 “The primary goal was to support abusive and neglectful parents, change their unhealthy patterns of …..The hope is to improve their parenting skills so that they will begin to derive pleasure from being with their child(ren) and will no longer abuse or neglect them.

” Here there is a sudden change tense. On pg 4 “However, her line of questioning made me…. I vacillated between feeling exposed and judged by her as she continued to try and get me to reveal experiences from my past” is unnecessarily long and could have been divided into two sentences. There was some repetition of word like “Abuse and neglect”, “albeit”, and “learned” that did not give a very good impression. Synonyms could have been used. There were some sentences that were poorly constructed like on pg 1” I knew I was a compassionate, sensitive, caring person and was often told by friends that I was easy to talk to” could have been written as I knew I was a compassionate, sensitive, caring and was often told by friends that I was someone who is easy to talk to, On pg 3 “I felt certain that if I encountered domestic violence, I too, could become a victim by merely being in the wrong place at the wrong time” could have been written as I felt certain that if encountered domestic violence, I too, could become a victim by merely being in the wrong place at the wrong time and on pg 10 “In situations where I couldn’t relate to a particular event, I explored my own feelings about the situation and handled it the best way I could with patience, tolerance and a sense of humor” as In situations where I couldn’t relate to a particular event, self exploration about the situation helped me to handle it in the best way I could with patience, tolerance and a sense of humor.

” Before I finish here are some suggestions. You gave a detailed explanation of your job and how it works. But by the end of the paper I felt something was missing, maybe if you could have shared more of your experiences especially of mixed race, single and gay relationships it would have proven to be more helpful. You mentioned in the paper that after 6 years, the policy was changed in which strengths of the families were focused. An example or experience in this context would have been great.

Lastly you could have provided a brief description on the sub topics mentioned on pg 3 “During the training we were given a general overview of the parent’s and children’s needs, family dynamics in child abuse and neglect, domestic violence issues, reporting cases of child abuse and neglect, the welfare system, community resources and communication skills.” Great effort!James