Vengeance Relationships are so Poisonous - Research Paper Example

Name Tutor Course Date Introduction Relationships are filled with arrows and slings that can at times spark a great aspiration to payback or take revenge on perceived offences. Whether a person has been betrayed by a romantic partner or friend, the desire to take revenge can be extremely strong. Revenge is a very influential emotion that makes individuals to do tremendous things. Lovers and spouses have been murdered, wars have been initiated, and love relationships have been broken all because of revenge. Having an affair with another person since your partner has one is a way of revenge. Revenge relationship occurs when a person start a relationship with another person as a response to their partner alleged or real dishonesty, infidelity or lack of commitment. People’s opinion on revenge relationships I have been studying the impacts of revenge on interpersonal relationships for numerous years. I have asked individuals to tell me how they felt when they took revenge against a partner cheated on them. Several respondents said that they felt a lot of anger and fear when they were flirting with a male partner who was not their boyfriend. Majority of people also believed that revenge will lead to positive feelings, but it turned out that this was not the case, because it made them to feel more angry and hurt and also felt worse afterward. The comic thing about taking revenge against your partner by having an affair is that, at the moment, it usually feels justified, satisfying and powerful. These feeling nevertheless, shortly turn into guilt, sadness, shame and regret. Unluckily, by this moment pieces have by now been destroyed and the harm has been performed. The people I interviewed were for the opinion that we might have been treated poorly, wronged or embarrassed by our lover or partner, this doesn’t grant one the right to engage is a similar act. Revenge isn’t a healthy deed no matter how right or justified one feels. Majority of people admit that they didn’t they neither made their partners jealous nor feel good after taking revenge against their partners, whilst others feel the requirement to get more ways of hurting a cheating partner. Revenge doesn’t make a person to feel good, because cheating is often not repaired independently. Research on revenge relationships According to Yoshimura, revenge mostly emerges from an understandable yearning to control a person’s social environment and people have several rewarding, creative and entertaining ways of achieving this (87). Over long term, nevertheless, vengeance against a relationship partner seems to prevent wounds the result from hurt from healing. The proverbial charm of revenge is an anticipated, but short term pleasure that is followed by long lasting bitterness. Engaging in revenge relationships is unhealthy and does not achieve the initial goal of getting even with a cheating partner. Duck and Perlman argues that the difficulty of taking revenge against a partner you suspect to be cheating is that it protracts the agony and hurt that one is apparently going through (193-196). In addition, it prevents the likelihood of reconciliation with the cheating spouse- if an opportunity exists. If a person takes revenge through having a romantic relationship with another person, it is obvious that one will end up feeling more emptier inside that one felt before engaging in a revenge relationship. Any sense or feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment through getting even with a partner through a revenge relationship dissipates swiftly because you will have lied to yourself and you are very much aware that two wrongs do not make a right (Bies & Tripps 77-90). Taking a considerable amount of time to expel things in a more controlled, healthy way through re-affirming control and power over your life is the best way to deal with a cheating partner According to Yoshimura, (88-90) Attaining control and power over one’s living within such a circumstance assists to restore stability and normalcy in one’s life again. In addition, you might still be in love with your unfaithful partner and might consider creating room for reconciliation. Revenge isn’t the best way of getting back at a cheating partner. Carlsmith, notes that revenge won’t stop a cheating spouse from repeating the action. If you need to save a marriage or maintain a healthy relationship, the cheating spouse will find your revenge relationship as a justificatory deed that it was appropriate that he cheated you with another person. One is supposed to offer the notion that you have been a faithful and good partner and let him comprehend that it was his mistake that causes confusion and problems. Taking revenge against your spouse will worsen things. He may even attempt to retaliate again through cheating more. Vengeance doesn’t exact integrity on both partners and the routine will not come to an end when a cheating party finds outs that you have equaled his actions (Carlsmith, 1320-1321). My own opinions on effectiveness of revenge relationships Revenge relationships are s toxic. Rather than romanticizing revenge, we are supposed to rationalize it and know that when we are involving ourselves in it, we have a role to play towards maintain a healthy relationship. Therefore,, if you believe that your partner has wronged you, speak directly to him , let him know the way you feel about his actions in a respectful manner and set a limit or make an appeal if it will assist. We are not supposed to punish people for their deeds and subsequently justify our actions. It is common that a person is controlled by anger when one suspects or realizes that her partner is having an affair with another person. Instead of allowing anger to control your life, it is advisable to speak to a close friend or relationship counselor in order to vent your feelings. It is important to try to amend and rationalize what is happening to your spouse. Rima should avoid making plans of seeking vengeance against your cheating partner and don’t consider thoughts of destroying him emotionally through having a close relationship with another man. In the real sense, these thoughts are in your head, but it is important to take note that your feelings are running riot at this moment and you aren’t clearly thinking. Cheating results to shattered faith and trust and broken hearts. With their faith and trust in their spouse shattered, there is a strong possibility of getting even. Revenge sexual relationships, other forms of vicious surprises and even potential for violence subsists. These feelings may linger for a long time, compelling the victim to engage in a relationship in order to show her partner that he is capable of having friends of the opposite sex as he does. However, this is unhealthy because it will lead to more hurt and frustration. What is required is a healthy expelling of these frustrations along with a feasible approach to tackling the cheating. It’s very appropriate to break up with the cheating partner. This will assist in de-escalating the possibility of mistakes and miscalculations. With the cheating partner gone, you will be able to put your life back together. Engaging in a revenge relationship does more harm than good. One is already in a tormented emotional state and very susceptible and will end up hating yourself later Decisions based on emotional responses are usually regretted later on and that even though you are hurting, these revenge feeling will soon go away. Rather than contemplate on taking the route of a revenge relationship, it is important to take time to understand if your partner is having an emotional relationship or the relationship is just platonic. If the relationship is emotional, your partner might regret his misbehavior and articulate a wish for reconciliation. Rima should mindful that attempting to get revenge on the cheating boyfriend who has aggressive or violent tendencies might be a very risky game. No matter how the cheating boyfriend might deserve what he gets, he might retaliate against you in aggressive or violent ways. The best revenge might be to do nothing. When the cheater is conscious that you are aware of his affair, you should act honorably, hold your head high and show the cheating spouse that you cannot lower yourself or stoop low to his level in order to seek revenge. Conclusion A revenge relationship is not a healthy way of hitting back at your cheating partner because it leads to more frustrations and hurt. No matter how a cheating partner may deserve what he gets when his partner gets into are relationship with another person, this form of revenge is not justifiable. Therefore, rather than contemplating on engaging in a revenge relationship, Rima should talk to her partner how feels about his relationship with his female friend and present herself as a faithful and good partner. Works Cited Duck, Steve. & Perlman, Daniel. Understanding personal relationships: An interdisciplinary approach. Beverly Hills: Sage, 2002. Bies, Robert. & Tripps, Thomas. Beyond distrust:“Getting even” and the need for revenge. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 2004. Yoshimura, Stephen. Goals and emotional outcomes of revenge activities in interpersonal relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24, 87-98, 2007. Carlsmith, Kevin., Wilson, Timothy., & Gilbert, Daniel. The paradoxical consequences of revenge. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 1316-1324, 2008. Read More