Issues in Human Sexuality Unit 4 - Essay Example

Along with all the wonders, the unlimited opportunities and vast exposure of knowledge, the internet has also brought with it bad and detrimental things, one of which is cybersex. The Internet has "introduced unprecedented dynamics into marital relationships: never before has it been so easy to enjoy both the stability of marriage and the thrills of the dating scene at the same time". Among the 649 million users of internet all around the world, there are many men and women visiting chat rooms day and night in order to satisfy their sexual needs. The chat rooms offer them "unlimited, consecutive hours of real-time contact where the process of revealing oneself is accelerated". Users very often quickly reveal sexual fantasies, intimate secrets and talk about personal and marital problems (Mileham, 2004). Clearly, this is dangerous and can be very harmful. But is it cheating? There are contradictory opinions regarding this. Those who are in favor of cybersex claim that it cant be defined as cheating because there is no physical contact between the two people having the cybersex, they are only typing and masturbating. Others also say that cybersex is like porn- you do it in order to please yourself, but you dont actually have any contact with others for sex purposes. They claim it is just visual harmless fun. But those who oppose it and claim cybersex is a form of cheating have overwhelming claims, based primarily on logic. When a person is in a monogamous relationship, the one he is with is supposed to be the only with whom he is having an intimate, emotional and sexual relationship. A monogamous relationship means committing to only one person, sharing things with him and experience things with him- and with him alone. If a person is encountering another person for the sake of satisfying his sexual or emotional needs, it doesnt matter that there is no actual physical connection- it is cheating, because it is betraying in the other person that is in the relationship. While this isnt physical cheating, it is an emotional one. This is enhanced due to the fact that the person having cybersex reveals to a complete stranger her innermost hidden sexual fantasies and private feelings and emotions, sometimes revealing information about him and his spouse. This is definitely a situation that portrays betrayal of the person in his spouse, and consequently can most certainly be defined as cheating. As far as those who claim that cybersex is harmless visual fun like porn, there is a significant difference between cybersex and porn- whereas in porn the person gains pleasure out of watching photos or a movie, in cybersex the person has contact with an actual living person in real-time, and gains pleasure from the interaction between him and the other person, that leads to self touching. In a study performed by a reporter at the University of Florida, she interviewed married men and women who regularly go into chat rooms for all kinds of activities. A full 30 percent of these people had had actual affairs with people they had met online. Only 17 percent admitted that online liaisons can be regarded as infidelity, but they felt that it is a weaker form of betrayal. Participants of the survey claimed that it couldnt be defined as cheating since theres no kissing or touching and the other person is 1,000 miles away (Mileham, 2004). What is intriguing is that these people keep secrecy about these actions of their online, and almost in all cases the spouses dont know about this. The subsequent question is obvious: if cybersex isnt cheating, why do those who perform it feel compelled to hide it from their spouses? They do it because they want to leave a part of their life private, secretive and just for them. But due to the nature of this, because theyre channeling or deflecting sexual and/or emotional energy from their marriage to other places, this is cheating. Also, if the spouses found out about it, it is most probable that they would end the relationship- because theyll be hurt, betrayed, feel that theyve been cheated. This is an important empirically based argument. A survey completed by 94 men and women whose spouses engaged in cybersex reveals that upon learning of their spouses online sexual activities, they felt "hurt, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, devastation, loneliness, shame, isolation, humiliation, jealously, and anger, as well as a loss of self esteem" (Schneider, 2000), the exact same feelings one feels after having been cheated. These people also declare their spouses activities as cheating. This empirically based argument is one of the strongest ones of those who are against cybersex and who claim that it is cheating. Furthermore, the majority of people, 64% of women and 58% of men, believe that cybersex is cheating. They make various claims, such as: that the intent of having sex with someone and the action itself, despite the fact that it is online, means infidelity; any activity which involves secrecy and lies, especially given the sexual nature of it, is betrayal, and hence is also cheating; if someone found a correspondence between his spouse and another person, he will feel very betrayed and hurt, just like in a case of a physical betrayal- this means that it is equal to physical cheating ("Is Cybersex Cheating?", 2000). In conclusion, though it is claimed by some that cybersex cant be defined as cheating because theres no actual physical contact, the activity is done in order to please oneself while having continual and live contact with another person, with whom the person shares intimate secrets and sexual fantasies which are then sometimes performed. The whole sexual nature of the activity is wrong and is equal to physical infidelity. The people doing it are deflecting their sexual and emotional energies for the cybersex, which is carefully hidden from their spouses. They keep this part of their lives in secret, because they know that if their spouses find out about it, theyll treat it like it really is- cheating! References "Is Cybersex Cheating?" (2000). Cosmopolitan, Vol. 229 (Issue 4), p. 74. Mileham, B.L.M (2005). "Cheating by Chatting". Hispanic, Vol. 17 (Issue 3), p. 28. Schneider, J.P (2000). Effects of Cybersex Addiction on the Family: Results of a Survey. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, Vol. 7 (Issue 1), p. 31-58. Read More