Doing What Matters by Phillip C. McGraw - Book Report/Review Example

Lifestyle Change Project/Doing what matters by Phillip C. McGraw, Chapters 12, 13 and 14 Chapter 12 Summary Planning an effective life strategy begins with knowing where one is and where one wants to go. In other words, a diagnosis of one’s life is necessary for knowing where one is and where one wants to go. It is therefore important to know one’s “current situation” and to be able to identify and understand the problems that impede progress (McGraw 1999, p. 228). Since life itself is multi-dimensional, specificity in terms of diagnosing one’s life will have to be narrowed down into categories. The most important categories are “personal, professional, relationships, family and spiritual” (McGraw 1999, 229). While these categories may overlap, they do each occupy a separate space in one’s life. A self-assessment of each category provides a method for self-awareness. It becomes an exercise in which one truly becomes self-acquainted. This self-assessment exercise can be compared to the practice of self-discovering through meditation in eastern civilizations. However, for self-assessment to be effective, honesty will have to be employed because it is no use organizing an exercise in self-discovery based on a “phony fiction” (McGraw 1999, p. 232). This self-assessment exercise requires asking tough questions and at this stage, not looking for solutions. These questions involve self-examination and engage inquiries into the mindset and attitude of the individual in situations. Some of the questions ask, am I judgmental? Am I insecure? Do I unduly compare myself to others? Do I worry too much about how others see me? Chapter 12 goes on to provide specific instructions for making a self-appraisal of one’s life within the parameters of the categories of life’s dimensions. These categories are divided into sub-categories and provided on a chart. Using the chart, the reader is instructed to compose a written log reflecting his/her actual characteristics and the ideal characteristics. The idea is to characterize one’s behavior, inner feelings, the negatives and the positives in terms of the actual and the ideal. In trying to achieve the ideal, the self-assessment exercise must be able to identify the obstacles that compromise going from the actual to the ideal. The reader must be able to further prioritize the actual and the ideal parameters by setting them out as urgent, high, medium and low. In general the reader should be able to characterize his/her inner feelings, behaviors, what negatives he/she wishes to eliminate and the positives that he/she wishes to achieve. To aid in this exercise, McGraw provides a rating scale from 1-10 under each of the sub-categories of life-dimensions. The reader is instructed to rate each of the sub-traits in the life dimensions. For example, self-esteem rating, education rating, financial rating, health rating and then an overall rating. Once these self-appraisal exercises are completed the reader will be in a position to prioritize personal goals. In other words the reader should be able to identify the specific changes that he/she wants to make to move from the actual to the ideal and to provide a summary reflecting these factors. Discussion Having conducted the self-appraisal exercise delineated in Chapter 12 I am able to provide a summary of my own profile and specifically identify the actual and the ideal. I have come away with a financial rating that I would categorize as urgent and would thus make that a priority in terms of moving from the actual to the ideal. At this points the negatives associated with my financial rating suggest that I may be addicted to compulsive spending with negative consequences for my family. In other words, my actual spending habits are nowhere near what I deem ideal. Ideally, I would take care of my bills, purchase the necessary items and save excess funds. Obviously, I would like to be able to purchase gifts and spend money on luxury items and entertainment, but within reason. However, my actual spending habits tend to be such that I give in to impulse without much thought to the consequences for my family and myself short-term. As this is an urgent matter for me, I would like to address this life-dimension as a matter of priority. Chapter 13 Summary In Chapter 13, McGraw provides the seven steps necessary for reaching one’s lifestyle goals. In this regard, the reader must be able to take that first crucial step, which is to be able to state with some degree of precision a specific lifestyle goal. This means be able to state specifically one’s conduct that defines the goal, what the reader will “be doing or not doing” pursuant to that goal (McGraw 1999, p. 256). It also means knowing when you are “living the goal” and how you feel once you have achieved the goal (McGraw 1999, p. 256). Being able to answer these questions will assist in knowing whether or not one has achieved a specific lifestyle goal. Step 2 requires being able to express one’s goal in a manner that can be measured. In this way goals are distinguished from dreams. Goals must be capable of observance and must be capable of quantification. It means being able to break down the parameters and specifics necessary for achieving what might characterize a “wonderful and rewarding life” rather than merely stating that one wishes to achieve that dream (McGraw 1999, p. 256-257). Step 3, specifying a goal also means being able to set forth a specific timeline for the accomplishment of that goal. It does little good to state that “I want to be rich someday” (McGraw 1999, p. 257). This is no more than a dream that has no specific priority or commitment. In order to make goals realistically achievable, the reader is required to set forth a specific time period for the accomplishment of a specifically stated goal. Step 4, requires specifying a goal that the reader can take control of. Realistic goals are those aspects of one’s life that can be controlled and “manipulated” (McGraw 1999, 258). For instance, one cannot control natural phenomenon, but one can control specific aspects of one’s life, such as purchasing decorations. The idea is to identify goals that are realistic in terms of the individual ability to achieve those goals. Step 5 requires planning and strategizing how to achieve one’s lifestyle goals. This step is designed to distinguish between the longing that accompanies dreams and the realism that accompanies the accomplishment of one’s goals. Planning and strategizing means that the reader is not confined to merely relying on “willpower” which can be “pointless” and “meaningless” (McGraw 1999, p. 258). Willpower can be unreliable and is therefore an inadequate method for achieving one’s lifestyle goal. Strategizing and planning provides a more secure method for ensuring commitment. Step 6 moves forward to planning the achievement of one’s goals in a step-by step method. The idea is to break one’s goals down into “measurable steps” (McGraw 1999, p. 262). The reader must be able to measure and observe progress toward the achievement of his/her goals. It provides a realistic realm for observing whether or not one is making any progress toward the achievement of his/her lifestyle goal. The final and seventh step requires taking “accountability” for progress or the lack thereof toward the achievement of one’s specific lifestyle goal (McGraw 1999, 262). In other words being able to measure progress makes the setting and accomplishment of specific lifestyle change goals more realistic. Dreams, on the other hand are left to sheer will. Goals are more realistic and structured when they are accompanied by accountability. Discussion Following the seven steps delineated by McGraw in Chapter 13 I have identified as a priority in terms of a lifestyle change goal, responsible budgeting and spending. Specifically I intend to budget my income against my family’s financial obligations in a manner that is comfortable and responsible for all those impacted. This means prioritizing expenses first and foremost and setting strategies for curtailing the impulse to spend at will. In incorporating McGraw’s second step I will ensure that I have a measurable strategy for achieving this goal. This means setting aside monthly financial obligations in terms of priorities and ensuring that I have arrangements with my bank for direct debit. This means that those monthly expenses that are necessary for sustaining a reasonable standard of living are taken care of first and foremost and that unnecessary spending is minimized or at the very least not a priority. I have also set out a grocery list to minimize the chances of overspending on food items. In other words, I have set out a goal for spending only that which is necessary and leaving little if any surplus funds for irrational and compulsive spending. In accordance with McGraw’s third step, this is a month to month strategy and in order to determine whether or not I can adhere to this lifestyle change goal, I have set a year as the benchmark for measuring progress. At the end of a year I will be able to look back and determine whether or not I have successfully managed my income and expenditures responsibly and realistically. This goal and the steps for achieving them are consistent with McGraw’s 4th step in that budgeting my income and curbing my spending habits are matters that I can take direct control of and manipulate. It is also consistent with McGraw’s 5th step in that it involves planning and strategizing and does not rely on willpower. I am in a position to list my expenses for each month and to put aside funds necessary for discharging them. In addition I am able to formulate a checklist for determining whether or not I am discharging my monthly obligations as a priority and checking my reckless spending habits. This step will tie in with step 6 which is designed to measure progress and step 7 which is designed to measure accountability. Chapter 14 Summary Chapter 14 hones in on what it takes to be a winner, having had the reader identify the actual and the ideal and formulating a strategy for going from the actual to the ideal one goal at a time. In this regard, being a winner means: 1. Finding a formula and embracing one’s winning traits. 2. Using both success and failure for constructing a life strategy “that works in the real world” (McGraw 1999, p. 267). 3. Knowing the traits that all winners share and those that are specific to the reader. Chapter 14 however, requires looking within and identifying a winning formula for the self. This means looking for one’s own personal traits and knowing what’s a right fit for the individual. This means being able to identify what makes the individual feel better about themselves and in what circumstances and conditions the individual thrives best. This typically means learning from one’s own past mistakes. In other words, past experiences will inform the reader of his/her specific traits that are necessary for crafting a winning strategy. Learning from past mistakes however is only one half of the winning formula. One must also be able to learn from one’s successes. Ultimately, in designing a winning formula one must be able to identify both the positives and negatives in one’s traits and in one’s life. In executing this part of the self-appraisal exercise, McGraw instruct the reader to return to his life dimension chart. Once this step is accomplished it may be helpful to look at others whose success the reader admires for guidance in terms of identifying a winning a formula. The overall idea is to equip the reader with both vision and strategy for compiling a winning formula. By looking to one’s own positives and negatives and to those whose success we admire we will also be able to have a passion for success and discover the truth about those who typically succeed. We may learn from their flexibility and the fact that they take responsible risks. We will also be able to determine the appropriate nucleus for setting up a winning formula. In the end, the reader will be able to take “meaningful, purposeful, directional action” (McGraw 1999, p. 276). Other catch-phrases used by McGraw include priorities and self-management. Accumulatively each of these elements are designed to formulate the characteristics that are necessary for a winning formula. They must however be defined in terms of the individual’s life dimensions in terms of the positives and negatives specific to the individual. This strategy must be incorporated into one’s own daily life. Discussion My goal is to discover and formulate a winning strategy for responsible spending. In doing so, I look to my past mistakes, my past success and what I perceive as the traits of an individual who successfully manages income and debt. In this regard, I have found that I am at my best when I have a specific and detailed plan to follow in terms of disposing of my income in a responsible manner. I have also found that those who have successfully managed their income are typically those who ensure that their obligations are discharged first and foremost. Capitalizing on the success of others and what I perceive as my own positive traits, I have devised a winning formula for self-management of my income. This winning formula involves direct debit and devising a list for expenditures. Self-management means curtailing flexibility and risks by avoiding situations where there is a temptation to spend. For instance I have made a commitment to avoid discount stores as I have learned from my past experiences and mistakes that I have a difficulty resisting the temptation to spend recklessly. My past experiences, including my mistakes and successes have informed me that I will do better in managing my income if I adhere to a rigid structure with little room for flexibility and risk-taking. The idea is to ensure that I am a diligent trustee and that my income is earmarked in advance. 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