My Familys Culture and Traditions - Assignment Example

My Family’s Culture and Traditions My childhood memories have left a great impact on me now that I am an adult. Living with a big family was sometimes chaotic but with 3 boys and 2 girls plus both our parents enveloped with love and understanding, joy was abundant. For this paper, I will recount our family’s routines and patterns of behaviours that reflected the values we uphold as a family, specifically, the values of love, support and equality. I clearly remember, at 6:00 every weekday morning, alarm clocks ring in our bedrooms. As my siblings and I come down to the kitchen, dressed for school, we see our mother busily preparing breakfast for all of us. Like in any other family, this is the time when everyone is in a hurry as we race around the house to get what we need for school. Our parents, on the other hand, prepare for work. Our father drops us off in school before going to the office. Mother is left at home as she cleans up the mess we have left behind before she herself goes to work. We all have our own different schedules during the day. After school, my siblings and I proceed to our own activities – ballet, art class, violin lesson and karate class. We all have a full day before assembling back home when we arrive at different times. We children rest in front of the television or take a nap in our rooms, then do our chores and homework. We take turns helping out in the kitchen as our parents prepare dinner. Even they, take turns cooking dinner with Mom cooking on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and Dad cooking on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On weekends, we all pitch in cooking our meals or eat out. We have usually have dinner together at 7:30. At the dinner table, everyone shares what happened to them during the day. We make it a point to balance our Up times and our Down times referring to the good and bad things that happened to us. Sometimes, our talks are serious, but most of the time, we laugh and have fun with each other’s company. The dinner conversations we have keep us all updated with each other’s lives. I remember regarding dinner time with my family as the highlight of my day. After dinner, my siblings and I clean up and do the dishes before going back to our homework or whatever activity we choose. Before going to sleep, we make it a point to kiss and hug our parents good night and exchange “I love you’s”. We each have mom-and-me as well as dad-and-me one-on-one dates at least once a month apart from the times we go out as a family. We either have lunch or dinner, shop, go bowling, watch a show or anything else we want to do at that time. These “bonding” moments help our parents know us deeply as individuals. Family Roles All of the members of my family play different roles. Parents work to earn their livelihood as well as use their knowledge and skills in helping others. They both make it a point to prioritize us, their children. Their main role, especially our mother, was as caregiver to the family and homemaker. My siblings and I go to school to be educated and to develop and hone our skills. Extra-curricular activities are encouraged by our parents. We pursue activities that we are interested in without any bias. Our parents set aside a budget for these activities and lessons. They never dictated to us which classes to enrol in. We were not constrained in our choices or in what society expects from girls and boys. There was a time when the boys in our brood took up cooking lessons and the girls took up archery and Karate, activities which were not usually associated with our genders. My siblings and I were used to being the minority gender in some classes we took but somehow, it was not an issue for us. Our parents supported our interests and were excited for us when we excel at it. They are our number one fans. Although we lived comfortably, we were not spared from doing chores. All of us were trained to do all kinds of chores – cleaning, repairing, cooking, laundry, cooking, etc. We had our turns in the kitchen, experimented with recipes and discovered new ingredients. It was not surprising that the best cook among us was our youngest brother. Girls were not spared from learning skills associated as ‘men’s jobs’. Our father taught everyone how to repair switches or change car tires or tighten loose screws. All of us were familiar with the tools he uses in his workshop. As our main caregivers, our parents did a great job. There was a time when our father quit his job for a principle he stood for, so he had the opportunity to be a stay-home dad for a month before he started working for another company. During that time, he made coming home from school a most anticipated event. He would have snacks prepared for us and even bought some new video games for us to try with him. Sometimes, he would pick us up from school, make us skip our after-school activities and just take us out for ice cream before fetching our mother at work. We enjoyed those times with Dad and felt a little disappointed when he had to go back to work. However, we understood that he needed to work not only to support our family’s needs but for his own self-esteem and confidence. To her credit, our mother was faultless in her care-giving duties. She knew all our food and taste preferences and adjusted it accordingly. For our Dad, she lessened the salt and sugar due to health reasons, and for us kids, she made flavours richer. She made sure we had everything we needed and anticipated when our supplies would run out. One summer, she went on a vacation with her friends for a week. She prepared everything for us beforehand, and organized a schedule for all of us in her absence –our chores, the summer courses we attended, our menu, shopping list, etc. We missed her terribly during that time because we were accustomed to having her there whenever we needed her, but we managed, with the help of her organized planning. Although our home was mostly noisy with bickering, teasing, cheering and laugher, we all knew fun should be balanced with the seriousness of life. Our parents, being co-captains, made sure they have a tightly-run ship. Theoretical Analysis 1. Order Theory: Attachment Theory by John Bowlby Bowlby’s Attachment Theory (1969) posits that a person’s real relationships in the earliest stages of life shape his or her survival functions as he or she grows and develops throughout the life span. He conceptualized four kinds of attachment styles, namely: Proximity Maintenance; Safe Haven; Secure Base; and Separation Distress (Cherry, 2014). Proximity Maintenance refers to one’s need to be with someone he or she is attached to. Safe Haven describes the tendency to return to the object of attachment for safety and comfort in times of distress. Secure Base considers the attachment figure as a necessary element in the foundation of his or her security, with such a strong base, he or she can explore the surrounding environment. Finally, Separation Distress is the emotion experienced when the attachment figure is absent. Bowlby contended that secure attachments to significant people are formed early in life. Knowing that the attachment figure will always be available to them whenever needed develops trust and confidence in that person. Having a constant source of support aids in the child’s development of courage and self-esteem to explore life and face whatever challenges thrown at them without any fear. My siblings and I have been fortunate to have had secure attachments to our parents who served as strong anchors in our growth and development. As soon as we wake up in the morning until the time we go back to sleep at night, they have always been reliable in addressing our needs. Food was ready on the table by the time we get hungry. Our daily routines were well-established and organized. Our parents were present at times when we need to share our memorable experience. They are always available when we, as a family, want to build memories. It is not surprising that my siblings and I want to always be with them because it is there where we feel safest. It is as if nothing bad will happen when they are around. However, even when they are physically absent, they have already imparted in us a sense of security that we will be alright. This was with the steady assistance of their organizational skills and hovering support for each one of us. That is why we are unafraid to try new things. We have had the privilege of learning a variety of skills through the stream of classes and workshops and membership in different clubs in the pursuit of our multiple interests. Our dinner times were moments when we report on our day and the results of our mini escapades in our young lives. Separation distress is still likely to happen when our parents are not around. We were saddened by our father’s return to work after a whole month of being constantly available to us to spend bonding sessions with. He was terribly missed during the day but that just made his nightly homecoming much sweeter. The same was true when Mom went on a vacation for a week. We would always look for her first thing in the morning only to realize in her place was a list of things to do for the day. Still, we managed despite the ache of longing for her because she and our father equipped us with independence skills to help us survive on our own. 2. Conflict Theory: Ecological Systems Theory by Urie Brofenbrenner Brofenbrenner (1979) contended that there are many different ecological spheres of influence that children deal with. His Ecological Model explains that the behavior and development of an individual is an interplay of the individual’s biological and personality factors, his environment and the society and culture he was born into. Brofenbrenner also claims that effects of interactions between the individual and his environment are two-directional or characterized by reciprocity. The growing child moves through five systems that inter-relate and affect his development. Each sphere is related to the other, as one change in a system ripples through the others, directly or indirectly affecting the child. The microsystem is where direct contacts between the child and his immediate surroundings result in behaviours such as dependence or independence and cooperation or competition. An example of this is the home base of the child and his relationship with his family. The pure culture of the society this family lives in greatly influences how this family lives and how the child imbibes the values of his family as he expresses it in his developing personality. Other structures in the microsystem include the school, neighbourhood or childcare environments (Paquette & Ryan, 2001) The mesosystem comprises the linkages and processes that take place between two or more settings with the child in common. A perfect example is how learning in school is supported by activities in the home. The third level comprising linkages and processes taking place between two or more settings is the exosystem. This includes at least one setting that does not directly involve the child, but still influences the processes within the immediate setting of the child (Berk, 2000). An example is the parent’s occupation. The workplace of this parent does not contain the child, but processes at work may affect his development such as the hours spent there by the parent may affect the parent-child bond. The fourth and outermost layer in the child’s environment is the macrosystem which includes the customs, values and laws considered important in the child’s culture and upbringing (Paquette & Ryan, 2001). The prevailing values and principles of the macrosystem have cascading influences in the interactions within the other layers of the ecological system. One example is society’s regard for gender equality. If it advocates that men are superior to women, then such belief may be carried down to all the other systems, and behaviours would be geared to prioritizing males over females in some aspects of life. Finally, the chronosystem refers to the time that transpires as the child relates in his various environments. An example is the change that happens to the child while he grows up moving from one system to another. As he gets older, his reactions to environmental changes may differ and he becomes more in a position to make the necessary adjustments to it. In my family’s ecological system, our parents held on to their principle that everyone is equal regardless of age or gender, which is opposed to the prevailing values in the Middle East, where we come from. The macrosystem in our culture puts women in a lower position that they are constrained in their activities. It is not culturally acceptable for women to pursue a career dominated by men, and gender roles are very much delineated. However, in my family’s microsystem, this is not the case. Our parents instilled in us the principles of equality as my siblings and I were given opportunities to pursue our own interests no matter if they are related to activities for the opposite gender. In our microsystem, boys were taught feminine skills like cooking and house cleaning and were enrolled in dance or cooking classes in the mesosystem if that was their preference. Girls were taught masculine skills such as tinkering with tools for house repairs and enrolled in Karate or Archery classes which are associated more with boys. Our exosystem included our parents’ jobs. Both parents worked. Our mother had a career of her own outside the home. When our father lost his job, it affected us in a positive way because he was comfortable caring for the home at a time when he was jobless. Over time, or chronosystem reflected our family’s steadfast commitment to each other and our values. Reflection This assignment has made me even more grateful for having been raised in a very supportive family. My parents have done an amazing job allowing our individualities to shine. They have ensured us that they will always be there to support us no matter what happens. Our strong attachment to them helped keep order in our family’s growth and development as a system. Conflicts with societal values with regards to gender equality were not an issue with our family. It was because of our parents’ strong beliefs that regardless of gender we can follow our dreams that my siblings and I were successful in becoming the people we have always wanted to be. Since I have been empowered by my family traditions’ influences on my own value system, I do intend to follow suit with my own family. Reading about the different theories on order and conflict and understanding my own family traditions have made me more knowledgeable about families and aware that family issues may be resolved upon understanding its origins. It makes me more confident in understanding family dynamics. References Berk, L. E. (2000). Child development (5th ed.). Needham Heights, MS: Allyn & Bacon. Bowlby, J. (1969) Attachment. Attachment and Loss:  Vol. 1. Loss. New York: Basic Books. Bronfenbrenner, U. (1979). The ecology of human development: Experiments by nature and design. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. Cherry, K. (2014) Attachment Styles, retrieved on February 12, 2014 from http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/ss/attachmentstyle.htm Pacquette, D. & Ryan, J. (2001) Brofenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory, Retrieved on February 10, 2014 from www.cms-kids.org Read More