We Need to Be Real and Say What We Actually Mean - Research Paper Example

What You Want As I reflect on my academic and professional careers thus far, I can gather a collection of what peersand colleagues have said, done and expressed in a manner that was particularly significant to me. More importantly, I can also gather a collection of what I have said, done and expressed in a manner that is particularly significant to someone else. This reflection has only helped me have a better understanding of social life and how to positively impact on others. The most important lesson I have learnt from my reflection is that it is more fruitful to be good unto others because positive intentions help all grow socially and morally. Through this paper, I will share my life experience from my own perspective of being in a country that has a mixture foreign students and professionals from different cultural, religious and ethnic backgrounds. This will be done in relation to the concepts highlighted in The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery by Don Miguel Ruiz, Don Jose Ruiz and Janet Mills. Humans are unique basing on how they were brought up, cultural background, religion, education level and a myriad of many other factors. However, we are all humans and our brothers’ keepers. I have previously been both hurt and encouraged by the words of others towards me and also hurt others by my words towards them. This has a direct bearing with the book The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery. In their first agreement, Ruiz, Ruiz and Mills (38) urge readers to be impeccable with their word. On the contrary, I have seen students from my years in schools and employees in my professional career suffer emotionally and psychologically from what a colleague said recklessly. This was mainly through stereotypes that people have against different cultures, ethnicities or even races. This remains a major problem both among individuals and societies because they do not want to seek out the truth first before openly airing their views but rather, only rely on age-old stereotypes. While The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery teaches that people should speak with integrity and only say what they mean, the opposite is being done. I now realize that the perpetrators should have taken their time to learn more about their targets. This will contribute in mutual social cohesion and avoid hurting others. For example, I was once told in school that I was not fit to sit at a certain table in the cafeteria because of my ethnicity, yet it was the only one with space and I ended up eating standing. The humiliation even affected my academic grades. My academic career was hurt for reasons I could not change or influence. Reflecting on this, I realize that no one chose their ethnicity and therefore have no right to use it to decide how to treat others. Initially, people fail to say what they mean so as to cover their weaknesses and end up using their word to demean those with greater abilities than them. This does not reflect the notion of using the word only for truth and love by Ruiz, Ruiz and Mills. On my part, I realize that I should not have taken their words personally because they only humiliated me because I performed better academically than they did, yet I was supposed to be from a minority background. Reflecting on this, I realize the truth in Ruiz’s, Ruiz’s and Mills’ teaching that whatever other do is not because of me, but rather they are projecting their own reality. The majority-culture students were only intimidated by my better grades that they sought other means of showing their own perceived superiority. Further, I realize that had I been immune to their words, I would not have suffered a temporary setback in my academics. This also applies to them. Had they been immune to unfounded stereotypes, we could probably had been in the same study group and helped each other with our studies instead of suffering needlessly. Clearly, stereotyping had cultivated hatred in them. I now realize that you cannot give or teach others what you also lack. I reacted to their words with anger and depression and that only worked against me. Love and tolerance was what was needed and I should have taken the initiative of remaining friendly to them and try to make them understand that we really weree not different. On the contrary, I was broken to the point of nearly believing them and actually accepting that I was inferior and we drove ourselves to hating each other. That was the wrong assumption I made and as Ruiz, Ruiz and Mills (69) point out, I lacked the courage to express what I really wanted in school. Rather than seeking help from fellow students or faculty members, I went into my own world of mourning. I did not welcome offers of comfort, which only heightened my sadness. Clearly, that was not what I had enrolled in the school for. Finally, with the steady decline in grades, I was summoned by a panel of faculty members. After several minutes of their efforts to find out what was happening with my performance, I finally realized that my own assumptions were the cause of the poor academic show. Out of a panel of five, none was of my ethnicity or cultural background, yet their probing seemed so genuine that I was convinced that they actually wanted to help. At that point, as I now realize, I acknowledged the fact it is wrong to assume that every other person not of my ethnicity was out to harm me. We communicated, the other students were also spoken to, although in a different forum in order to protect me, and the negative words directed towards me actually reduced. In fact, I can relate both mine and their academic improvement to the earlier agreement by Ruiz, Ruiz and Mills (69) that nothing is done by others because of you. I realized that I was not performing poorly because of them and they also realized that they were not performing poorly because of me. The simple step of not taking assumptions, therefore, transformed our lives. Even in my present professional world, I notice that many people are suffering like I did in school because they place so much of their fate in other peoples’ hands. That is wrong because people are not stepping up for themselves. This is not to say that they should always be in confrontations, but they must learn how to be responsible for themselves without offending others. Ideally, I have come to believe that if we focus positive energy on other regardless of physical attributes, it bounces right back. As Ruiz, Ruiz and Mills (86) point out, it is critically important in life to always do your best, although what is considered “best” is dynamic and relative to certain circumstances. Pointing back to my school days, I was so blinded by the stereotype being directed toward me that at some point I actually judged myself by those standards. That was a critical mistake. The standards I used on myself were those the perpetrators of the stereotype had set, which means they placed me exactly where they wanted. Since I eventually got over the problem and regained my normal performance, I know I was not doing my best at the moment my grades dipped. However, that dip in performance had its toll on my transcript that I will always live with. This kind of occurrence is uncalled for and something I could have avoided had I simply done my best and avoided judging myself by others. In the professional world, I have seen colleagues bribing their way up the organizational ladder only not to match their new responsibilities. Sadly, that is simply because their peers were promoted on merit and not them, which compelled them to use all means to “be together”. After failing to live up to expectation, one was demoted with the only option being leaving the job. It also happened that he came under my direct supervision, and he was the most difficult employee to supervise. However, I have matured over the years, and I am not about to put any one back to what I have suffered before. He is full of anger, throws violent tantrums when corrected and actually gets verbally abusive, painfully reminding me of my ethnicity. However, I always remain patient with him and always answer politely. When I talk to him, I mean all I say and I am always positive. Ruiz, Ruiz and Mills (97) teach readers to be skeptical but also, more importantly, learn to listen. I understand that I once almost allowed an incident in school ruin my academic career and possibly professional career. Now that I know that people will talk even maliciously only to get you where they rather than you want, I realize it is imperative to question even seemingly genuine words and gestures. As a supervisor at work, a colleague who was a close friend to my demoted team members asked me to sign a gate pass for an unusually late delivery. However, what caught my attention more was his extra courteous behavior, yet he had lately been rude and aggressive towards me. Instantly, I realized something was amiss. It was actually a plan to get me to authorize a consignment of unfinished goods and their assumption was that since it was late, I would not risk further delays by inspecting. My skepticism saved me because I insisted on inspecting and found the goods were unfinished. Not everyone who seems courteous actually is, especially suddenly after behaving otherwise. In conclusion, my reflection teaches me that we cannot change what is real, especially if it is for the purpose of suiting selfish interests. Just like The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery teaches, we need to be real and say what we actually mean. The truth has always been and will remain the objective. If people, and that means starting from myself, can live life for who they are and not put others in unwarranted situations, such positive deeds and words would work for mutual benefit within the society. Before I judge anyone else, I need to consider where they place me and how they would react to any initiative I take regarding my relation to them. That would be more effective in creating more beneficial relations between us than if I had placed my own interests before theirs. The uniqueness of humans can be more appreciated when understood, rather than used as the basis of prejudice when viewed from unconfirmed sources such as stereotype. In the modern society, it is worth acknowledging that cultures are not only being preserved by believers but also being altered by contemporary trends. An understanding and, more importantly, respect for individual views would make the world a better place for everyone. Works Cited Ruiz, Miguel, Jose Luis Ruiz, and Janet Mills. The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self- Mastery. Carlifornia: Amber-Allen, 2010. Print. Read More