The improvement of the Diagnostic - Essay Example

Qihan Deng 2/11 ID: 652494095 Thesis, PIE, and Coherence: Improving the Clarity and Persuasiveness of an Essay Revising academic essays is a brilliant and difficult task. It is brilliant because students have a chance to get feedback from their instructors and peers and to learn from their mistakes. It is also difficult because not all students are skilled in identifying their writing strengths and weaknesses. This current paper will analyze and demonstrate the changes I will make in my diagnostic essay. I have to improve my thesis statement by including that in the introduction and adding a title that will reflect my thesis, changing paragraphs into PIE structure to enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of my arguments, and boosting the coherence of my supporting claims through effective transitions, repetitions, and parallelism. The thesis should be added at the end of the introduction, included as part of the title, and reflect my strongest arguments. A thesis is required to ensure that I have a focused point in my essay. First, I should have a thesis that says: “Teenagers should not be allowed to undergo cosmetic surgery because they lack the physical and emotional maturity for it.” This thesis includes my main arguments, which will be discussed further per paragraph. Second, I will also add a title that reflects my thesis because this will prepare my audience for the topic and arguments I will make. My title will be: “Why Teenagers Should Not Go Under the Knife: The Question of Emotional and Physical Maturity.” This title shows my topic, which is teenage cosmetic surgery, and that my thesis will focus on emotional and physical maturity arguments. Third, my thesis should be composed of my strongest arguments. The strongest arguments are based on logic and authority of my sources. In my original paper, I did not cite my sources and explain their credibility. For instance, I should mention doctors and psychologists who are against teenage cosmetic surgery because they believe that these children are still physically and emotionally unprepared for the risks and effects of cosmetic surgery: This will show that teenagers might focus too much on cosmetic surgery benefits, without understanding that they are young and will continue changing throughout their adolescent lives. These improvements can help me enhance my writing skills because I will be more aware of what a thesis is and what it should include and why. Aside from the thesis, I should work on my PIE structure because it will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of my arguments. A PIE structure for every paragraph will reveal my claims and the evidence to support them. For example, I can change the second paragraph by writing the first sentence as the initial supporting argument for my thesis. I will write: “Cosmetic surgery should not be done on teenagers because they lack the physical maturity for it, thereby threatening their health.” This sentence will be the controlling idea of my paragraph. In addition, a PIE structure will greatly boost the persuasiveness of my arguments. An example is that every point should have supporting evidence. Having a main point and supporting it with an example of evidence and elaboration can clarify my concepts and intentions. Readers will understand my argument more and I can persuade them further. Moreover, a PIE structure can help me explore my arguments and strengthen them. I cannot just say that teenage cosmetic surgery is bad without explaining why. A PIE structure enables me to point out the strength behind my claims. These changes will help me become a better writer because I can use PIE to improve my fluency and persuasiveness. Coherence is an important aspect of a paper that I overlooked, but I can improve it through adding effective transitions, repeating vital words and phrases, and applying parallelism. Coherence means that all my paragraphs are coherent in themselves, as well as the entire essay, and I can achieve this by adding effective transitions. For instance, after discussing the physical maturity needed for a cosmetic surgery, I will point out the value of emotional readiness: “Apart from physical maturity, teenagers are not emotionally prepared for the risks and consequences of cosmetic surgery.” The words “apart from” will connect my second paragraph to the first. Another way of enhancing the coherence of my essay is repeating important words and phrases. An example is repeating the health risks in relation to the physical immaturity of teenagers. I can say: “If their bodies are still growing and changing, then teenagers do not know the final outcomes of their physical transformation yet,” and then I will say in the concluding statement of the paragraph: “Physical change is a process that will be not be completed through intrusive cosmetic surgery.” My aim is to help my readers connect vital concepts to my thesis. Parallelism is another way of ensuring coherence because of parallel forms that make reading interesting and engaging. I will improve the parallelism of my paper by including parallel thoughts, like the parallel between physical and emotional maturity. Parallelism is a good way of ensuring that readers see these parallels as something that is compelling and engaging. These changes will help me become more aware of coherence and how it affects my thesis and audience. To improve the diagnostic essay, I will create a strong and clear thesis with convincing PIE paragraphs and enhanced coherence. This is an important activity because it helps me become critical of my writing. Critical thinking is essential for self-awareness, which will assist me in becoming a better writer. Good writers can send their messages across their audiences, and for me, this is not just about getting good grades, but becoming a persuasive writer who can impact loved ones, future workplace, and even, society in general. Good writing is hard work and it begins with self-criticism, from where self-improvement will constantly flourish. Read More