Ricardo Braveheart: Fearless - Essay Example

25 September FIRST DRAFT Ricardo Braveheart: Fearless. Sharp. Hopeful. On September 11, 2001, fifteen-year-old Ricardo Braveheart was busy picking apples at Heaven’s Apples Orchard. When he saw his best friend Elderbert Einstein running toward him and shouting, “Some crazies blew up the World Trade Center with an airplane!” Ricky thought that this was just another one of those Einstein literati-wannabee moments. Up in the apple’s branches, he looked down at his rounded friend, catching up with his wheezed breathing. “Ricky, I ain’t pulling your leg. You gotta see the news!” Eldy’s eyes were damp and red-veined behind his black-rimmed eyeglasses. What Ricky remembered afterward made the hair at the back of his neck prickle: His favorite uncle and Eldy’s father worked at a shop near the WTC. As Eldy’s lips trembled, Ricky hurriedly went down the ladder and almost fell down on his friend. Ricardo Braveheart is a fearless teenager, who has a booming voice, apple-smelling, rough hands, and scrawny, lanky figure, and he grew up working part-time for a struggling apple orchard, and after 9/11, he decided to join the army to fight real battles against terrorists. Ricky had a strong and courageous last name, Braveheart, but he did not look the part at all. He was gangly and tall for his age. Bony parts of him seem to stick out at the wrong corners of his body. His face did not look gaunt though and it seems out of place with his body. He had a good lump of black, wavy hair that always looked disarray, making one think of Harry Potter without the lightning scar on his forehead. He was quite brownish from working in the orchard, but still managed to look pale and sickly. He had thin pencil lips that were shut tight as if he was constantly struggling to keep his teeth from showing. His patrician nose was quite noticeable, while his large, almond, hazelnut eyes were not “attractive” in his society, where girls swoon over bluish eyes. Ricky’s voice tried to make up for his weakling body. It was loud and crispy clear, whenever it did escape his lips. When he spoke, people looked beyond him, as if they could not recognize that the voice came from this scrawny teenage boy who sat at the farthest row in class. One time, a classmate took a pen from his hand and got surprised with its extraordinary roughness. She said: “Ricky, you use your hands to clean walls?” Ricky answered: “No, to pick apples and hurl apple trees at stupid girls.” Ricky had a six-year old sister whom he loved more than himself. He enjoyed surprising her and putting his hands around her eyes. She would tell him: “Your hands smell like apples. And who else but Ricky has hands that smell like apples?” And Ricky would smile, his lips reaching his ears. He smiled rarely too, especially in public, even when in reality, he got a perfect set of white teeth. Ricky lived in a small town called Chuckwood Hills, which made life conditions more challenging, though he had a happy family life. Chuckwood Hills was cold at night but sweltering during day time. It has cemented national roads, but many smaller roads remained un-cemented and dusty, and sometimes, with rain, turned all muddy and messy. Ricky came from a poor working-lass family. His father, Luisito, has been working as an apple picker for five years, since his small pharmacy business that he inherited from his father folded up. It is not surprising that this business went bankrupt, because Luis did not even finish high school and married young, or rather married young because he got Ricky’s mother, Andrea, pregnant at the age of fifteen. Andrea, unfortunately, has a heart disease and her giving birth to a second child almost killed her. She had a small vegetable farm she tended at home. She was soft-spoken and looked like a fairy with her blonde hair and waifish figure. She used to dance a lot, but her doctor advised against it. She also loved reading. Luis was the extrovert one. Once a football player, he loved to brag about his games and his girl, the lovely Andrea or Andy. Now, he acted the disappointed, promising athlete, who got his college chances shot when he got Andy pregnant, and which, as a result, gave his father a heart attack and culminated to his untimely demise. Luis actually came from a middle-class status family, but all that changed when his father died. They had no other relatives in the area and no one helped him. Andy’s family, on the contrary, was poor. Still, they actually had a happy family. The primary source of income of working-class people in Chuckwood Hills was working for the large, but barely profitable Heaven’s Apples Orchard. The mayor owned the orchard, but since he was a gambler and womanizer, he was not a good business manager at all. Some of the workers joked about shooting him down, because this might result to a better management in the future and they would no longer have to feel insecure about their jobs. But one of them pointed out that there was no worthy heir. Most likely, his legitimate and illegitimate children would sell the orchard and they might all lose their jobs. They decided to keep the mayor alive as the lesser evil. Ricky inherited his mother’s introvert, sensible, and book-loving genes, as well as his father’s fearlessness. As for his physical figure, he got his mother’s DNA too, but not in the attractive sense. If there was something he inherited from his father, it was fearlessness. Maybe their surname has something to do it. It would be weird to have “Braveheart” as a last name and be wimpy. Ricky does have a brave heart too, though he is less risk-loving than his father was, when he was his age. Ricky showed his fearlessness when he jumped over a cliff to dive down the ocean. He got $50 for this dare. He also bravely fought with five larger-muscled boys who bullied Eldy and put him in a garbage can. Well, they beat Ricky up too, but at least he punched back quite hard and put some black eyes on those boys. Ricky was never stupid-fearless, as least he thought so. He would not punch anyone for the sake of proving that he was the bigger one. He also would never get someone pregnant when condoms were cheap. He thought: I am fearless but not ignorant like my father. He felt that Luis always wanted to prove something, like he was stronger or better, but this frequently got him into trouble. Ricky would look at his large head and think he had more brains than that. He would go to college and be part of the military. It was only due to 9/11 that he felt resolved to be a soldier. He said he wanted to be an officer, so that he could handle greater responsibilities. He thought about master war plans, which transected social, military, economic, and political dimension. Before that catastrophic event that influenced his career decision, he actually wanted to be a psychologist. Ricky believed that he was quite good at assessing people and he felt he was credible when dispensing advices and opinions. He knew he would not be able to afford college, but he felt he could work his way up. He could save money then study and when resources were depleted, he would stop studying and work again. Ricky had good grades, but felt they were not high enough to get a good college scholarship. Sometimes, he had to be absent to work or to do some chores, which affected his grades. His teachers liked him though, because he answered sensibly and did his homework and seatwork well. But “like” was not enough to be in top ten of the class. Ricky was top 12 and it was never enough for him. He was determined to be fearless in life; however, by showing his town that he could be who he wanted to be. Ricky Braveheart had the attitude and personality that fit his last name- he was fearless, but not arrogant or dim-witted. His booming voice and apple-smelling, coarse hands compensated for his weak-looking scrawny, long-limbed figure. He grew up working part-time for a financially-fraught apple orchard, and after 9/11, he decided to join the army to wrestle real battles against terrorists. He had an overarching game plan for his career battles and his life. Ten years after, he graduated from WestPoint. He lost his scrawny figure and developed the brain and heart muscles that helped him achieve his goals as a soldier and a human being. Ricky had a brave heart, and more than that, he had a good heart. It was the heart that blessed him with good friends and happy family. 1. Drafting - Organization Sheet Broad Subject: The subject is to write about a phonebook character that I find interesting. 2. Drafting - Organization Sheet Limited Topic for Thesis Statement: Ricardo Braveheart is a fearless teenager, who has a booming voice, apple-smelling, rough hands, and scrawny, lanky figure, and he grew up working part-time for a struggling apple orchard, and after 9/11, he decided to join the army to fight real battles against terrorists. 3. Drafting - Organization Sheet Main Idea about This Topic: My main idea is that Ricardo Braveheart is a good person. He is fearless, but not overconfident. He will do his family and nation a great honor by being a military official. 4. Drafting - Organization Sheet Three-Step Format For Thesis Statement: Specific Support for Paragraph #2: Ricky had a strong and courageous last name, Braveheart, but he did not look the part at all, because he was too thin, though he had a strong, crisp, memorable voice. Specific Support for Paragraph #3: Ricky lived in a small town called Chuckwood Hills, which made life conditions more challenging, though he had a happy family life. Specific Support for Paragraph #4: Ricky inherited his mother’s introvert, sensible, and book-loving genes, as well as his father’s fearlessness. 5. Drafting - Organization Sheet Thesis Statement with Three-Step Format: Ricardo Braveheart is a fearless teenager, who has a booming voice, apple-smelling, rough hands, and scrawny, lanky figure, and he grew up working part-time for a struggling apple orchard that built his fearless and determined personality in life, and after 9/11, he decided to join the army to fight real battles against terrorists. 6. Drafting - Organization Sheet Paragraph #1 On September 11, 2001, fifteen-year-old Ricardo Braveheart was busy picking apples at Heaven’s Apples Orchard. 7. Drafting - Organization Sheet The last sentence of the first paragraph: Ricardo Braveheart is a fearless teenager, who has a booming voice, apple-smelling, rough hands, and scrawny, lanky figure, and he grew up working part-time for a struggling apple orchard, and after 9/11, he decided to join the army to fight real battles against terrorists. 8. Drafting - Organization Sheet Paragraph #2 (first point of your thesis) Ricky had a strong and courageous last name, Braveheart, but he did not look the part at all. 9. Drafting - Organization Sheet Paragraph #3 (second point of your thesis) Ricky lived in a small town called Chuckwood Hills, which made life conditions more challenging, though he had a happy family life. 10. Drafting - Organization Sheet Paragraph #4 (third point of your thesis) Ricky inherited his mother’s introvert, sensible, and book-loving genes, as well as his father’s fearlessness. 11. Drafting - Organization Sheet Paragraph #5 (Conclusion) Ricky Braveheart had the attitude and personality that fit his last name- he was fearless, but not arrogant or dim-witted. 12. Drafting - Organization Sheet The last sentence. (End with a clincher.) It was the heart that blessed him with good friends and happy family. 13. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #1: Introduction Explain why this paragraph gets your attention. OR Explain why this paragraph fails to get your attention. This paragraph does not get my attention, because it lacks an interesting hook. 14. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #1 Explain why the thesis statement contains a three-step format. OR Explain why the thesis statement does not contain a three-step format. The thesis statement lacks the three-step format, because it needed to integrate my three points more flawlessly. 15. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #2 Explain how the first point is developed in this paragraph. The first point is developed by expounding on the physical characteristics of Ricky. I tried to use the senses when describing his physical characteristics. 16. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #2 What is good about this paragraph? This is a good paragraph, because I used the senses to describe Richard and I used images to depict his physical looks and their impact on people. 17. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #2 How could this paragraph be improved? I could improve this paragraph by using more active verbs and better transition sentences. 18. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #3 Explain how the second point is developed in this paragraph. The second point is developed through explaining, by illustration, how the environment could have shaped Ricky’s personality and goals. 19. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #3 What is good about this paragraph? This is a good paragraph, because I described the physical environment and family settings. I even brushed on the political and economic conditions of the community. 20. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #3 How could this paragraph be improved? This paragraph can be improved by using more images and symbolism. 21. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #4 Explain how the third point is developed in this paragraph. The third point is developed through examples and personality explanations. 22. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #4 What is good about this paragraph? This paragraph provides information on who Ricky emulates and what he inherited and learned from his parents. 23. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #4 How could this paragraph be improved? This can be improved by making the examples and images more fascinating. 24. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #5: Conclusion Explain why the first sentence restates the thesis for this essay. OR Explain why the first sentence fails to restate the thesis for this essay. This sentence does not restate the thesis because it concentrates on the physical aspect of Ricky only. 25. Essay Revision Sheet Paragraph #5: Conclusion Explain why the concluding sentence is a suitable clincher. OR Explain how the clincher could be made stronger. I could make the clincher stronger by finding a more suitable ending for the perfect brave heart character. 26. Essay Revision Sheet Does your essay contain appropriate transitions to help your reader understand your essay? Explain how the transitions help to connect the ideas and clarify the essay. I believe I used ample transitions to help readers understand my essay, though I have to improve them too. Transitions help to connect the ideas and clarify the essay, because they act as guide posts to my next ideas and points. 27. Essay Revision Sheet What is your point of view? Can you make your point of view more consistent? My point of view is that of a narrator, but sometimes from Ricky’s view point too. I can make my view more consistent by just using Ricky’s view point. 28. Write your FINAL ESSAY. This is worth 100 Points. FINAL ESSAY Ricardo Braveheart: Fearless. Sharp. Hopeful. On September 11, 2001, fifteen-year-old Ricardo Braveheart was busy picking apples at Heaven’s Apples Orchard, When he saw his best friend Elderbert Einstein running toward him and shouting, “Some crazies blew up the World Trade Center with an airplane!” Ricky thought that this was just another one of those Einstein literati-wannabee moments. Up in the apple’s branches, he looked down at his rounded friend, catching up with his wheezed breathing. “Ricky, I ain’t pulling your leg. You gotta see the news!” Eldy’s eyes were damp and red-veined behind his thick-black-rimmed eyeglasses. What Ricky remembered afterward made the hair at the back of his neck prickle: His favorite uncle and Eldy’s father worked at a tailor shop near the WTC. As Eldy’s lips trembled, Ricky hurriedly went down the ladder and almost fell down on his grieving friend. Ricardo Braveheart is a fearless teenager, whose scrawny, lanky figure made him look less courageous, if not for his self-assured voice; he grew up working part-time for a struggling apple orchard in a small-town community, while surrounded by the love of his family; and he developed a determined and fearless personality that helped him win real-life battles. Ricky had a strong and courageous last name, Braveheart, but he did not look the part at all, because of his bony figure, though his crystal and confident voice compensated for his lack of athletic appeal. He was gangly and tall for his age. Scrawny parts of him seemed to stick out at the wrong corners of his body. His face did not look gaunt though and it seems out of place with his body. A good lump of black, wavy hair sat on his head, which perpetually looked disarrayed, making one think of Harry Potter without the lightning scar. Working in the orchard tanned Ricky, but he still managed to appear pale and weak. He had thin pencil lips that were shut tight as if he was constantly struggling to keep his teeth from showing. His patrician nose was quite noticeable, while his large, almond, hazelnut eyes were not “attractive” in his society, where girls swoon over bluish eyes. Ricky’s voice tried to make up for his weakling body. It was loud and crispy clear, whenever it did escape his lips. When he spoke, people looked beyond him, as if they could not recognize that the voice came from this skeletal teenage boy who sat at the farthest row in class. One time, a classmate took a pen from his hand and got surprised with its extraordinary roughness. She said: “Ricky, you use your hands to clean walls?” Ricky answered: “No, to pick apples and hurl apple trees at stupid girls.” Ricky had a six-year old sister whom he loved more than himself. He enjoyed surprising her and putting his hands around her eyes. She would tell him: “Your hands smell like apples. And who else but Ricky has hands that smell like apples?” Ricky would smile, his lips reaching his ears. He smiled rarely too, especially in public, even when in reality, he got a perfect set of white teeth. If the whiteness of his teeth represented strength, Ricky would have been a famous wrestler by now. Ricky lived in a small town called Chuckwood Hills, which made life conditions more challenging, though he enjoyed a happy family life. Chuckwood Hills breezed with cold at night but sweltered during day time. It has cemented national roads, but many smaller roads remained un-cemented and dusty, and sometimes, with rain, turned all muddy and messy. Ricky came from a poor working-lass family. His father, Luisito, had been working as an apple picker for five years, since his small pharmacy business that he inherited from his father folded up. It was not surprising that this business went bankrupt, because Luis did not even finish high school and married young, or rather married young because he got Ricky’s mother, Andrea, pregnant at the age of fifteen. Andrea, unfortunately, had a heart disease and her giving birth to a second child almost killed her. She had a small vegetable farm she tended at home. She was soft-spoken and looked like a fairy with her blonde hair and waifish figure. She used to dance during school events, but her doctor advised against it. She also loved reading and poured her free time on reading different novels that Ricky brought home to her. Luis was the true extrovert example. Once a football player, he loved to boast about his games and his girl, the lovely Andrea or Andy. He made friends easily and enjoyed parties. Now, he acted as the disappointed, once-promising athlete, who got his college chances shot when he got Andy pregnant, and which, as a result, gave his father a heart attack and culminated to his untimely demise. Luis actually came from a middle-class status family, but all that changed when his father died. They had no other relatives in the area and no one helped him manage the business. Andy’s family, on the contrary, was poor. Still, Luis and Andy nurtured a happy family, where constant bantering filled the air. The primary source of income of working-class people in Chuckwood Hills came from working for the large, but barely profitable Heaven’s Apples Orchard. The mayor owned the orchard, but since he was a gambler and womanizer, he was not a good business manager at all. Some of the workers joked about shooting him down, because this might result to a better management in the future and they would no longer have to feel insecure about their jobs. But one of them pointed out the glaring absence of a worthy heir. Most likely, his legitimate and illegitimate children would sell the orchard and they might all lose their jobs, if the new owner decided to pursue a different business. They decided to keep the mayor alive as the lesser evil. Chuckwood Hills chucked on with a monotonous sound, not developing, but not necessarily going under too. Ricky inherited his mother’s introvert, sensible, and book-loving genes, as well as his father’s fearlessness, which helped me develop both a good and brave heart. As for his physical figure, he got his mother’s DNA too, but not in the “attractive” sense. If there was something he inherited from his father, it was fearlessness. Maybe their surname has something to do it. It would be strange to have “Braveheart” as a last name and be wimpy. Ricky does have a brave heart too, though he is less risk-loving than his father was, when he was his age. Ricky showed his fearlessness when he jumped over a cliff to dive down the ocean. He got $50 for this dare. He also bravely fought with five larger-muscled boys who bullied Eldy and put him in a garbage can. Well, they beat Ricky up too, but at least he punched back quite hard and put some black eyes on those boys. Ricky was never stupid-fearless, as least he thought so. He also would never get someone pregnant when condoms were cheap. He thought: I am fearless but not ignorant like my father. He felt that Luis always wanted to prove something, like he was stronger or better, but this frequently got him into trouble. Ricky would look at his large head and think he had more brains than that. He would go to college and be part of the military. It was only due to 9/11 that he felt resolved to be a soldier. He said he wanted to be an officer, so that he could handle greater responsibilities. He thought about master war plans, which transected social, military, economic, and political dimensions. Before that catastrophic event that influenced his career decision, he actually wanted to be a psychologist. Ricky believed that he was quite good at assessing people and he felt he was credible when dispensing advices and opinions. He knew he would not be able to afford college, but he felt he could work his way up. Ricky had good grades, but felt they were not high enough to get a good college scholarship. Sometimes, he had to be absent to work or to do some chores, which affected his grades. His teachers liked him though, because he answered sensibly and did his homework and seatwork well. But “like” was not enough to be in top ten of the class. Ricky was top 12 and it was never enough for him. He was determined to be fearless in life; however, by showing his town that he could be who he wanted to be. Ricky Braveheart had the attitude and personality that fit his last name- he was fearless, but not arrogant or dim-witted, and though life was hard in his town, he worked his way to college with the support of his family and his determined attitude to weather all storms. His booming voice and apple-smelling, coarse hands compensated for his weak-looking scrawny, long-limbed figure. He grew up working part-time for a financially-fraught apple orchard, and after 9/11, he decided to join the army to wrestle real battles against terrorists. He had an overarching game plan for his career battles and his life. Ten years after, he graduated from WestPoint. He lost his scrawny figure and developed the brain and heart muscles that helped him achieve his goals as a soldier and a human being. Ricky had a brave heart, and more than that, he developed a good heart, a heart that blessed him with good friends and a happy family. Read More