Myths And Truth About Love Relationships - Term Paper Example

Myths And Truth About Love Relationships Growing up, many people dream of the kind of love they’ve read about in fairytales, the kind that lives happily ever after. Very few people take the time to consider whether happily ever after can actually exist, or even if it actually exists in the stories they read. For most, the idea of love is associated with happiness, giddiness and feelings of ‘walking on air’ that mark the onset of love. “New love can look for all the world like mental illness, a blend of mania, dementia and obsession that cuts people off from friends and family and prompts out-of-character behavior - compulsive phone calling, serenades, yelling from rooftops - that could almost be mistaken for psychosis” (Carey, 2005). What most don’t usually consider is that love is a much deeper and more complex emotion than the Disney storybooks, or perhaps any storybooks, can convey. Brain scans conducted in studies on love prove that the euphoria of new love does fade with time as it makes its transition from an animal-like reaction to a conscious connection (Carey, 2005). These changes in the nature of love are easily reflected in the literature of the ages as well as in the arts from cultures spanning the globe. It can be seen, for example, in the ancient arts of the Central Americas, the Elizabethan art of Europe’s most famous playwright William Shakespeare, the late Victorian American writer Edith Wharton and modern poet Robert Creeley. Very little is known about the piece the de Young Museum of Fine Arts refers to only as “Joined Male and Female.” As a part of the shaft tomb culture of Western Mexico, it is acknowledged that much of the information that might have been discovered about this particular piece is now lost. “Nearly all of the artifacts associated with this shaft tomb tradition have been discovered by looters and are without provenance, making dating problematic” (Wapedia, 2009). The work was created sometime between 300 BC and 300 AD. This time period in Western Mexico was characterized by potentially several cultures that all shared a common characteristic of digging long vertical shafts that end in small burial rooms in which grave goods such as the “Joined Male and Female” were discovered. The piece depicts an old man with an old woman bent over him, seeming to kiss his cheek. Other than this touching embrace, the piece contains very little symbolism. “Unlike those of other Mesoamerican cultures such as the Olmec and the Maya, shaft tomb artifacts carry little to no iconography and so are seemingly bereft of symbolic or religious meaning” (Wapedia, 2009). The piece does share some specific characteristics with the Ixtlan del Rio figurines. “These abstract figurines have flat, squarish bodies with highly stylized faces complete with nose rings and multiple earrings” (Wapedia, 2009). In spite of their somewhat ghoulish appearance, the figures seem tender and sad. The slanted eyes are downturned at the outer edges and the couple seems to be engaged in a last tender kiss before they enter the silence of the grave. It may be presumed that for this piece, the man was the first to go as he sits on the ground, one leg seemingly atrophied and the woman stands over him in sorrow and strength. In this depiction, love is clearly expressed as a mature emotion, a common need between two people sharing connected souls. The figurine seems to suggest the idea that this kind of mature love is something that cannot be separated or pulled apart, following both husband and wife to the grave. Hundreds of years later and on another continent, William Shakespeare made a name for himself because of his strong understanding of the changing nature of love from new love to mature love. In his play A Midsummer Night’s Dream, he uses several characters to illustrate this understanding. Through the characters of Hermia and Lysander, he illustrates the idea of new love while Titania and Oberon demonstrate mature love. Although Hermia wants to marry Lysander, her father wishes her to marry Demetrius, apparently for no other reason than to assert his own authority. Because of his inconstancy toward her cousin Helena, any emotion that springs up between Hermia and Demetrius is founded on nothing resembling her conception of a pure love. The apparent purity of new love between Hermia and Lysander is brought into question though with the application of Oberon’s pansy-juice causing Lysander to change his mind about who he loves. Because he doesn’t forget his past love for Hermia, this calls into question the strength of even the purist love to resist the course of life events. Although these two young people finish the play by getting married, Shakespeare has demonstrated how even the most ardent, pure and innocent new love can be quickly and easily damaged by a change in the wind. This is markedly different from the constancy brought about by the change into mature love. As contrast to new love, Shakespeare brings in the characters Titania and Oberon, fairies who have been married for long ages already. While the simple fact that they are still together should testify to the constancy of love, their bitter squabbling is echoed in the poor weather of the country and illustrates the absence of love in a relationship well-aged. “Their squabbling is trivial: a dispute over Titania’s ‘changling’ boy whom Oberon desires … The comparison between the two worlds is even more ironically exact when Oberon accuses Titania of an improper interest in Theseus; while she in turn accuses him of harboring base thought about Hippolyta” (Taylor 263). To settle the dispute, Oberon resorts to tricking his wife into succumbing to his wishes before he will permit her to be restored to her normal exalted state. “The quarrel between Oberon and Titania for possession of the Indian boy clearly represents a contention for mastery, Oberon asserting his male supremacy … and Titania insisting, in her turn, on matriarchal rule. If Oberon were to submit and allow Titania to retain the boy … he would acknowledge the matriarchal rule, very much as Cupid does, so long as he lies wounded, virtually a prisoner in his mother’s palace” (McPeek, 1972: 74). Through this portrayal, Shakespeare seems to be indicating that even in marriages grown heavy with age, there is no excess of love being expressed as each character tends to think only of their own wishes and contrives against the other to gain the upper hand. However, this squabbling can also be seen as an expression of jealousy on the part of Oberon as he becomes concerned that his wife has lost interest in him and only relents when she becomes willing to part with her new interest to return to their wedded arrangement. Edith Wharton focused more upon the concepts of love as it was viewed by society as compared to how it was felt by the individuals in her novel Age of Innocence. This story tells the tale of the doomed romance of Newland Archer and Countess Olenska. Members of the upper classes of New York society of her age were believed to behave according to a specific code of ideal behavior. Wharton depicts the struggle of Newland and Ellen to comply with the social expectations of their class against their internal struggle of new love. Newland’s marriage with May was seen as a perfect match in the eyes of his society. As was expected of a member of the upper class, May projected herself before her society in a manner which was deemed acceptable and ideal to the other members of this class. Newland is content with May as his future wife until the arrival of the Countess Olenska. The Countess was separated from her husband and had recently moved to America from Europe. As Newland tries to convince Ellen to avoid divorcing her husband, he develops a liking for her peculiarity and an attraction to her. Fearing that his attraction for Ellen would turn into love, Newland hastens his marriage with May. As Newland is attempting to run from his attraction to Ellen, Ellen is realizing that she also loves Newland. However, she refrains from having a relationship with him in recognition of the scrutinizing eyes of their society and its social code. Even after his loveless marriage to May, Newland is unable to suppress his feelings for the countess. Finally overcoming his fear of denying the social order that he grew up with, Newland persuades Ellen to consummate their relationship, but this anticipated tryst is abruptly called off with Ellen’s sudden decision to return to Europe. Newland is only called back to reality and the need to conform to expectations with May’s announcement that she is pregnant. Although he may be able to ignore the rules for his own welfare, he realizes that he must conform to expectations for the sake of his children. Owing to the pressures of his society, Newland sacrifices his love for Ellen and continues to lead a loveless life with May at the same time that Ellen sacrifices her love for Newland and returns to a loveless life in Europe thus revealing the deeper elements of mature love that can and does makes sacrifices for the good of others. Within the more modern age, these same issues of mature love, or lack of it, continue to appear in literature such as the modern poetry of Robert Creeley in his poem “A Marriage.” In this poem, Creeley puts forward the idea that marriage, as it was in Wharton’s story, is actually an expression of the death of love rather than a transition into mature love. Imagery is used in the first stanza as the poet presents the wedding band as a form of retainer. A retainer is a kind of restraint that forces something to remain in place. Creeley says the golden wedding ring was only “the first retainer,” forcing the reader to see the ring as a leash. The tone is established throughout the poem as the information is presented. The second stanza should give an impression of passionate love-making as it is presumably occurring on the wedding night, but instead it seems somewhat cold. It is labeled as the second restraint the male character placed on the female character and she, again, has no active part in the action. He just wakes up, leans over and kisses her without any consideration for what she might want. Creeley’s use of language as a means of conveying his idea of marriage can be seen best in the last stanza when he makes his audience think. The order that he gives to the man’s actions – he dies, then he gives up loving, then he lives with her – makes it clear that the character’s death was not literal but emotional. Although his couple presumably loves each other at the beginning of the poem, they are seen as emotionless zombies by the end. If one reads the poem a little closer, it seems the reason this marriage has lost its passion is because of the restraints that have been placed on the characters, removing the exciting mystique of new love and he loses interest in his inability to transition to mature love. Love is a very complex emotion that does suffer some changes over time. This has been proven in scientific studies using MRI brain scanning techniques as well as in the studies of human behavior that have been carried out by artists and authors throughout time and space. Within this context, it can be seen that there are two basic stages of love, each offering various levels of development and transition. Essentially, these stages are new love which occurs on an unthinking level and mature love which occurs on a deeper yet more conscious level. While new love drives numerous chemical reactions in the brain, mature love represents a blending of souls. Whether one is discussing the ancient art of the Mexican territory, the Elizabethan art of the Bard or the modern art of the new age, these concepts continue to be brought forward, consistently demonstrating these changes. Works Cited Creeley, Robert. Poems. Poets. Poetry. Ed. Helen Vendler. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2002: 581 and 453. “Joined Male and Female.” December 8, 2010 McPeek, James A. “The Psyche Myth and A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” Shakespeare Quarterly. Vol. 23, N. 1, (Winter 1972): 69-79. Shakespeare, William. A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The Complete Pelican Shakespeare. New York: Penguin Classics, 1969. Taylor, Michael. “The Darker Purpose of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” Studies in English Literature, 1500-1900. Vol. 9, N. 2, Elizabethan and Jacobean Drama (Spring 1969): 259-273. Wapedia. “Western Mexico Shaft Tomb Tradition.” (2009). December 8, 2010 Wharton, Edith, Regina Barreca and Judith Saunders. The Age of Innocence. Signet Classics, 2008. Read More