Wedding Traditions from Various Destinations - Essay Example

Wedding Traditions For those getting married in modern times, the many traditions and age-old practices that must be followed may seem as if they have been that way forever. It may be surprising to learn how some of these traditions have changed over time and place to suit the new or changing society. Practices observed on one side of the ocean may not be at all similar to those followed on the other side. Likewise, traditions observed in one social class may be completely alien to traditions observed in another. To get an idea of how weddings have changed over time, it is necessary to investigate the traditions observed, the fashions utilized and the laws or dating rituals that accompany the wedding ceremony. Wedding customs vary widely across the many religions practiced by the people of America. Approximately 86 percent of all Americans profess to follow Christian traditions (Mordecai, 1999: 82). Despite this, there are several other cultures represented within this country’s population. These include Judaism, Buddhism, New Age and Nondenominational followers. Even within the Christian ranks, there remains a wide variety of practices and traditions. This can be seen when one compares Greek Orthodox weddings to Quaker ceremonies for example. “Peoples who tended to retain traditions were the Hindus, Jews, Muslims, Mennonites, and Quakers. Marriage customs of succeeding generations were increasingly influenced by the Christian majority for whom Western-style traditions were perpetuated by mass media” (Mordecai, 1999: 82). Some of these religious ceremonies have remained relatively unchanged throughout the centuries. Other ceremonies have changed quite significantly, or emerged as an altogether new form of celebration. As times changed, wedding ceremonies did not always include religious actions. Sometimes, they are secular events held within the courts and offices of the Justice of the Peace. In addition, changing laws have required changed approaches to greater or lesser degree even within the churches. For example, greater women’s rights won in the early 1900s forced significant change. They required church ceremonies to begin recognizing the ability of the young woman to make her own decisions. This was because she became less the property of her family and husband and more of an autonomous being (“Women’s History in America”, 1995). Mainstream Christian weddings in America took their cues and traditions from those established in England. When the Puritans first arrived on American soil in the 1600s, they carried with them their own ideas. These included the thought that the wedding traditions of the Anglicans were too rigid. So, they changed their positions accordingly. “Perceiving the Anglican wedding customs as excessive, they had turned their backs on the belief that marriage was an unbreakable and mystical union blessed by God. To them, marriage was a civil contract and, if the rules were broken, dissolvable by humans” (Downing, 1999). They introduced many customs into the traditions surrounding marriage that might not be familiar with modern Christian Americans. One of these was bundling. Bundling was the practice of allowing a visiting suitor to stay the night through elaborate means of separating the young couple. Separations were made by a ‘bundling board’ and wrapping the girl’s legs in a ‘bundling stocking’. The father-in-law’s gift of a chatelaine was another tradition. A chatelaine was a belt that contained various objects and was presented to the daughter-in-law before the ceremony. Many brides might still appreciate the morning gift, a present of some worth presented by the groom to the bride the morning after the wedding (Downing, 1999). “Puritans arranged marriages for their children and no one could marry outside the church. A girl could veto a choice but no one expected her to use the right. Love meant physically caring for someone so romance was unnecessary for marriage” (Hines, 2006). However, there remained some traditions that would have been familiar to the modern world. These included the announcement (called banns by the Puritans) and the selection of bridesmaids to help plan the festivities. In these early times, it was necessary for all adults to be married. This was both for social and economic reasons as colonies were being established. However, this began changing throughout the 18th century. Eventually, ceremonies evolved into the Victorian tradition. Attitudes toward marriage were changing with the passing of the years and the growing populations of the cities as early as the beginning of the 19th century. “[T]he number of unmarried women increased to an unprecedented 11 percent. […] Between 1780 and 1820, young women between the ages of 14 and 27 enjoyed unprecedented opportunities to attend school and to earn a cash income outside of their parents’ home” (“Courtship”, n.d.). This reluctance on the part of the women to get married coupled with changing social and economic conditions re-introduced the concept of marriage for social, political or economic gain. Marriage ceremonies increasingly became larger and more formal affairs, attended not simply by near kin (which had been the custom during the colonial period), but by a much larger number of family members and friends. Guests received printed invitations to the ceremony and were, in turn, expected to send wedding gifts. It was during the 1840s that many of the rituals that still characterize wedding ceremonies today first became widespread. (“Courtship”, n.d.) Thus was ushered in the Victorian period, named for Queen Victoria who first established many of these customs. A great deal of the Victorian ideals were transported across the sea during the 1800s. These included the strict idea of chaperoning young couples until after the engagement had been announced and the disapproval of public courtship. Yet, many of these customs were flaunted by the America’s young people as they entered the less civilized lands of the west or left their families to pursue opportunities in the growing cities. “Former stiff etiquette of Eastern cities gave way when rural couples met and gaily sang songs and danced to polkas, square dances, and the Scottish reel” (Mordecai, 1999: 83). The traditional Victorian wedding began with a formal engagement between the two young people. This had to be approved by their families who ensured that both were of suitable social status and reputation. The ceremony itself was typically held in the morning hours, which was a legal requirement all the way until 1880 (Hoppe, 1997: 2). A few decorations were present within the church or home where the wedding was to take place beginning at an early date. But these decorations became more and more elaborate as the decades wore on. Additions included the addition of boutonnières placed on the ushers. Even then, though, the groom did not typically receive a wedding band, that piece of jewelry being reserved exclusively for the bride (Hoppe, 1997: 2). Following the wedding ceremony, the couple received friends and relatives at a breakfast reception which usually included three wedding cakes. One of these was to be distributed among the guests as they left, one was to be eaten by the attendants and one to be preserved until the 25th anniversary (Hoppe, 1997: 2). It may be surprising to learn that the modern custom of the bride wearing a white dress to her wedding didn’t become a custom until it was introduced by Queen Victoria in 1840 (Hoppe, 1997: 1). “The early Victorian wedding dress had a fitted bodice, small waist, and full skirt (over hoops and petticoats). It was made of organdy, tulle, lace, gauze, silk, linen or cashmere. The veil was a fine gauze, sheer cotton or lace” (Hoppe, 1997: 1). The weddings of the upper class were all white. Even the bridesmaids wore white. Gowns were typically ordered from Paris sporting long trains, especially if the ceremony was to be held in a church. When jewelry appeared, it typically followed the all-white pattern, with the most popular gems being diamonds or pearls. The bride customarily wore more jewelry as the hour of the ceremony grew later in the day. The older bride, remarrying after being widowed, did not typically have attendants, veils or orange blossoms in her bouquet. She usually wore gowns of pearl, pink or lavender. Of course, weddings for the lower classes or weddings in the rural parts of the country differed significantly from the more formal affairs held in the city. These weddings typically did not follow the rigid time constraints observed in the city. Courtships often lasted only as long as three weeks or whenever the couple determined they were ready. The strict chaperoning was nearly impossible in communities where everyone had work to perform. Parents would indicate their approval or disapproval with a young woman’s suitor by the way they received him in their home. They left the one room cabin early to signal approval or ‘sat him out’ to indicate disapproval (Downing, 1999). The fashion of the rural class wedding was significantly different from that of the city center as well. “The American Frontier bride of the 1850s and 60s usually chose cambric, wool or linen dresses in a variety of colors. Few wore white, as the dress was used later for special events and church. Many had a warm, colorful shawl in paisley or plaid which draped her shoulders at the wedding. […] A warm shawl was more cherished than a wedding dress” (Hoppe, 1997: 1). In addition, many of these weddings were timed precisely so as not to interfere with peak harvesting or planting times. Timing was also planned to ensure the bride, should she become pregnant immediately, would not be overburdened with chores and pregnancy at inconvenient times. Modern weddings reflect many of these early traditions, although some have been modified to meet with changing standards of the modern world. While most brides still wear white, the styles incorporate a wide range of short and long dresses. Veils, tiaras, hats or any number of other types of headdress can be used. Dresses can entail trains or not and brides have been known to wear any variety of jewelry. Bridesmaids, however, are typically clad in any color but white. This is because it is considered unlucky for anyone to outshine the bride on her special day. Far from the pragmatic concerns of earlier times, the primary reason given now for couples to get married centers upon the concept of love. Love in the modern society is defined as a sexual attraction and mutual respect. This mutual respect is symbolized in the form of the exchanging of the rings, in which both the bride and groom receive a ring. Changing laws regarding the proper time in which a wedding should take place have allowed the ceremonies to be held later and later. Now, weddings are typically held in the afternoons or evenings. This is so that the reception, which usually entails plenty of entertainment, can include a formal sit-down dinner. This change in time has also forced the modification of another tradition. Rather than leaving for their honeymoon directly after the reception, the new couple typically spends their wedding night at a luxury location within the area of the church. They leave on the honeymoon the next morning. Those in the lower income bracket still tend to select dresses that can be worn at later occasions. They also usually plan their weddings to take place in the early afternoon to avoid the expense of feeding all the guests a full meal. The Quakers were another early group coming to America seeking a means of freely exercising their religious choices, including their unique approach to the wedding ceremony. Their concept of real love, an important aspect of any union, was based upon shared beliefs and mutual respect. In this, the Quakers agreed with the Puritans regarding marrying only within the society. But they also rejected the concept of marrying for material gain. While they considered it important that the families approved of the marriage, it was also important for couples to gain the acceptance of the rest of the community. This was done by presenting an announcement of the couple’s intentions to the women’s meeting for approval, which was then forwarded on to the men’s meeting (Downing, 1999). The ceremony itself is a very quiet affair, with the woman presenting herself to the groom rather than being given away by her father. “Quakers […] believe that only God can join two people. No officiant leads the service. The ceremony begins with silent prayer and continues until the couple stand, join hands and make their vows to each other. Then they sign the marriage certificate” (Licata, 2000). Another common custom was that a newly married couple lived for two weeks with the bride’s family before moving into a home of their own (Downing, 1999). Quaker weddings today are very similar to the early traditions transported to this country, but modifications have been made. These changes were made to accommodate the widely different belief systems that exist within families in the modern world. The ceremony begins with ushers directing guests to their seats within the meeting house. The parents are seated in the front and the bride and groom present themselves to the assembly usually unescorted, but occasionally with attendants. During the regular worship service, the bride and groom join hands and speak ritual words to each other. These words comprise a simple statement of intent. With these words spoken, they are considered married. “Quakers believe God, not man, joins a husband and wife” (Mordecai, 1999: 98). To make it official, the groomsmen present a marriage contract to the couple to be signed and the regular service continues. The marriage contract is then signed by the members of the congregation during a formal reception. However, even here, the reception is less formal than that held within the Christian tradition. Receptions often include musical celebrations and perhaps a potluck dinner for the guests. Finally, many of these traditions continue to be modified to accommodate Christian traditions. This is because more and more members marry outside of their faith. Many of the traditions examined so far are based upon a traditional Christian base, but it is helpful to look at the traditions of other beliefs as well. For example, the traditional Jewish wedding was based upon an arranged marriage. The arrangement was orchestrated by the town’s matchmaker when the children of the families were very young (Mordecai, 1999: 25). The bride and groom often did not meet each other until just before the wedding took place. Marrying within the faith was so essential that it remains a strong consideration even in modern times Exactly opposite from the Christian traditions, the bride awaits the groom under the chuppah, the equivalent of the altar. The groom is escorted down the aisle by his father, father-in-law, Rabbi and other male members of the wedding party (Mordecai, 1999: 28). The ceremony itself was characterized by the recital of the Ketubah, which is a formal document written in Aramaic. The Ketubah lists the various promises and duties the bride and groom offer to each other (Mordecai, 1999: 27). At the end of the ceremony, a wine glass was broken to symbolize the destruction of Jerusalem. The ceremony is followed by a reception characterized by joyous dancing and the presentation of the gifts. Like Christian weddings, Jewish weddings contain many of the old traditions with modern modifications to accommodate the changing lifestyles of their practitioners. It is still important to many Jewish people that they marry within their faith. At the very least, it is important that the non-Jewish partner be willing to study to convert. Likewise, Sabbath (Friday nights and Saturdays) and other holy days remain sacred, prohibiting wedding ceremonies from being planned on those days. To facilitate those who are not of Jewish faith, many weddings performed in America are first spoken in Hebrew to make them official and then repeated in English. This is so those who do not understand Hebrew can understand the service (Mordecai, 1999: 26). The Ketubah is still used in many modern Jewish weddings, but the wording of the document is often changed. It used to indicate the husband owns the wife and the wife will promise to always be dutiful. Now, it is written to reflect a mutual commitment to the marriage, the family and the community (Winterbottom, 2006). In addition, the symbolism of the breaking of the wine glass has come to take on new associations. “To some […] the breaking of the glass is a reminder of the fragility of life and an affirmation that in times of happiness there should be a touch of seriousness. It also serves as a reminder of the sanctity of marriage – a broken glass cannot be mended” (Winterbottom, 2006). Jewish wedding fashions track closely with the fashions of the Christian ceremonies, with additional importance placed upon the veiling of the bride until the ceremony. Finally, secular marriages have emerged in modern times. This is because more and more people choose to spare expenses associated with the larger religious ceremonies. Others do not subscribe to a particular religion to begin with. Changing laws permitted women and men to make their own choices regarding when and to whom they should be married. This made it possible for ceremonies to be held within the courts and at the offices of the Justice of the Peace. Each state has its own set of requirements before the marriage will be recognized. Most require a marriage license be obtained a specified minimum number of days prior to the ceremony. “Thirty-two states prohibit first cousin marriages, and 19 states have various laws regulating such marriages. In Arizona, first cousins are permitted to wed if they do not have children together. In Maine, they may marry after receiving genetic counseling” (Mordecai, 1999: 82). Another form of marriage can be obtained in some states by providing proof that a man and woman have lived together in a conjugal relationship for a specified period of time. This is typically seven years. These marriages are called common law marriages. In some cases, these changes in traditional ceremonies were introduced as a response to changing social conditions. Reasons could include greater or lesser economic status or greater interaction with other cultures and belief systems. There are several factors that determine the type of wedding ceremony to be performed. These include the families involved, their connection (or lack of connection) with their country of origin and their dedication to the beliefs that have been passed down from generation to generation. In addition, changing times occasionally require changing attitudes, such as the recognition of a woman’s right to make her own decisions. Some traditions could be seen to evolve into other traditions, sometimes wildly different from their originating source. Others sprang up as new innovations to answer a changing society. This provided a rich mixture of traditions to be followed according to the preferences of the couple involved. Through this research, it has become apparent that there is more than one ‘proper’ way to get married. The definition of a correct wedding depends a great deal on the people getting married and their families. Although a Jewish wedding might not seem appropriate to me, that doesn’t make it any less official. Even if I see a bride wearing all red, I will never again automatically assume she is somehow overly rebellious. While each of these traditions is different, most have a basis in deeply held beliefs and symbolisms that are important to that culture. It reminds me that there are many aspects of life that might be defined according to different standards as well. Works Cited “Courtship in Early America.” The Gilder Lehrman Institute of American History. (n.d.). University of Houston. December 1, 2006 < http://www.hfac.uh.edu/gl/uscourt.htm> Downing, Beverly. “I Do!” Family Chronicle. (May/June 1999). November 30, 2006 < http://www.familychronicle.com/MarriageCustoms.html> Hines, Michael. “The Puritan Scene.” Church History for the Masses. (2006). December 1, 2006 < http://www.christianchronicler.com/index.htm> Hoppe, Michelle. “The Victorian Wedding.” Literary Liaisons. (1997). December 1, 2006 < http://www.literary-liaisons.com/article004.html> Licata, Paula. “The Silent Ceremony: A Look into Quaker Weddings.” Pash Weddings. (January 1, 2000). December 1, 2006 Mordecai, Carolyn. You are Cordially Invited to Weddings: Dating & Love. Phoenix, AR: Nittany Publishers, 1999. Winterbottom, Leigh. “The Modern Jewish Ceremony.” Brides.com. (2006). December 1, 2006 “Women’s History in America.” Compton’s Interactive Encyclopedia. (1995). Compton’s New Media. December 1, 2006 Read More