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How to get fired - Essay Example

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The road leading on to Hell is paved with good intentions; the road leading from hired to fired has huge gaps in the place of employee qualities such as Direct, Discreet and Disciplined – gaps that are a hundred percent guaranteed to get you the boot or your money back.
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How to get fired
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Download file to see previous pages As you’re being shown the ropes, be sure to pull out that bottle of whisky or vodka and flash it around amicably – drink to everyone’s health and inform them all sweetly about how you need your daily tipple to really get going. Ask a lot of silly questions, the kind that even a ten year old would be ashamed to ask. The objective here is to demonstrate your utter lack of competence for the job you’ve been hired for, so plant those seeds of doubt liberally in your supervisor’s mind. And thirdly, be sure to leave early. Tell them you have a hot date, or yawn loudly and say you’re too bored to hang around any longer and leave.
What? Still not fired? Well, don’t lose hope, lots of options are still open. Remember those tools I mentioned? Let’s take the last one first – blogsphere. Be sure to enter blogsphere with lots of ultra specific details on your personal blog about your Company. This is the place to mention anything and everything you don’t like about your boss and if the details you furnish are good enough to identify him or her, so much the better, especially if it’s a place your boss visits too. Waste lots of company time on your personal blog and let your work pile up. The chances of getting fired are directly proportional to the lack of discipline you display.
Now let’s say your boss is a patient person and prepared to give you a chance. So you get a warning – but that’s it. Then it’s time to pull out the second tool – lies. The aim of the mission is to antagonize the boss by proving exactly how untrustworthy you are. Make personal calls from your office phone, gossip for hours with your friends or co-workers and then lie blatantly when the boss questions you – say that you were engaged in company business. If he or she tries to be pleasant to you and cracks a few jokes, do not laugh at any of them even if your funny bone is ...Download file to see next pagesRead More
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