How Divorce Affects Children - Research Paper Example

?Running Head: DIVORCE Divorce s’ Institute’s Divorce Introduction: "Do you take this Man Woman to be your Husband Wife till death does you apart?" "I do". This is the line which many of us say once in our lives. Time comes when once we all regret the day we uttered it. But there are some of us who seriously realize what a mistake they have made and ruined half of their lives. They decide to break up which is properly known as divorce. First, we need to understand what exactly divorce is. According to the dictionary.reference.com divorce is “a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, especially one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations.” Divorce is a way a husband and wife get free from the bond of marriage. After divorce they are open to marry any other person or live as they want to. They are no more answerable to each other. There are countless reasons why people choose separation as the last resort. Below are some reasons for divorce: When expectations get high and spouses are unable to stand up to the expectations of their partners, problems arise. Often arranged marriages take place in many societies and cultures which involves the family and relatives choosing a groom for the bride, or a bride for the groom overlooking the wishes of the bride and the groom. When marriage is enforced on someone, it arouses reasons for divorce, example the girl may be abused after marriage and she may ask the court to get her a divorce. Marriages with strange persons and between persons of different compatibility sometimes result in disaster. Not only physical compatibility is required but mental, spiritual and sexual compatibility is also very essential for the marriage to survive. Spouses having affairs with colleagues in offices or with any other outside person. The Rates of Divorce in the World: What usually happens in “reel” life certainly does not happen in real life. We expect our real lives to be just like the “reel” life where the hero and heroine sing love songs on a snow covered mountain and romance away or the hero buys expensive gifts for the heroine and does things for her which are fictitious and totally impractical in real life. All this leads the youth especially the girls far away from the harsh realities of life and on getting married, we create difficulties for our own selves as well as for our life partners. No wonder the rates of divorce are increasing year after year all over the world. According to the United Nations demographic year book, the country which has the highest rate of divorcees has 5 divorcees every 1000 people. The other countries have 3.6 divorcees out of every 1000 people and so on. So we can see how rates of divorce are increasing. (Reich, 2010) Effects of Divorce: Whatever may be the reason for a divorce, it adversely affects both the spouses, families and societies. No one marries thinking that he/she would end up divorcing later on. Undoubtedly, people think that marriage is a new beginning of their lives with their spouses. They would live happily and will not be like other married people fighting over little things and their relationship would last for a lifetime. After some time you realize that it is not happening the way you thought it to be. Slowly, for reasons you may not understand, your dream seems to shatter. As you try to find a way out of the pains and hurdles that come in your relationship, the only attractive and appropriate way you would find will be divorce. Your thoughts would be, “ after all everyone gets a second chance.” , “ maybe I married the wrong person, the other man fits well with me” or you may think “ I need a break” ; “Marriage itself is a problem. Being single is better.” Before you escape from the jail of marriage, stop and look in which part of paradise you will be entering. Most people are not aware of the difficulties of post-divorce life which they would have to face. Below I will be discussing about the effects of divorce on men, women, and children and on the society. Men: What effects could a divorce have on a man varies with the situations. It may have a positive effect as well as a negative effect. Usually men do not take the first step to divorce. They try hard to save their relationship. But when they have to go through divorce they feel empty and at loss emotionally, in the beginning, due to loss of intimacy and social connections and, on top of that, parental involvement. If divorce notice has landed upon him as a bomb then chances are that he might become unstable for a while because psychologically he is affected and is in a shock which may lose his power of concentrating on his work. Such men may even skip meals due to the shock and depression. Men who have no other relatives to live with may have to struggle with household chores like washing his clothes, cooking for himself and keeping the house clean. Such men may skip meals too. If the father and the child are attached then it becomes very difficult for the father to live without the child. That too, may lead to depression in man. Financially a man is more stable than women after divorce. But if wife has made him sign such an agreement where he would have to give a payment to his wife or any monthly pay for the brought up and education of the child then it is doubtful that he would still have a stable financial position. Men may even suffer with health problems due to divorce. Life expectancies are lower for divorced men than married men. A recent study found that those men who are married and are unhappy are likely to be happy after 5 years than those who are divorced. Married men are more likely to recover from cancer than an unmarried man who is least likely to improve. There is a decline in mental health after divorce. The mental health indicators include despair, aggression, positive relations with others, self-acceptance and personal growth. Women: How divorce could affect a woman also depends upon the situation, whether it has a negative effect or a positive effect. Usually women react better than men. They are the ones who insist upon divorce twice as repeatedly as men. Psychologically they are at ease because for them it was an end to the daily fights. They recover and adjust faster than a man. They even get social support from parents and other family relatives. They can always rely on someone even after divorce. So they need not take any tension regarding any emotional support. Mostly the mother gets the keeping of the child/children no matter what the court decides. So the women cope up faster than men because they have to take care of the child and his/her future. Due to parental pressure even women are forced to remarry in some societies and cultures. Women who work and keep her child in child care are looked down upon by the society. If men do such a thing, they gain compassion and support from the society. At the same time living with her children also gives her little tension that how she is going to bring them up as her financial status is poor. After divorce a women usually suffers from a bad financial condition as she is alone to earn money and also to take care of the house. She may get a monthly pay for the brought up of the brought up of the child from the father if the court has ordered him to do so. This may release her from stress. Generally, after divorce women have to go through less amount of stress and they can adjust easily because of the following reasons: 1) They get family support or social support, 2) They get money ex-husband for the brought up of the child, 3) They find and make an identity of their own and are more confident in the new roles they play. 4) They are more relieved to get rid of the marital problems. Women go through the same health problems as men. (Corcoran, 1997) Children: Between husband and wife fights, children get the worst affected. Small children are unable to understand why his/her parents are shouting at each other or why mother is crying. They get upset on seeing such scenes and feel helpless because they cannot do anything to stop this. This has a very bad effect on their little minds. Most children do not want their parents to fight and separate. Divorce is always a stressful process both for the parents and the child and in this procedure it may always happen that one parent may lose contact with the child. Parents who care for their child must handle such a situation with much care and wisdom because one moment of carelessness may affect the child in a bad way. Many children get psychological and behavioral problems after going through the phase of divorce or may even go into depression after losing contact with one parent if he/she was very attached with that parent. Troubled children are more likely to lose control on their anger, disobedience and not following the rules. Divorce can also affect the studies of the children. They may seem lost in the class or lack concentration. They may even start behaving in an abnormal way like caring for their parents instead of getting cared by the parents. Teenagers may react in a different way than children do. They may be either understanding or may want to stay out of it. But no doubt all this troubles them as well. It is a reality that after divorce children and teenagers is filled with emptiness in their lives. (Emery, R. E.) Society: Divorce is becoming very common in our society. Divorce was once considered as offensive. It was unthinkable to divorce after marrying. If a couple had a divorce it was understood that it was the fault of both the husband and the wife as they could not keep the family together. The court has made divorce easier and therefore the rates of divorce in the world have increased. Nowadays, the perception of marriage has changed. Now people no more consider marriages as holy because divorce has become very common which leaves the impression on people’s mind that to get married is like to get in a prison for lifetime. Due to an increase in the rates of divorce, emotional instability and rates of crime is also growing very fast. Children see divorce as a part of life. Divorce is affecting family life. Children are not getting proper love and care from both their parents, which is resulting in improper development of children and adolescents. In such a case job instability and crime involvement becomes obvious. This is overall affecting the society in which we live. The values of society are changing. Marriage is no more considered as compulsory or holy. If the rate of divorce goes on increasing in the same way then the day is not far away when people will lose faith in love and marriage and strong, long lasting relationships. They would just believe in using a person like a tissue and then throwing him/her away after fulfilling their desires. The society would become adulterated. Life would become more stressful than it is today. (Top54u, 2008) Results of Getting a Divorce: Life becomes stressful for both the husband and wife and the children. After divorce a person may gat temporary relief. Children get upset. Psychologically affected. In pain to see their parents fight. Lack of love from both parents. Improper development of children due to divorce. Society gets affected. Gives rise to crime and adulteration in the society. Children get ruined. Bad name attached with marriage. Health problems arise for men, women and children. Mentally they become weak. Husband and wife may get their part of property, money or any other compensation if any is written in the agreement. Their dues during the marital period are also proportionally divided between them. If they have any children, the court decided under whose custody they will be in. They are free from the bond of marriage and are free to remarry or live as they want to peacefully. (Desai) Conclusion: The twenty-seven students who completed my survey are from the United States of America (6), Turkey (5), Spain (3), Saudi Arabia (5) and four are from the United Arab Emirates. There are 14 males and 13 females. 11 of the students are under 21 years old and 16 are over 21 years old.11 of the students are undergraduates and 16 are graduate. Most of the foreign students have lived in the United States of America for 6 to 32 months, and six of the students are citizens. Most of the students live in apartments. The first question was ‘’ Are you married ? ‘’ twenty three of the students who answered this question were not married, and four students who answered this question were divorced. All the students who were divorced agreed that their life has been so hard since the divorce and the divorce has affected them and their children and has made their lives difficult. Seventy percent of the students who answered this question said that divorce would affect any human. ‘’ Do you prefer getting divorce to solve problems that your partner make ? ‘’ Most the students who answered this question did not want to solve the problems by getting divorce , while other said that it depended on the problem. If it were painful they would solve it by divorce. Another question I asked is ‘’ Does divorce affect people and children ? ‘’.Twenty percent of the students said that divorce sometimes affected people and always affected children while all the other students said that divorce affected people and children. On the other hand, ninety percent of the students said that divorce is not a good solution while other ten percent of the students said that divorce sometimes has been a good solution.  Most of the students said their opinion that divorce is the worst thing ever while other students say that divorce had to be the last choice. So, you can see it very clearly that according to my survey most of the students believe that divorce is not the solution of the problem yet in some cases it is a good solution. “Some relationships are worth working on, some aren’t. In such a case, it is better to go for a Divorce than be trapped in a miserable marriage”. (Anamika, S) References Psych Basics. (n.d.). Divorce. Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/divorce Dictionary.com. (n.d.). Divorce. Dictionary.com. Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Divorce Anamika., S. (n.d.). Why do people get divorced : Top 10 Reasons for Divorce. Hub Pages. Retrieved from http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/Divorce-Reasons Reich, A. (2010). Highest Divorce Rates In The World. Huffington Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/21/highest-divorce-rates-in-_n_798550.html#s211133&title=Moldova Desai, A. J. D. (n.d.). The effects of Divorce. Troubled with. Retrieved from http://www.troubledwith.com/Relationships/A000000830.cfm?topic=relationships%3A%20divorce Corcoran, K. (1997). Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce. Mediate.com Retrieved from http://www.mediate.com/articles/psych.cfm Divorce Lawyer Source. (n.d.). Effects of Divorce. Retrieved from http://www.divorce-lawyer-source.com/html/law/effects.html Top54u. (2008). Effects of Divorce on Society. Retrieved from http://home-family.top54u.com/post/Effects-of-Divorce-on-Society.aspx Emery, R. E. (n.d.). How Divorce Affects Children. The Truth about Children and Divorce. Retrieved from http://emeryondivorce.com/how_divorce_affects_children.php Read More