The Change from a Boy to a Man - Essay Example

From Boy to “Man” Introduction The change from a boy to a man is not a fine line as such. Normally, an event occurs at any time in a boy’s life that acts as that bridge from boyhood to manhood. My bridge was a fishing trip with my father and brothers, and it turned from pure ecstasy to a sudden realization of the actions that a man must live through. Nobody tells you, “hey young boy, welcome to manhood.” My brothers would be the first to say that they saw a change in me since that day. My mother pestered them while asking what had turned a male bonding session into such a moving and life-changing event to me. Obviously, they had no idea, but I think my father knew it. He never said a word and told my mother to let men handle men business. At the time, I was confused and angry with myself, but it soon dawned on me that things, from that time would change. The fishing trip was a jarring moment in my life, but as Elizabeth Bishop claims, “Think of the long trip home. Should we have stayed home and thought of here? Where should we be today?” (Bishop 6). While I wished at the time that I had never taken this trip, I now realize that it was essential to my growing up. Setting and Profile of Self The fishing trip was on a hot humid Saturday morning. My father and brothers had done this numerous times before and were ready with their fishing rods. As the youngest in the family, eleven at the time to be exact, I had only done this thrice with my father. Normally, when I accompanied my brothers, they only let me unhook the fish and pack them. My mother was not very hot on me joining my father and brothers on this trip, though. You see my father was a hard man, a serious man who did not take particularly well to my spending hours around my mother. The fishing trip was his idea, and he gave me no chance to say no, despite having planned for a toad trapping expedition with my friends. In my family, everyone, except my mother was expected to be a man since I had no sister. My mother was the only feminine soul I intimately knew. Being different to my raucous brothers and aloof father, I preferred her company. The trip changed my worldview from that point. The Event Smearing the sun block my mother had lovingly packed besides my snack box, I mentally prepared for what lay ahead. Fishing had never been my forte, and I had always looked admiringly at my brothers as they brought in fish with my mother’s congratulations ringing in my ears. Now, here I stood, ready to clear the hurdle I felt stood between manhood and me. Even at eleven, I felt that my strapping, ragged body was ready for any obstacle that the vast body of water threw my way. I felt apologetic for the fish that had to bear the demonstration of manhood that I was just about to put up. So absorbed in this initiation was I that the journey to my father’s favorite fishing spot was but a fleeting moment. The sudden splutter of the fishing boat’s engine as my eldest brother brought it to a stop brought me back to reality. I fumbled along the floor of the boat for my fishing rod, mistakenly picking my father’s rod. “Son that is for the big fish” he laughed as my brothers joined. I would show them what I was now. As I let out my line into the water and sat back waiting for the unfortunate fish that would define my manhood to attack the bait, I said a Hail Mary, borrowing from my favorite movie, the Godfather. As if she had heard me, then it struck, and I lurched to my feet. Adrenalin flooded my veins as the strength I had believed in so much began to drain against the vicious thrashing of the fish. At the time, I was beginning to contemplate surrender and my claims to manhood; the fish did me a great favor. It leapt from the surface of the water, magnificently gleaming in the sun surrounded by breathtaking surf spray. In this moment, I saw the fish transformed from an unlucky victim of my manhood aspirations to a brilliant life specimen, and I longed to possess it. Maybe it was the boy in me, but the man had to bring in the fish. At the command from my father, I netted the magnificent creature and felt as big as the statue of David, bursting with glee and exhilaration. Aftermath Once I released the fish to the boat’s bottom, my spirits fell with it. I could not hide the horror on my face as the fish thrashed with sickening violence at my feet. My horror deepened as the fish’s magnificence of color and life receded like the tide. Instead of the magnificence, I had so wished to possess, blood sprayed from the fish’s mouth, coating the floor as life drained from the fish. Lying helplessly on the floor with its bloody mouth twitching, it seemed to say, “you are a bloody man now son”. I felt disgusted, sickened, and lost in pity as the magnificent color changed to a sickening and morbid yellow. In that instant, I realized my responsibility in transforming this brilliant creature into a dying and pitiful beast. I longed for dying toads with their ugly skin forbidding eyes. Despite my brothers, slapping my back and cheering me on, I rode back home shrouded in silence. My father never once said a thing, but I knew he was closely watching me and I hoped he was not sneering. I felt like crying as I realized that, had I not slipped my line into the fish’s home, it would still be swimming in all its magnificence and brilliance. In my own pursuit of manhood, I had killed the poor fish. Conclusion Elizabeth Bishop captured my exact thoughts that day when she wrote, “Dreams were the worst. Of course, I dreamed of food and love, but they were pleasant rather than otherwise. But then I'd dream of things like slitting a baby's throat, mistaking it for a baby goat” (Bishop 21). My boyhood dream had always been about proving to my father that I was ready to be a man like my brothers. Fishing was what I thought made them men and, as such, I dreamt of catching large monstrous fish, like Elizabeth Bishop slitting a baby goat’s throat. Alas, I ended up killing a beautiful creature that had taken my breath away, just like the baby in the poem. The incident has played on my conscience ever since. Retrospectively, I feel relieved that my actions took such a turn in my passage from boyhood to “manhood”. It is now impossible for me to dispute the scary potential that we as humans hold to drive other life forms to extinction on earth. In now, find it impossible to disregard my social and moral responsibility in my actions. I can only hope my conscience continues to guide me in whatever I take up in the future. Works Cited Bishop, Elizabeth. Geography III. New York : Farrar, Straus and Giroux , 2010. Print. Read More