The Marriage Go Round by Andrew Cherlin - Term Paper Example

The Marriage Go Round When considering the sanctity of marriage, it has greatly changed over the last few years. While a marriage once was a unity between two people, a man and a woman, sometimes based on love and other times based on a family arrangement, it was a union that lasted. Now, marriages are less traditional. The divorce rates are high and even gay marriage and civil unions are becoming more predominant. There are even some couples that never even go through with the legality of marriage nor have a traditional wedding. Instead, people will live together, have children and either stay together or move on with their lives. Marriage as a sacred union is much different in America than other countries across the world. The importance of marriage in today's society is spiraling out of control as people seem to see each other as expendable and replaceable and often disregard their children in their decisions. It seems as though no one wants to take the risk or make the effort to try to make a marriage work in our society. Divorce is not even something anyone blinks an eye about these days. The once loving lifestyle of June and Ward Cleaver as a loving family with two children, Wally and Beaver, where the husband works and the mother fixes homemade meals and is the perfect housewife is long gone. Divorce is too easy of a way out when a spouse no longer is willing to put in an effort into a long-lasting relationship. People are more willing to give up due to indifferences or citing the fact that they simply just did not love each other anymore as the reason to split. This is creating a stigma in our American society that is almost embarrassing. Divorce in itself is nothing to be ashamed of because some issues are irreconcilable but it leaves an awful mark on our society and teaches future generations that marriage is meaningless. Andrew J. Cherlin addresses the way that marriage exists in American society, having worked on studying the differences from those in other countries for over thirty years. It is more of a social and political means in society rather than it is in other developing countries. Two cultural ideas come into play in “The Marriage-Go-Round” as the author discusses the formal commitment to have companionship versus individualism. This has created havoc in religion and laws about the way that family life is in America. The debate of the public life is an intense one and Cherlin addresses ways to slow it down the spinning of marriage (Cherlin). In 2005, it was a shock to Americans, particularly in Arkansas, when Governor Mike Huckabee and his wife changed their marriage to a covenant union. This was something that had been introduced in 2001 and few couples had taken the leap. The residents of Arkansas had not adopted the covenant marriage option which is one in which the couple was to have premarital counseling. There was also an agreement in this type of marriage that if either spouse ever wanted a divorce, they had to attend marital counseling before the break up. Couples could not divorce for reasons such as incompatibility nor ask for a quick divorce. Instead, if a type of abuse or adultery was committed, only then could a covenant-marriage spouse ask for an instant divorce. If one of the members of the couple wanted a divorce they had to wait two years before being granted one. Governor Huckabee acknowledged that this was a way for the law to allow couples to “be held to a higher level of commitment,” and much of this was an effort to try to encourage others to try to make their marriages work since the divorce rate in America was so escalated (Cherlin 65). American culture has been restructured as a culture that has a strong divorce rate and unwed parenthood. Any groups that have ever pushed for a shift in the divorce revolution has failed. It is thought by some that perhaps there should be more of a shift of attention from divorce to marriage to instead seek the rebuilding of a culture that focuses on family and everlasting marriages. No one is responsible for the failure of marriages as a whole in society. Many researchers that look into the reasons that families are ruined blame marriage and having children out of wedlock as reasons for such a liberal view on marriage and its decline. Not only is it difficult on children to come from broken homes but it has also created financial hardships for people that struggle to be single parents, relying only on a single income to provide for their families due to the lack of another parent left to help raise children (Council on Families). Marriage has been broken down into multiple dimensions as it exists in American society and differs from other western civilizations. These dimensions of marriage include natural, religious, economic, social and legal variables. Marriage may be seen as a “natural institution” that has to do with sexual activity and reproduction. John Locke, an English political philosopher, once labeled marriage as “humankind's first society.” Marriage is also built as a “sacramental institution” based mostly on promises and overseen in religious communities. As an economic institution, it has to do with exchange and production. As a social institution, marriage has to do with raising and nurturing children. It unites two extended families as one which then increases the support from other family members. Marriage is also a legal institution that is regulated by law which requires marriages to be legalized and then also has the power to eliminate them (Council on Families). When looking at some statistics that discuss the overall impact marriage, divorce and the unit of a family has on society, some of them are astonishing but are reflective of America as a whole. Some of the most recent statistics said that there were 2,230,000 marriages in 2005. In 2004, there were 2,279,000 marriages but the total population in America increased by 2.9 million people during that same time frame. When looking at the divorce rate per one thousand people, the divorce rate in 2005 was 3.6 which was the lowest it had been since the 1970s. The highest divorce rate was 5.3 in 1981. In 2004, the state with the highest divorce rate was Nevada while the lowest divorce rate was in Washington, D.C. In 2005, 8.1 percent of heterosexual couples lived together and were unmarried and also only 63 percent of children in America grow up with both of their biological parents. In 2002, 7.8 million Americans paid $40 billion dollars in child support and of those paying child support, 84 percent of the people shelling that money out were males (Divorcemag.com). While someone could go blind by reading these facts and figures, the results are quite outstanding compared to other cultures in the western world which indicates that marriage and the family unit in the United States is very much broken. When considering marriage, there are a few things that should be taken into consideration. The romantic phenomenon of finding a soul mate may or may not exist. However, at one point there were two people that fell in love. Parenting is usually much easier when there are two parents to care for a child. It is encouraging to know that people are out there trying to make a difference by identifying ways to strengthen a committed union. When two people combine marriage with parenthood, dynamics in the relationship change. However, if newlyweds looked at their lives with a partner as one where there is shared housework, good sex, marital generosity and date nights as well as shared religious faith, support of family and friends, it can also strengthen their relationship and make them happier together (Wilcox). While some are willing to abandon marriage and disregard the high statistics of divorce or what were once unusual familial circumstances, we have turned a blind eye. Instead, the focus should return on encouraging marriage and helping people to experience more happiness as they grow old with their loved one. Divorce does not have to be frowned upon. We simply need to make better examples of a stronger family unit for future generations to come. While working on marriages and stressing the importance of trying to work together as first a couple and then maybe even as parents, those who survive years of marriage and truly live up to the vow “til death due us part,” are wonderful role models in changing the way that American society treats marriage as a hop on and hop off ride. Works Cited Cherlin, Andrew J. The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today. New York: Vintage Books, a division of Random House, Inc., 2009. Print. Council on Marriages. Marriage in America: A Report to the Nation. New York: Institute for American Values, 1995. Web. 3 May 2012. Divorcemag.com. U.S. Divorce Statistics- Marriage and Divorce: Latest Stats Available. Divorce Magazine & Segue Esprit Inc., 2012. Web. 3 May 2012. Wilcox, W. Bradford. The State of Our Unions. The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, 2011. 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