The Power of Habit: Perfectionism and Me - Essay Example

?Perfectionism and Me Introduction Many of us spend hours on a task that would only take twenty (20) minutes for others to complete. Few of us take more time when checking and reviewing email before sending it to our friends. How many times do you review your paper before passing it to your teacher? To some of us, we spend longer time on a certain task than others would, not because we don't know the answers, but because we cannot manage to make a mistake. A lot of people prepare and memorize their script a week before their scheduled presentation. I can say that I am guilty as charged of this obsession to be perfect. Anything less than perfect is horrible and I can not bear the feeling of being so incompetent for not being able to meet my standards. Committing a mistake is not an option for me. Aiming for perfection is not a bad thing but making a mistake is not the worse either. Perfectionism and Me Setting higher standards is one of the most common things for perfectionists like me. Those who value perfectionism think that having high standards is a good thing. Excellence means strength and failure is something unacceptable. Most of the common thinkings of perfectionism include the "black & white" or sometimes called as "all or nothing" thinking in which "almost" perfect is considered a failure (Scott, "Perfectionist Traits"). There is no space for mistakes ad whenever standards are not met, more often, people like me end up with self pity and will stress ourselves for being weak and stupid. Another kind of thinking perfectionists exhibit is catastrophe thinking which means mistakes create humiliation and disappointment from other people ("How to Overcome Perfectionism, 2). Also known to be common to perfectionism is the "should" statements. For them, everything is a responsibility and must be done respectively. I cannot remember well when exactly did I become a perfectionist. I can only remember that I always strive to be on top and the best among the rest. Striving hard does not necessarily mean only in academic standing. Instead, being perfectionist includes my daily routine and my long term goals. Being a perfectionist, I cannot help but plan my day and my meal. I cannot bear to waste time wondering what to do or what to eat. Thus everyday, I prepare a "to do" list for me to ensure things I should do will be done the way I want it to be. I am not ashamed of being a perfectionist. What makes me hate this part of being me is the fact that I always end up too disappointed whenever I fail to do something in my list and this seem to amuse my family and friends. My family and friends always tell me that I overanalyze everything that I forgot to enjoy my life anymore. I hate it when my friends can just make fun and laugh about the some things they messed up while I can't. Making a mistake me feel so stupid and I can't help but blame myself even when replying to emails and text messages. It's harder to stop at this point because I've already got used to it. But my family and friends always encourage me to be light, take things slow and enjoy every moment. As they say, life will never be perfect and being imperfect is what makes us human. Mistakes make a person stronger and better. The Power of Habit and The Habit Loop According to Duhigg (2012), individuals and habits are all different. If we are looking for the correct formula to change habits, then we will never get it because it does not exist. In Duhigg's book entitled The Power of Habit (2012), he identified the habit loop and the framework to identify our habit as well as the formula that out brain follows why we have habits. The habit loop is constituted by a routine, reward and cue. People can only understand their habit once they know the components of this habit. Routine is the behavior a person want to change. Being a perfectionist by going through planning everything, reviewing and analyzing again and again to avoid mistakes is the routine I want to try to get rid of. Rewards as identified by Duhigg (2012) is the satisfying cravings driving a particular habit. What satisfy a perfectionist is being acknowledged, trusted and respected by people. The cue refers to the triggering factor of the habit. It is very hard to identify the cue because we are feed with different information around us. But Duhigg (2012) enumerated five categories that would help us identify the cue to our habit.l which include: location, time, emotional state, other people present and immediate preceding action. Cue is what is common among the categories during observation. Upon analyzing perfectionism as my habit, I found out that whenever I hear disappointment from other people, I tend to think to be not like them and not cause disappointment to anyone. Example is whenever I hear my parents argue because they fail on something or made a mistake, I always put in my head that I have to do better and ensure they will never be disappointed in me. Only when we follow his identified framework to successfully change our habit that we can try to get rid of it. Duhigg (2012) explained that this is not one hundred percent successful to all those who tried it. The framework includes to: a. Identify the routine, b. experiment with rewards, c. Isolate the cue and lastly d. Have a plan. The first step is already identified. Thus, we skip to the second step in the framework, to experiment the rewards. Since for perfectionists, what drive them to become one are being acknowledged, respected and trusted by the people around them. According to Duhigg (2012), when we can change our routine and find out things that will still give up the same rewards, this will greatly help us change our habit. Because people do the habit to get these rewards, we must find another way to get the same rewards. In case of perfectionist like me, we can either try to do something against our routine and find out if we still get the same reward or find another way to get the same reward. One of my greatest fear is using the new internet language or the so-called internet slang. I always make it to the point that I write formally as much as having very little abbreviations. They always make fun of me because I am not very knowledgeable with LOL, LMAO, BRB and a lot more. And as much as I wanted to keep myself so formal, I finally found the courage and tried sending out emails and text messages with these languages. Instead of replying "very funny", I sent LOL instead. Because this was a major change for me, I got a lot of "whoa, is that you?", "are you sick?", "you're freaking me out", "finally!! now you're earth speaking" replies from my family and friends. I never thought it would be this funny. I expected them to react badly or tell me to just back off and stay the same. But I was delighted that they appreciated and even got excited that I was trying my best to do things like that. It was not that hard as I thought. Initially, I did not have the guts to try it because I was too afraid they'll be disappointed. Instead, they made me feel like they have waited for a long time to make me appreciate the new ideas that I thought were not going to help me improve. Yes, the effort was not a very big step, but I am very positive that I can try harder the next time. I must say that since perfectionists hate committing a mistake because they are afraid of disappointment, I can try to make a mistake and find out if my peers will be disappointed or not. Since I already identified my habit loop, I can finally move to another level of my shift. The Shift According to Duhigg (2012), habit is a "choice that we deliberately make at some point and then stop thinking about, but continue doing, often every day" and that our brain follows the formula: " when I see a cue, I will do the routine in order to get a reward." Thus, since this is a formula, it follows that any change will break the habit. Things may be rough in the beginning and this would definitely take some time to break off from what I am used to, I am very willing to change this by following what Duhigg suggested. The email and text message reply shift was a success and that proved me that nobody is perfect and making a mistake will not make me less of a person instead, it will make me a human being. I started and conquered my fear, I am now ready to face more shifts in the future such as leaving my organizer and doing some unplanned activities. Things must have to be taken slow and one step at a time. I want to change for a good reason, that is to take stress out of my life and for me to enjoy and appreciate life like others do. What I had began might be a little step, but as they say, "great things start from small beginnings." References: Duhigg, Charles. The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. New York: Random House 2012 "How to Overcome Perfectionism." AnxietyBc. n.d. Web. 05 March 2013 Scott, Elizabeth. "Perfectionist Traits: Do These Sound Familiar?". n. d., Stress Management. about.com. n.d. Web. 05 March 2013 Read More