Do Parental Expectations Determine the Extent of Children Success - Essay Example

Parental Expectations Expectations, we deal with them every day, in every walk of life; the expectation of our peers, our subordinates, our bosses, our mentors, our families and most of all our parents. Sometimes, expectations take us to levels of hard work and dedication we never knew were achievable; other times, they become and an unmentionable burden. Our star bucks coffee has to be just black enough, our food just warm enough, our heels just high enough, our efforts just scarce enough, and when it’s not, we do something about it. There are two sides to every coin; likewise, as parental expectations play an essentially vital role in the performance of a child, ridiculously high expectations can result in their failure while low expectations can lead to under confidence. Maintaining too high expectations can also result in social anxiety, stress, depression and many other forms of mental illnesses. Every child has a different learning pace; it could be fast for some while it comes slower to others. Some children may be self sufficient while others could need help guidance and tutoring. It is an accepted fact that every child has a unique learning pace which can be molded and improved with encouragement. This suggests that the same amount expectations cannot be held with every child. That said, parental involvement does make for overall better performance in children than in the case of those whose parents are less involved. Although there are many sides to parenting, studies show that the greatest influence is cast by a single aspect, parental expectations, according to the Harvard Family Research Project (Harvard 2014). In order to provide a child with a healthy home environment, it is essential to love him unconditionally, irrespective of whether or not he is the brightest of the lot. Now the thing that gets in the way of this unconditional love is our sky high expectations (Hudson 2014). An explanation for why parental expectations are so affective on children is that they see themselves, for most of their childhood and even beyond, through their parents’ eyes. Consequently, if a parent believes his child can be a top-dog, that’s what his child will perceive himself to be. On the other hand, if a child has been exposed to derogatory aura at home, he is most likely to accept failure without really trying at all. Similarly, having far greater expectations from your child than his obvious abilities is like expecting a chicken to swim or a cat to fly. The key here is for parents to analyze the situation their child is in before deciding their expectations. In a lot of cases it is evident that parents may have unfulfilled dreams of their own, which they tend to, consciously or unconsciously, impose on their children. For opposite cases, unusually high expectations may be a result of the parents themselves being overachievers, which means nothing is enough for them. Differential analysis may concur that the levels of expectations a child faces at home can be greatly influenced by religious norms or the society. In different cultures there are different beliefs; a boy is supposed to do so and so, a girl is supposed to do so and so, in case of any shortcomings, society will always be the first to highlight and magnify the situation. Boys are to be tough, girls are to be fragile, boys are to be the providers, girls are to be the ones at home, boys are to be the decision maker, girls are to obey, parents are to be the decision makers, and children are to say yes sir (Hudson 2014). Parents, under this pressure, are sometimes inclined to ensure that their child does not face failure in order to protect him from the vicious society. In doing so, they may often forget that it is their own love, nurturing and confidence that the child really requires, and not the societies’. There are two very similar but very different terms, expectations and aspirations. The difference between these two terms is what could be the possible solution of the problem at hand. Expectation is when you believe that something is going to happen, it’s an assumption. Aspiration is when you ‘hope’ to achieve something, a desire. It is to the level of being an aspiration that an expectation can be motivational, when this expectation starts becoming presumptuous, dead wait, it is to be discarded. A way to solve this dilemma is for parents to establish two way communications with their child. There are a few questions that need be answered: What does my child want? What is my child capable of? How can I help my child achieve his fullest? No contradictions, once these questions have been answered, every child needs guidelines as to what exactly is the way to go about his dream. He also needs to be told the full extent of what he is capable of, as most children self depreciate. Having said that, the way a child perceives his parents’ points of view also greatly determines the extent of his success. Knowing and believing that a parent is always inclined to your best interest is something that invokes a positive attitude even when posed with high expectation. It is believed that if you go into battle with the attitude that you’re going to lose, that every odd is against you, you will lose even with the greater odds. Likewise, if you have a winner’s attitude with a side of lower odds, you might just end up being victorious. The case is very much similar when it comes to the relationship between a parent and a child. In some cases, mostly in teenage, it feels like whatever your parent is saying, they are against you. They are the enemy. Here, even positive and encouraging expectations may seem like a dead weighing burden. In every case, the way to go about the scenario is based on a two steps: Establish two way communications and keep positive perspectives. References: Project, Harvard. "Parental Involvement and Student Achievement: A Meta-Analysis / Browse Our Publications / Publications & Resources / HFRP - Harvard Family Research Project." Hfrp.org, 2014. Web. 12 Apr 2014. . Unknown. "Expectations." Familyservices.bc.ca, 2014. Web. 12 Apr 2014. . Unknown. "What Effects Do Parental Expectations Have on Kids?." Everyday Life - Global Post, 2014. Web. 12 Apr 2014. . Read More