Reflective Essay: My Experiences As a Writer - Personal Statement Example

Reflective Essay: My Experiences As a Writer As soon as I began to think more deeply about this topic, I realized how little enjoyment I got out of writing throughout my school years. When I examined the reasons why this was, I discovered that my main barrier to any pleasure from writing was my difficulty with taking my experiences and imagination, and converting them to the written word. The act of writing about feelings, events or matters of interest to me was always a hard task. It seemed to be a necessary evil, a part of education that had to be endured, not enjoyed. When I was a child, there were plenty of books, stories, songs and nursery rhymes around me, but I preferred to watch cartoons instead of reading a book, though comics were acceptable. Reflecting on why I did this, I recalled my behavior as a little boy. Making, running, doing, talking, seeking new adventures all appealed to me much more than sitting with a book or listening to stories. I wanted to be in there with Tom and Jerry, or outfoxing Wylie Coyote, like Road Runner. My mom would insist that homework was finished before I could go out to play. I gave it the least time and attention, when it came to writing, but looking back, I see how much history and heroic people and actions captured my imagination. But I felt frustrated and inadequate because of my inability to put my thoughts down on paper with the right words. So I used the bare minimum, just to get me through. I realize that comics helped me to read; I related to this form of the written word because of its sparseness - I wrote like the speech bubbles. I have never forgotten the humiliation I felt when, at the age of around ten years old, the teacher read my journal to the class, on the subject of “What I did in summer vacation.” My entry was a mere two lines, as follows: “We swam, we rode bikes. I climbed some trees and got a new skateboard. It was fun.” The whole class laughed, because they knew she expected them to, joining in her ridicule. I fought hard not to cry. But I believe I was trying to pack all the action into those words, and had I been asked to tell it aloud, then nobody would have laughed, they would have loved my story. By the time I reached high school, I believed I would never be good at writing. My attitude to failure was firmly fixed. This seemed confirmed by my experience of low marks and sometimes, derogatory comments from teachers about my essays, also reinforcing my negative beliefs. I felt, like most adolescents, a need to protect myself, so I shrugged and behaved as if it was not a problem, just accepted that my essays would never get an A or even a B-. I was good with computers, art, technical drawing, science, anything in fact, that called for active, physical participation, so I used this as compensation. By reflection, I can relate how this fits in with me as a small child, and can understand how my beliefs and attitudes influenced my self- perception. In a way, I was the one who put up the barriers and placed myself in a box, a category of a non-literary type of person. I had friends who were great at English, A’s all the time. I now believe I deliberately became close to one person, in the hope that I might learn from her. I have never before recognized that this was part of my motivation, and it tells me how it hurt then not to be able to write well, and how much I envied those who could. Then I had to read, (somewhat reluctantly, I admit, for reasons already outlined), some pieces of poetry to be analyzed and then discussed in class. This reflection deepens my understanding as to why ‘Fog’ by Carl Sandburg captured me and still remains a favorite for me. It is short, sweet, fully of stealthy movement, and creates a huge panoramic picture. If he could say so much with so few words, then may I could too. The report I wrote was graded A- and I was bursting with pride. After this point, I believe my perceptions of myself as a writer began to alter very slightly towards a more positive view of what I might be capable of. I know that most poetry does not engage me; I think this is because poems often contain too many allusions, words and literary devices and so they do not go straight to the action. I struggle to understand the underlying meanings, and my desire to be doing and moving prevents me from taking the time to unravel the poetic format. This has never been the case where reading novels or factual literature is concerned. In my twenties, I discovered Clive Cussler and his Dirk Pitt novels, my favorite of which is ‘Raise the Titanic’. Here was a writer, and in Dirk, a character I could relate to; fantastic adventures, plenty of action and factual information to support the narrative. I recognized that I enjoyed books that allowed the imagination to go free, and I believe that this was confirmed for me in how much I appreciate Harry Potter in the J. K. Rowling books. This tells me that my imagination and ability to involve myself totally in heroic deeds could be an asset for my own writing. There is of course, a feeling of awe for the skills of these writers, who have a much better way with words than I have. But I also recognize that imagination and exploration of unusual circumstances are abilities I possess and could use as a writer. I think they are unafraid, they take risks, and that appeals to my sense of adventure; it goes some way to overcoming the barriers set up by my earlier writing experiences and poor self-belief. Reading has made me braver in my approach to writing; I can take risks too now. Everybody retains a part of the child in himself, and I am no exception. But all experiences lead to learning more about the self we are and what we can become. By reflecting on what made me view writing as I did in the past, I realize that I have choices to make in putting learning in practice. Either I could live with my perceived lack of ability, or overcome it by doing something about it. This course is one way that I have chosen to move on with a positive, exploratory learning experience. I recognize that the feelings I had on submitting my first piece of work were those of the ten year old with the meager journal entry. I was embarrassed, lacked confidence and expected humiliation. Instead, I received helpful feedback, good instructions for improvement and total encouragement. I felt that my effort was recognized and if the work was not perfect, I had been given the means to strive for perfection. During reflecting on why writing was so hard for me, I have pulled together many ideas, feelings, beliefs and experiences and created for myself a more coherent picture. I believe I have a better understanding of what all or any learning is about, and that it is a life long process that will never end. By taking my experiences and analyzing them, I can make them work for, and not against me. Until now, I did not fully realize just how much more I could achieve, and I intend to try to do just that. Read More