Effective Perenting: Love and Logic is the Key - Essay Example

13 April Effective Parenting: Love and Logic is the Key “Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare”. Children are a wonderful thing to most parents, but some days they are impossible, unbearable and illogical. What does one do on days like this? Hold on for dear life and ride the tornado until it is finished. Giving in to frustration, anxiety and anger is ill advised, as this results in parents who are ineffective, and do little to help their children. There are no particular restrictions on who can become a parent and who cannot.

Therefore, parents and future parents be warned! Parenting is not an easy road, and the decisions are often difficult, and counterintuitive. Parenting styles is an important aspect of this; good parents are firm but not cruel, kind but not pushovers. The hovering or helicopter style of parenting is becoming increasingly prevalent, and has many negative consequences for the child. Parents who operate in this manner have the desire to be constantly near their child. When this is not possible, these parents want to know everything about what the child is doing and who they are interacting with.

Such parents are highly overprotective, and they often feel like all aspects of the world are too dangerous for their child. This can result in behaviors that are appear invasive and unnecessary for the child, and often lead to the son or daughter harboring resentment against their parent. Jane’s mother Helen is a hovering parent. She wants to know where her daughter is going, what she is doing, and who is involved. Every time Jane is out she must call her mother once every two hours to tell her that she is safe.

She must also tell her mother who she is with and when she will be home. Jane also has a strict curfew, and must return home before eight o’clock on school nights and ten o’clock on weekends. At 18 years old, Jane is sick of being pressured, and has begun to experiment with drugs and unsafe sexual relationships. Be careful! Over protection often has the opposite effect. A style of parenting that is much more effective is the consultant or demographic parent. In this form of parenting, the mother and the father interacts with the child using a combination of love and logic.

In this relationship, the child is able to explain their actions, to discuss rules and punishments. It does not mean that the parent ‘spoils’ their children or lets them get away with anything, the relationship is simply one of mutual respect and understanding. One such relationship is Charles and his daughter Jeena. Like Jane, Jeena is also 18, and she has a strict curfew on school nights. One such night she came in from a date an hour late and explained to her father that there had been an accident on her way home and that had resulted in a traffic jam.

After hearing here explanation, Charles decided to suspend punishment until he knew more. Once he heard about the accident on the news, he thanked his daughter for being honest with him and asked her if her date went well. This form of parenting supports the child, and results in them becoming strongly self-confident, while retaining a strong respect for their parent. Consequently, Jenna does not use any drugs, despite being offered some by friends, as she knows that her father would disapprove and she does not want to disappoint him.

She is her father’s daughter, and proud of it. Another ineffective style of parenting is the drill sergeant or autocratic parent. Here, the primary goal of the parent is not justice or helping their children, but it is simply to maintain quiet. Here, the parent does not listen to the needs or desires of their children, but instead makes decisions based on what they perceive to be correct, or decisions that would achieve the desired outcome. Consequently, the family environment can often resemble that of a boot camp, and anything that parent says has to be obeyed immediately and without question.

Lilly is a mother who uses this form of parenting for her children Shaun and Nancy. Neither of the children are allowed to date, except on very rare occasions, although they are 16 and 18 respectively. If Nancy was able to go on a date and was stuck in a traffic jam resulting in her returning late, she would immediately be grounded with her allowance suspended, even if Lilly later found evidence that the traffic jam had occurred. Shaun and Nancy do as they are told, if they are likely to get caught.

They know their mother will not have control forever, once they are on their own, watch out world! Giving repressed children sudden freedom can only end badly. These three forms of parenting show significant differences in the way that parents can approach their children, each of which affects the child in different ways. It is only the loving and logical approach that Charles takes, that supports his child, and Jenna will grow up well because of it. These examples are only a few out of many different styles of parenting.

It is important that parents learn what is effective for them and their family. However, as this discussion shows, for children to learn and grow, it is important that they have support from their parents and that they feel they are respected.