The Provision of a Very Concise Summary - Assignment Example

The Provision of a Very Concise Summary In order to improve upon my first attempt at this assignment, I began by carefully looking over the original document, and considering all of the requirements listed in the marking scheme, and the comments made by both examiners about where my work was in significant need of improvement. The failed document was, in many places, rushed and ill-considered, as was demonstrated by some simple grammatical errors, while some sections, such as the abstract, did not fulfil the criteria set out in the instructions provided by the examiners. I identified some other issues with the document as a whole, including inconsistent and sometimes incorrect referencing styles, and a lack of source material, with some facts and suppositions not being appropriately supported by evidence. I have imposed a greater consistency on referencing throughout the document, and have also ensured that no points are made which are based merely on personal opinion, but that only those which can be supported by external source material have been included. I had confused some terms in places, with entirely incorrect and misleading words, such as ‘novels’, in evidence in several places. I have also cleared up the previous confusion regarding what constitutes a ‘renewable’ energy source, and have clearly distinguished nuclear energy from renewable sources. I also recognised, in reading over some sections, that the language and wording could be significantly improved in order to produce text which reads more clearly. As I worked my way through the draft, I sought to redress these issues, in order to be sure of securing a pass on my second attempt. I consider that the document has been improved by the application of greater source material, and benefits from my improved knowledge, given the background reading I have been able to undertake in the interim period. Overall, this second draft represents a more thoughtful and considered approach to the subject, and has benefited from a much greater input in terms of time and energy. I have set out below why and how improvements have been made to each section of this document: Title The title of the document was incorrect, and so the word ‘Environment’ has now been replaced by ‘Civilisation’. Previously, the incorrect title made an extremely poor impression before the reading of the main text had even begun. Abstract I have completely rewritten the abstract. Many of the same themes remain, but I have borne in mind the main function of this section – the provision of a very concise summary of the entire text and its findings. I consider that through the more careful use of language, and the more logical organisation of my thoughts, this section has been sharpened up. Introduction The introduction, likewise, has been entirely rewritten, with the points made far less ambiguous. The new introduction also benefits from my wider reading, with several new references included. Overall, this passage is now more coherent, and provides, in concise form, a survey of the general background – intellectual, political, economic and social – against which my investigation has been carried out. In terms of language, the vocabulary used here is more appropriate than previously, while the improved sentence structure means that this section flows better. Aims and Objectives Previously, the aims and objectives were rather vague, and the first aim in particular was ambiguous. After careful editing, the aims and objectives, helpfully enumerated, have been clarified, while some additional information regarding the more general purpose of the project is also provided. Methodology In my original attempt, there were several paragraphs in this section which did nothing to describe and justify the methodology which I had chosen and applied in the execution of this project. These included a section which listed various types of primary and secondary sources, but played no role in moving along the discussion of methodology in relation to this specific assignment. These have been removed, and the remaining material has been reorganised and heavily edited. With the unnecessary material removed, this section reads better, and in language which is much more easily understood. Results A key problem with the results section in the original document was that many of the references listed for the graphs and charts used were incorrect, and when entered into a URL bar, failed to bring up the diagram or chart which appeared on the page. Some of this was due to alterations on the websites in question, but in other places it was due to incorrect referencing on my part. These errors have now been rectified. In addition, and as with the document as a whole, the text in this section has been edited, and in places, completed rewritten. I have also included some new data, from a couple of sources not cited in my previous draft. I consider that the presentation of results now benefits from clearer language and more abundant statistical material. Discussion Once again, unnecessary or unsupported points have been either removed, or edited and provided wit references, so that this section now conforms to the more rigorous academic approach I have adopted in redrafting this report generally. Obvious spelling and grammatical errors have been rectified, and more fundamental issues, with regard to the ambiguity of the language used, and the obscurity of some of the points made, have been improved, through the application of a clearer and more sensible style. Conclusion Unlike in the initial document, the main points in my conclusion are now entirely clear, so that it the reader is easily able to comprehend my ideas and attitudes towards the central issues of this topic. These conclusions have also been linked back to the initial aims and objectives, in order to assess how far the results and discussion produced have been successful in responding to the questions raised at the outset. References Several new items have been added to the bibliography, and some mistakes which were noted in previous references have been corrected. For example, I had failed to list the publishers of several books, but have now done so. Read More