The Necessity for Empathy in Intercultural Communication - Essay Example

(ESSAY 2) Don’t Sympathy, Empathize! The Necessity for Empathy in Intercultural Communication

Throughout our lives, we are constantly told to treat others like we would like to be treated. This supposition brings with it the belief in an essential and universal human existence, which strives to stress the similarities while hiding the differences. Yet, in “Overcoming the Golden Rule,” author Milton Bennett poses the shocking argument that the golden rule is, in fact, part of a larger scheme to homogenize all peoples so that we all fit nicely into one condescending category. Although the feeling of inclusion lurks on the surface of this principle, to Bennet, the reality is that “the golden rule is a poor guide for effective communication. Assuming that others are like ourselves when we talk to them is tantamount to talking to ourselves” but, in a society that espouses the importance of intercultural communication as the foundation for cultural sensitive and acceptance, talking to oneself embeds us further into an us versus them binary (192). This way of thinking, referred to by Bennett as a single reality, is focused on employing sympathy when interacting with a person who comes from a different position or perspective than our own; but sympathy in itself is a projection of our own values and assumptions on to the situation, rather than a genuine attempt to understand the other person (or the other person’s understanding of the situation) from their perspective. In this regard, Bennett states that, although giving sympathy may seem altruistic, it brings with it an ethnocentrism that is reminiscent of the imperialists from the 17th and 18th centuries. Therefore, for authentic intercultural communication to occur, both parties must employ empathy that highlights and celebrates the importance of difference.

Utilizing sympathy in interactions nurtures ethnocentrism, which is the “tendency to see our own culture as the center of the universe – that is, as the true reality;” however, the consequence of “using our own group and our own customs as the standard for all judgments” is that the other culture’s values, beliefs, and actions are seen through the lens of our own culture (Bennett 195). Although we may initially perceive the difference as bizarre and unappetizing, we try to find similarities between their behaviors and our own in an attempt to create the illusion that we are all people, and people are all essentially the same. Bennett recognizes that sympathy does not intentionally come with ill-will towards ethnic others, but he does state that, intentional or not, there are several consequences that emerge from employing sympathy. First, sympathy is insensitive to the differences between groups and within groups. Second, it can frequently take on a patronizing parental connotation, in which the sympathizer perceives herself to be a doting mother simply trying to assist her naughty or misguided children. Third, it lacks the recognition of difference, which causes the other person to become defensive to the sympathizer’s insensitivity to their reality. Fourth, it maintains the rhetoric of similarity (Bennet 202 – 203).

In contrast to sympathy, empathy recognizes diversity without feeling compelled to alter it into a more familiar form. Bennett asserts that, “in empathy, we ‘participate’ rather than ‘place’, and we are concerned with ‘experience’ and ‘perspective’ rather than ‘position’” (207). Empathy enables individuals to see a situation from another’s perspective, while attempting to understand, assess, and react to the situation in a fashion that is congruent with how the other would react. Accepting that reality is created, and that no experience is universal, the doors to honest intercultural communication can open Bennet 205). In attempt to put theory into practice, I will return to the slave narrative, “Harriet Jacobs Owns Herself;” however, endeavoring to write a letter expressing empathy between the slave owners and the slaves would prove unproductive because the slave owners were, for the vast majority of them, not expressing sympathy towards their slaves. A more fruitful approach would be between two people in the story who express sympathy towards each other. Therefore, the two subsequent fictional letters are between Samuel Sawyer and Harriet, the former a member of the center and the latter a prisoner of the margins, in an attempt to see how empathy could have changed the course of their relationship.

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Dear Harriet,

Truly expressing how I feel about you, the current political and social climate of the , the our future is an overwhelming task. It is important to first acknowledge that, as a member of the dominant class, I cannot and will not ever be able to fully comprehend the emotional and psychological state that you are in as a result to your enslavement. I have tried to imagine, I have spent countless hours trying to figure out how and what I should do that will legitimately aid you in your struggle, but I worry that, regardless of how charitable my acts may seem, there will always be issues to contend with. I am a product of my environment, as you are a product of yours and, as a result, I need to ask you to be patient with me during those times when my culture comes out and tries to act as a paternal figure to you, doling out advice. In our world, whites can only be the merciless task master or the patronizing parent to our slaves; we have not been taught to think outside of this power relationship. Although this makes me ashamed to admit the fact, I hope that through your guidance and the changing political situation, I will learn how to truly see you as an equal, without the history of slavery written across your chest. As a result of this intention, I realize that it is imperative for me to support your wishes, financially and emotionally, even when I believe that I know better. In the end, this is your life and your children we are dealing with, not my own. In closing, I wanted to tell you that I had every good intention in mind when I sent our daughter, Louisa, to my cousin in . I realize now the horror you must have experienced, believing that she would be sold back into slavery, but I promise you that she lives free and safe. Once again, I see that I am making the decisions, but as she is also my daughter, I am personally invested in her safety, and know that living in shadows as a fugitive is no way for a child to grow up. Please be assured that I have done everything in my power to insure her happiness, health, and wellbeing. If possible, continue contact with me through whatever avenues you have, and I promise that I will work tirelessly until we can all reunite as a family.

Yours always,

Samuel

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Samuel,

Thank you for your letter. Although I have said this many times before, I am grateful for your endless assistance and support. There are not many whites who are willing to help a slave, especially to the extent that you have, and when I am finally granted freedom, you will be, in no small part, responsible for this situation. I appreciate your letter, and your further explanation of why you chose to send Louisa away; however, you must put yourself into my shoes to truly understand my concern (and anger) over this situation. First, you promised but did not deliver, which rings too familiar with the other promises made to me by other slave owners. Second, you are deciding the fate of my children, and thus my own life, without consulting me, which suggests that you know best. In reality, you may have financial and political freedom, but in my reality, I would never do anything to jeopardize my children’s lives and, thus, you must trust my opinion and decisions on these matters. This will prove to me that you sincerely view me as a equal. This will not only put my mind at ease in the present, it will also contribute significantly to any future relationship we may have once I have been freed. I understand your reasons for sending Louisa away, but I am still suspicious whether your intentions are noble. Because you have never lead me astray before, I will choose to believe your intentions were good rather than continue to categorize your actions as further lies from the privileged class. Please realize that, because of our power difference, I will continue to need your assistance though this horrific time. Do not give up on us.

With hope,

Harriet.

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In attempt to put theory into practice, I will return to the slave narrative, “Harriet Jacobs Owns Herself;” however, endeavoring to write a letter expressing empathy between the slave owners and the slaves would prove unproductive because the slave owners were, for the vast majority of them, not expressing sympathy towards their slaves. A more fruitful approach would be between two people in the story who express sympathy towards each other. Therefore, the two subsequent fictional letters are between Samuel Sawyer and Harriet, the former a member of the center and the latter a prisoner of the margins, in an attempt to see how empathy could have changed the course of their relationship.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Harriet,

Truly expressing how I feel about you, the current political and social climate of the , the our future is an overwhelming task. It is important to first acknowledge that, as a member of the dominant class, I cannot and will not ever be able to fully comprehend the emotional and psychological state that you are in as a result to your enslavement. I have tried to imagine, I have spent countless hours trying to figure out how and what I should do that will legitimately aid you in your struggle, but I worry that, regardless of how charitable my acts may seem, there will always be issues to contend with. I am a product of my environment, as you are a product of yours and, as a result, I need to ask you to be patient with me during those times when my culture comes out and tries to act as a paternal figure to you, doling out advice. In our world, whites can only be the merciless task master or the patronizing parent to our slaves; we have not been taught to think outside of this power relationship. Although this makes me ashamed to admit the fact, I hope that through your guidance and the changing political situation, I will learn how to truly see you as an equal, without the history of slavery written across your chest. As a result of this intention, I realize that it is imperative for me to support your wishes, financially and emotionally, even when I believe that I know better. In the end, this is your life and your children we are dealing with, not my own. In closing, I wanted to tell you that I had every good intention in mind when I sent our daughter, Louisa, to my cousin in . I realize now the horror you must have experienced, believing that she would be sold back into slavery, but I promise you that she lives free and safe. Once again, I see that I am making the decisions, but as she is also my daughter, I am personally invested in her safety, and know that living in shadows as a fugitive is no way for a child to grow up. Please be assured that I have done everything in my power to insure her happiness, health, and wellbeing. If possible, continue contact with me through whatever avenues you have, and I promise that I will work tirelessly until we can all reunite as a family.

Yours always,

Samuel

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Samuel,

Thank you for your letter. Although I have said this many times before, I am grateful for your endless assistance and support. There are not many whites who are willing to help a slave, especially to the extent that you have, and when I am finally granted freedom, you will be, in no small part, responsible for this situation. I appreciate your letter, and your further explanation of why you chose to send Louisa away; however, you must put yourself into my shoes to truly understand my concern (and anger) over this situation. First, you promised but did not deliver, which rings too familiar with the other promises made to me by other slave owners. Second, you are deciding the fate of my children, and thus my own life, without consulting me, which suggests that you know best. Read More