When Should Parents Let Teens Make Their Own Decisions - Term Paper Example

When Should Parents Let Teens Make Their Own Decisions? Outline i) Introduction This section will introduce the topicof the paper and its significance concluding with the thesis statement. ii) Body This section will discuss the effects of not letting children make their own decisions and also the advantages that would occur if parents let children make their own decisions. The Isaac Pluto Case is a case of how not supporting children to make decision can lead to suicide. The self-esteem specifically discusses how not letting children to make their own decisions affects their self-esteem and also offer some recommendations for parents. iii) Conclusion The conclusion part conclude by restating the topic and also offering some more recommendations Introduction There are classic examples heard every time children and their parent argue for example, “there is no point explaining to you because you will never understand” and “I will never good enough for you” (Ginsburg 53). These are certainly the words of a hurt child being channeled to a likewise hurt parent. However, at time, parents fail to acknowledge that their child is no longer a child and this does not imply that the child should be granted unlimited/unrestricted freedom, but simply implies that it reaches a point where children’s ideas, views and opinions have to be acknowledged (Faull 1). Children, as well, want to understand their parents and why they want them to do things in a certain manner (Ginsburg 53). Even though, children will make their person decisions, a proper home life can enhance the chances that children will avoid a lot of the downsides of teenage years (Rochman 1). Specifically, a kind, affectionate and solid connection with parents who show respect and acknowledgement to the children, a concentration in their children’s doings, and also establish firm boundaries for those doings might directly or indirectly influence the positive behavior of their children (Faull 1). This leads to determent of sexual promiscuity, criminal activity, low self-esteem, illegal drugs and alcohol use, delinquency and also negative peer pressure (Ginsburg 53). The issue as to when parents should allow their children to make their own decision has extensively been studied in the academic, psychological and parenting field and is still being studied today. A majority of the sources agree that the best time to let the child make their own decision is around the age of 16-18. This paper also supports this point in the discussion that will be presented below. Effects of Taking away Teenagers’ Decision Making A majority of parents today consider that working through the adolescent years of their children is tough, but the reality of the ground is that it is just as tough for the child as it is for the parent (Ginsburg 54). The, at one time, innocent, cuddly and charming child, all of a sudden turns moody, rebellious as the parent is left hopelessly alone. However, it is not only difficult for the parent along because the child is also going through a phase of emotions, fear and confusion (Steinberg 58). Parents who spend most of their time showing positive, constructive reinforcement, and who are able to have effective discussion with their children can see them through their teenage years. The child might even end up enjoying facing the different events of teenage hood (Ginsburg 54). The stronger the association between the child and the child, the better the child will be able to establish a positive self-image, which will enhance the child’s self-assurance, academic success and also reduce the chances of future alcohol and drug abuse (Faull 1). When children are growing up, most of them are normally sensitive to a lot of things (Faull 1). They have less knowledge of what is happening around them or, as literature puts it, they are naïve. Therefore, having a positive view towards life can likewise persuade the child many ways (Steinberg 58). Psychological experts have proven that saying to a child that they are not got enough can, in reality, bring their morale down, and once their attain teenage-hood, they might feel ignored and start developing negative attitudes towards themselves (Ginsburg 54). At times, the child might feel as if he or she will never be good enough or will never meet the expectations of his or her very own parents (Rochman 1). Therefore, fake hopes will not only upset the parent, but also the child. Parents who display love and affection plus also tell their children that it is okay to behave in a certain manner and not act like the rest of his/her friends goes a long way to establish the positive view of the child (Steinberg 58). Positive reinforcements presented by the parent work positively since they provide children with constructive and supportive goals so that they can work to rather than just focusing on implications to avoid, which persists in the late teenage years (Ginsburg 55). Case of Isaac Chua et al. (1131) discuss how Isaac Pluto (12 years) has one of those nights back in August, 2006. With the first day of school planned for the next day, Isaac, from an overly loving background, went to bed after saying a prayer with his mother. The following day, very early in the morning before even his family members got up, Isaac took a rope and stool to their backyard and later his body was found hanging by the tree (Chua et al. 1131). This is one of the many sad cases of children who had a loving family and intelligence but since they felt that they were obese and could not fit well with his peers that they were left with no other option but to take away their lives. If Isaac’s parents had convincingly assured him that it was all right to be obese and that they could help him manage it rather than calling him fat, then he would not have committed suicide (Chua et al. 1131). Some children believe that if they do not meet the expectations of others, particularly their parents’ hopes, then they are upsetting and disappointing their parent. When the child starts arguing with the lines “I will never be good enough for you” or “nothing to you that I do is ever correct,” then parents should start to evaluate their relationship with their child (Chua et al. 1131). This links to having a low self-worth, as well, since the child is continuously saying to him or herself that regardless of what they do, they still will never be good enough for their parents’ and; thus, why bother trying (Ginsburg 55). Teenagers, from the age of 15 to 18, normally have attained puberty and have became mature enough both mentally and physically, since their bodies and brains have developed enough (Ginsburg 55). Thus, parents should grant their children the chance to make their own decisions (Faull 1). This is because when it reaches the time to perhaps go to the university, perhaps in a far away land where the parent is not there, the child will have to live on his own and make all the decision for him or herself. Therefore, if the parents used to dictate all the decisions in the teenage years of the child, then the child might face difficult times when they are on their own trying to make any decision (Ginsburg 55). Self-Esteem Self-esteem refers to the feelings or beliefs people have towards themselves or simply how they see themselves (Faull 1). Teenagers with low self-esteem do not wish to try out new things, and often speak pessimistically concerning themselves: “I am not good enough stupid”, “What is the point? No one cares anyway” or “I will never know how to do this” (Faull 1). Social psychologists argue that people form a perception of themselves rooted in how people see them or how people act towards them. In the looking glass theory, psychologists have contrasted the important people in someone’s life to looking mirrors or glasses (Ginsburg 56). When people present themselves to others through their actions and words, they interpret the people’s reactions as echoes of their assessment of themselves, and form their self-identity/image on account of their interpretations (Rochman 1). This also pertains to children who watch their parents’ behavior and view towards them, whether they think they are mature enough to make their own decision or will continue controlling them. Therefore, rooted in whether they perceive their parents’ treatment towards them as positively or negatively is how they will also perceive themselves (Faull 1). When parents portray love, involvement and responsiveness in their child’s likes from an early age, once they hit teenage-hood, they tend to achieve greater levels of self-esteem and self control. This comes with allowing the child to make some decisions in their life in order for them to feel important (Ginsburg 56). The more constructive the teenagers power to make decisions is, then better their view towards life will be, while a teenager who is restricted to make any vital decision for him or herself, then negative self-worth would have a much bitter attitude. Children’s from 15 to 18 years old want to have some kind of privacy and live in a manner and style, which they love (Faull 1). When parents always make vital decisions for their children, there is also likelihood that the children will not be persuaded by his parent’s rulings. For example, when a child wants to choose which university to go to education, his parents may choose for him one that is far away, for example in Europe, but the child may wish to go to one that is in America so that he would miss his former schoolmates or even his family members (Ginsburg 56). Therefore, the child may not work hard as needed to attain his parent’s goals because he will not be convinced and motivated by them. In the long run, they child might end up being in denial about everything in life (Faull 1). Parents have gone to the extent of forcing children to apply the decision they make for them (Schaefer 98). For instance, a father who wants his son to play soccer will go to the extent of signing his son up for a football team without asking them whether they wish to play soccer (Schaefer 98). A child at the age of 15 will surely have something that interests him or her; therefore, the parent should at least try to not the interest of his or her daughter and find a way that they could help the child further develop the interest (Ginsburg 56). Forcing the child to play soccer will make him wonder why the parent does not think that his or her preferences are not important for them. After that, the “I will never be good enough” thoughts start to arise causing the child to be stressed (Faull 1). Parents should simply be very loving, impulsive and understanding to their children. Doctors always tell parents that by trying to understand their children, they will go a long way to improve the childs self-esteem image and worth (Rochman 1). If they make wrong decisions, parents should at least give them hugs and tell them that they are still happy for them (Ginsburg 56). This will persuade the child to want to make the best decisions in order to impress their parent in anticipation of receiving more positive reception (Faull 1). Once this child hits adolescence, they will, at all time, put try their level best and will realize that, in any case, the parents will still be happy for them, which can be overly comforting. This will cause them to perceive any challenge in life positively rather than crying about what they do not have or how much their life is not worth it (Ginsburg 56). The only argument that can be argued towards letting parents control their children’s decision is that a majority of the children who a controlled till the later stage of teenage-hood to not fall prey to alcohol and drug abuse (Faull 1). However, those children who are allowed to make decisions at an early stage of their lives have fallen to the challenges of adolescence such as drug abuse, alcoholism and teenage sex among others. Nevertheless, as earlier discussed in this paper, it is all a matter of what proper parenthood (Ginsburg 56). A parent does not have to make the decisions of their children in order for them to grow up positively, but the parent should try and raise the child properly so that they can make constructive decisions in their life (Rochman 1). Conclusion This paper has shed more light into the debate as to when parents should let their children make the decisions in their lives. The vital age for letting children make the significant decisions in their lives is from 16 to 18. Children’s from 15 to 18 years old want to have some kind of privacy and live in a manner and style, which they love. When parents always make vital decisions for their children, there is also likelihood that the children will not be persuaded by his parent’s rulings. Teenagers, from the age of 15 to 18, normally have attained puberty and have became mature enough both mentally and physically, since their bodies and brains have developed enough. Thus, parents should grant their children the chance to make their own decisions. All parents need to do is raise their children properly so that they might be able to make constructive and not poor decisions in their lives. Works Cited Chua, Rand, E et al. "Dissociating Confidence and Accuracy: Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging Shows Origins of the Subjective Memory Experience". Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience 16.7 (2004): 1131–1142. Print. Faull, Jan. Unplugging Power Struggles. N.p, 2013. Web. Ginsburg, Kenneth R. Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings. New York : Oxford University Press, 2011. Print. Rochman, Bonnie. Hover No More: Helicopter Parents May Breed Depression and Incompetence in Their Children. N.p, 2013. Web. Schaefer, Dick. Choices and Consequences: What to Do When a Teenager Uses Alcohol/Drugs. London: Hazelden Publishing, 2013. Steinberg, Louise. "Risk Taking in Adolescence: New Perspectives". Brain and Behavioral Science 16.2 (2007): 55-59. Print. Read More