Barthes and Kipnis about Love - Essay Example

Barthes vs Kipnis Introduction Love is…One can define love as he wants. It is very important to realize the essence of love. Very often love is correlated with marriage. Coupledom and marriage of the modern times is considered by Robert Barthes in his book “A Lover’s Discourse”. Marriage and love, social and economic relations of the modern people are considered in the book by Laura Kipnis “Against Love”. Both of these authors have a common idea: they underline that spouses are united by their common beliefs, ideas, daily routine and many other factors, which determine their common life. There are different strategies of marriage interpretation in the books of these two authors. Currently, the issues of love discourse have not been properly covered in the sudies of modern scholars. Barthes marked his narration by a vivid tone, lyrical descriptions, and emotional appeal for reader’s feelings. Consequently, his main concepts presented throughout his book, are more emotional than dewless considerations of Kipnis. Barthes and Kipnis about love A lover’s Discourse by Roland Barthes is focused on different aspects of communication between two beloved people. He discusses different lingual peculiarities of communication between two beloved individuals. For example, he says: “As a jealous man, I suffer four times over: because I am jealous, because I blame myself for being so, because I fear that my jealousy will wound the other, because I allow myself to be subject to a banality: I suffer from being excluded, from being aggressive, from being crazy, and from being common” (Barthes). To be the one who waits, or to be in love means a lot for people. During all our lives we are striving for a feeling of love and it is very difficult for us to realize that our beloved persons do not understand us etc. These things are challenging and we come across these difficulties every day, but we do not pay a proper attention to these considerations. There are many mishaps between beloved ones, but their commonality and ability to find a common decision cannot be underestimated for sure. Barthes devoted himself to explorations in the fields of sociology and lexicology. This unique writing opens our eyes on peculiarities and specific features of our daily communication with our beloved people. The basic feature of a beloved person, as it is outlined by Barthes, is ability and a strong desire to wait: “Am I in love? --yes, since I am waiting. … Whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The lover's fatal identity is precisely this: I am the one who waits” (Barthes). At this point it is very easy to restore in our memories the way we want to suffer and to wait for our beloved; to live their lives etc. Barthes is marked by his romantic considerations and his lyrical narration.   When we read the book by Barthes, we are enchanted by gentle and sympathetic expressions. A soft tone of his book entertains the readers and they are impressed by a direct nature of the writer’s narration. Though relationship between two beloved people is often imperfect, they are attracted to each other and it is very important for them to find a mutual understanding. Barthes often talks about irrationality of lover’s behavior. Constant controversies and arguing between two beloved persons cannot be denied. He claims: "I encounter millions of bodies in my life; of these millions, I may desire some hundreds; but of these hundreds, I love only one. The other with whom I am in love designates for me the specialty of my desire” (Barthes, p. 19). Love objects may suffer from inconsistencies with their partners or beloved people. They find it very difficult to find a common understanding. The author does not implement social, economic or any other external factors. Beloved persons are focused on their own feelings, as Barthes claims. Unlike Barthes, Kipnis’s book “Against Love” is written from a different perspective. The author talks about contradictions between two beloved persons, who cannot find anything in common and the universal concept about love is often compared with an ordinary work and a daily routine. Wives and husbands in the modern marriages are “choke-chained to the status-quo machinery” (Kipnis, p. 19). Kipnis claims that there is a subconscious desire of individuals to be guilty and we are “social creatures to a fault” (Kipnis, p. 24), and she says that love refers to a social construction, which is focused on “cultural uniformity” (Kipnis, p. 25). Adultery for Kipnis is a convenient way of searching for one’s half. When people match, they are free of “insomnia, migraines, cold sore, digestive ailments, heart palpitations, and sexual difficulty” (Kipnis, p. 48). Therefore, physical peculiarities of our bodies cannot be considered separately from emotional or mental affection. The second chapter of the book “Domestic Gulags” impresses the readers by its negative criticism of people’s interpretation of traditional love stories. The spouses make their lives complicated, because they follow invented patterns of behavior and it is very difficult for them to follow their mutual love and understanding and not to follow their social duties. What happens after marriage? No one knows the exact answer. People are enchanted by uncertainty; they are striving for finding a common sense in their common life. There are more practical considerations in the book by Kipnis, because she is focused on daily lives of the modern couples. Social bounds are stronger than bounds of affection or love. People live together, if they can coexist together happily. The concept of marriage exceeds the limits of a traditional understanding of marriage. A century ago this concept concerned two beloved individuals, who love each other and want to be together. In the political context of the modern world, economic situations and social roles of the contemporaries exert a serious influence on married couples (Kipnis, 2006). Kipnis claims that marriage is the “basic repression is necessary for any civilization to survive” (Kipnis, p. 29). Being equally in their financial conditions, both men and women want to have a different type of relations. Marriage is currently implemented to "maximize submission and minimize freedom" (Kipnis 2006, p. 53). Love for Kipnis “is the nearest most of us come to glimpsing utopia in our lifetimes” (Kipnis, 2006). In the modern world marriage unites spouses. The modern people want to be closer to each other, but very often they do not want to sacrifice their freedom and independence in the name of happiness of their marriages or families. Conclusion Both authors refer their ideas to teachings of Freud. Barthes claims: everything starts with a question: “Why don't you love me?" which soon becomes "Why do you love me only a little?" It is evident that it is impossible to answer to this question. Every individual always believes that he is loved, but very often he can hallucinate that he is loved. Our conscious gives answers to the basic questions. Kipnis and Barthes provide different visions about love. If one listens to his inner voice and to the beating of his heart he will be able to give the answer to the most crucial question in our lives: what is love, actually… Works cited Barhtes, R. A Lover’s Discourse. Kipnis, Laura. "Something's Missing." Women's Studies Quarterly 34.3/4 (2006): 22+.Questia. Web. 12 Sept. 2012. Read More