Grief and Loss of Personal Awareness - Research Paper Example

section/# Grief and Loss Section 5, instructions not met ie ", include potential transference and counter-transference reactions. Incorporate relevant course content about the grief process and the various theorists that relates to this self-examination". Errors in grammar through paper... 1. The first true experience that I had with respect to grief and loss took place at the tender age of seven. Of course, at this particular stage in my life, I was not familiar with the concept and idea of death. Moreover, the relationship that this abstract concept had to my life was all but nonexistent. I remember standing in the hallway of my house and seeing my mother enter the front door crying. My father of course moved to console her; however, even at such a young age I was clearly aware that something was terribly wrong. The reality of what was wrong should have been obvious. My grandfather had been terminally ill for quite some time; on several occasions my siblings and I had visited him in the hospital. I heard from my mother, my grandmother, and my father that the outlook for my grandfather’s condition was “not good”. My mother even went so far as to describe the need for me to prepare myself for “not having grandpa around anymore”. Of course, the insinuation that he would not always be alive was understood; however, the closeness of this particular concept of death and dying to my own immediate future was something that was very far removed. As my mother came into the house sobbing, I was instantly curious to know what might have caused her sudden change in attitude; as I remembered her in the morning hours as rather cheerful. Naturally, my father instantly knew what the issue was and moved to console her without even saying a word. As he did, the emotional breakdown of my mother experienced was even stronger; creating a situation in which my curiosity was halted by the fear that whatever it was that was troubling her might be extraordinarily severe. This level of severity is discussed at more depth in Browning & Solomon (2004); however, the manner through which it was felt in both my parents and myself seemed surprisingly uniform. However, I soon gained a bit of courage and finally had my voice heard when asking both of my parents what happened. Unable to speak, my mother turned and faced the door as she continued to sob. Taking this opportunity, my father knelt down on one knee and told me that my grandfather was no longer with us. I remember distinctly looking into my father’s eyes and asking him “what do you mean?”. Again, my father took the initiative and told me that my grandfather had passed away. Again, the confusion that was evident on my face encouraged my father to put it in the most blunt terms possible. He told me “your grandfather died this afternoon”. At the moment that I first heard this news, I remember that I did not understand the full complexity and depth, the finality, and the closure that this particular phrase meant for my own life; as well as the lives of my loved ones. Further, my emotional and physical reactions were almost entirely defined by the reactions that I saw take place between my mother and my father. With an emotional reference point of my mother, sobbing in complete hopelessness and sadness, I too began to cry. Hogan & DesSantis (1996) discuss this level of referred grief and the manner through which it is projected from one individual to another. Physically, I remember feeling an immediate fear of what we would do with my grandfather’s body and all the things that he loved. This was not out of a selfish motive, it was due to the fact that these without them. Furthermore, my mortal fear of corpses concerned me with how I would deal with the funeral. 2. As has previously been denoted, my mother responded the most visibly; with my father acting in the role of comforter. By acting as a caretaker and helping my mother through the hardship of losing her own father, an individual that she had quite obviously been very close to, the physical response that my father put forward was obviously not quite as visible as my mother’s; yet, this should not be understood to mean that my father was somehow aloof to the hardship and pain that losing his father-in-law entailed. Ultimately, the two of these men were quite close throughout the majority of their lives and my father took this news probably as hard as my mother. After the initial period of shock began to subside, my mother and my father began to pay a closer level attention with regards to how I was adjusting to the reality of my grandfather’s passing (Walter & McCoyd, 2009a). All this was of course very difficult for them due to the fact that they were also responsible for planning and organizing a very large funeral that was going to take place for my grandfather within the next several days. One of the most helpful things that my mother or my father did was to engage a level of understanding rather than doting on me. Naturally, the difficult nature of the passing of a loved one was not something that my parents could distract me from by promising and exciting outing or otherwise giving me something to look forward to. Instead, I remember my mother counseling me and stating that death was very much a part of life and the difficulty of going through this period allows individuals the opportunity to respect the memory of the loved one; as well as treasuring those individuals that are left within our lives to a more deep and complete degree. 3. Even though it is true that my family members had no idea what the Kubler-Ross model of the five stages of grief was, they manner through which they behaved during this time, and indeed the manner that I behaved, followed it strictly. The Kubler-Ross model of the five stages of grief may be defined as subsequent emotional levels of engagement that the human being initiates with regards to grief/loss. These are: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. For instance, within an identification of my own level agreed, the first stage was intrinsic upon the level of denial that I experienced. Secondly, a degree of anger and frustration with respect to this reality came to be presented; both in my own life and within the lives of those loved ones around me the same reality. Further, bargaining took place to the extent that I sought out a way in which this reality could somehow “go away”; as a result of the fact that my childhood innocence and the finality of death and the meaning that it impacted upon everyone was not yet fully understood. After these three leading stages had passed, depression and sadness began to overwhelming. Finally, as the funeral concluded and the reality of going forward without the loving figure of my grandfather in my life helped me to come to a level of acceptance with regards to the way in which the future would unfold (Walter & McCoyd, 2009c). It is without question that race, ethnicity, and philosophical perspectives play a very important role in categorizing and identifying issues related to loss and grief within a particular social setting. This was very much the case for me; due to the fact that my distinct ethnic and cultural perspectives as an African-American heavily impacted the way in which my family, and those that I knew well, integrated with and ultimately accepted the death of my grandfather. Firstly, it can be broadly stated that the African-American community is one that has felt the need for group identity, companionship, and togetherness; perhaps more so than any other ethnic group within the United States (Goelitz, 2001). Due to the hardships that had been faced in the past and the difficulties in integrating with the remainder of society, this particular ethnic group is one that displays a very high level of cohesion with regards to the experience of death and the need for an entire community of individuals to be there to support those that are bereaved (Richards & Folkman, 1997). Furthermore, the cultural, philosophical, and religious aspects of grief and bereavement were heavily impacted by the religious faith that my family ascribed to; Southern Baptist (Smith, 1995). Like many Christian denominations, believers within the Southern Baptist faith see death as a transitional stage. As such, death is a point in time in which the individual passes on from this life and is judged by Christ as either worthy of entering internal happiness within the kingdom of heaven or guilty of rejecting salvation and doomed to spend an eternity in hell (Walter & McCoyd, 2009b). Naturally, due to the fact that my grandfather was a regular churchgoer and had been saved many years ago, it was widely understood within the community of believers that the only possible outcome would be a situation in which my grandfather would be welcomed into the loving arms of Christ as he entered into heaven. This particular belief, and cultural/philosophical understanding, was what helped many of my family members keep hope and not fall into abject depression concerning this loss (Gutierrez, 1999). 4. The first funeral that I ever attended was that of my grandfather’s funeral. The greatest difficulty that I had in preparing myself for this particular funeral was the fear of death itself. At the young age of seven, I was terrified of the prospect of seeing the lifeless body of my grandfather lying in a casket. It was not the fear that he might suddenly come back to life and terrorize me, it was the reality that the body that was laying there was not really my grandfather. The rationale behind this has to do with the belief and understanding of the way in which a child’s mind develops a relationship with an individual. Ultimately, my grandfather had been an individual that was defined by what he did and how he spoke with me/how he interacted with me (Bourgeois & Johnson, 2010). Accordingly, seeing his lifeless body was terrifying to me due to the fact that I would be faced with the very cold fact that he would never again be able to do those things again. 5. The difficulty of going through such an experience at such a young age cannot and should not be understated. However, the reality of the fact is that the belief, understanding, and experience that I have thus far related is ultimately something that can be used with respect to interacting and working with the bereaved. The underlying rationale for this has to do with the fact that I have personally experienced grief, sadness, fear, anger, loss, and depression firsthand. Naturally, there are different dynamics to loss and the way in which individuals come to understand it; however, the main determinants that have thus far been described are ones that can broadly be understood to affect nearly each and every individual. Utilizing these realities and adapting the understandings that I have come to appreciate as a result of further psychological studies is a useful tool in helping to come to a baseline of engagement with any individual that faces issues of bereavement, depression, and the need to grieve and yet at the same time pick oneself up and continue on. Issues of transference and counter transference are relevant for discussion. The underlying reason for this has to do with the fact that even though the experience that has been denoted previously is useful with regards to creating a level of empathy with respect to individuals that might be experiencing loss, high levels of transference of these emotions and/or counter-transference may impede the form of social work that is being performed. Rather than anticipating the responses and integrating with the reality of what is being experienced, the social worker might fall into the trap of seeking to engage the individual based solely upon their own experiences; thereby reducing the efficiency of the integration in question. 6) If I use this experience and my subsequent psychological studies to leverage a more Freudian understanding of bereavement and loss, I will doubtless come to see this process in terms of the following: 1) freeing the bereaved from bondage to the deceased 2) readjustment to life and 3) building new relationships as the primary means of understanding. Similarly, integrating with the Kubler-Ross Model of the five stages of grief will see me understand this process in terms of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Further, understanding this process in terms of John Bowlby’s four stages would create a situation in which I integrate with bereavement and loss in terms of defining them based upon shock and numbness, yearning and searching, despair and disorganization, and finally re-organization and recovery (Gutierrez, 1999). The core fundamental that exists within each of these approaches is the fact that individuals are likely to approach grief in a variety of different manners. As such, being aware of these levels of grief integration and the means through which it is experienced can allow me to more effectively engage with stakeholders and attempt to counsel them as they undergo the trauma and hardship that defines the process of bereavement. Rather than coming to an academic and overly formulaic understanding of grief theory, the more applicable approach would be one that understands grief as a very diverse set of emotions that can be exhibited in a number of different ways, different stages, and at different times. In such a manner, leveraging one solitary theory amongst all individuals, cultures, religions, and socio-economic statuses will be ineffective in helping those involved. Instead, a level of understanding into the nuances of these aspects of personal understanding will need to be leveraged. References Bourgeois, S., & Johnson, A. (2004). Preparing for dying: Meaningful practices in palliative care. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 49(2), 99-107. Browning, D., & Solomon, M. (2004). The initiative for pediatric palliative care: An interdisciplinary educational approach for healthcare professionals. Journal of Pediatric Nursing, 20(5), 326-334. Goelitz, A. (2001). Nurturing life with dreams: Therapeutic dream work with cancer patients. Clinical Social Work Journal, 29(4), 375-385. Gutierrez, P. (1999). Suicidality in parentally bereaved adolescents. Death Studies, 23, 359-370. Hogan, N., & DeSantis, L. (1996). Basic constructs of a theory of adolescent sibling bereavement. In D. Klass, P. Silverman, & S. Nickman (Eds.), Continuing bonds: New understandings in grief (pp. 235-252). Philadelphia, PA: Taylor & Francis. Richards, T. A., & Folkman, S. (1997). Spiritual aspects of loss at the time of a partner’s death from AIDS. Death Studies, 21, 527-552. Smith, E. (1995). Addressing psycho-spiritual distress of death as reality: A transpersonal approach. Social Work, 40(3), 402-413. Walter, C., & McCoyd, J. (2009). Infancy and toddlerhood. In C. Walter & J. McCoyd (Eds.), Grief and loss across the lifespan: A biopsychosocial perspective (pp. 69-102). New York, NY: Springer. Walter, C., & McCoyd, J. (2009). Tweens and teens. In C. Walter & J. McCoyd (Eds.), Grief and loss across the lifespan: A biopsychosocial perspective (pp. 129-170). New York, NY: Springer. Walter, C., & McCoyd, J. (2009). Conclusions. In C. Walter & J. McCoyd (Eds.), Grief and loss across the lifespan: A biopsychosocial perspective (pp. 323-336). New York, NY: Springer. Read More