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Army Emergency Relief - Assignment Example

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Summary
The paper entitled 'Army Emergency Relief' presents Army Emergency Relief which is a private, non-profit organization that provides emergency financial assistance to active duty Soldiers, retirees”. It is not clear and likewise, it is not placed correctly…
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Army Emergency Relief
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Extract of sample "Army Emergency Relief"

What kind of grammatical errors, if any, are evident in the essay?
The essay is quite good although it has minor grammatical errors such as the use of articles.
What final suggestions do you have for the author?
I would suggest that the author needs to improve the writing style. The author should also include the references and have proper citation.
Draft two,
1. Which sentence states the main idea (thesis) of the essay? Is it clear? Is its placement appropriate? Why or why not?
The ultimate goal though is to enjoy the game as long as possible. This thesis statement is placed in the first paragraph after the introduction. This statement is clear.
2. Are there any additional details that could be included to help you better understand the essay? What is missing or unclear?
No, the essay is clear on the information and it has a good flow. The draft is making sense; all the information is fully understood.
3. Are the details covered in a logical sequence? Which ones, if any, seem out of place?
Yes, the details of this essay have a logical sequence since it has a good introduction and a good body.
4. What part of the essay is most memorable? Why?
The part which is memorable in this is when the child learns to throw the ball must also learn to catch the ball. This is interesting and makes this essay memorable.
5. Are transitions, such as “furthermore,” “for example,” and “next” used to help the ideas in the paper flow logically? If not, which ones would be useful?
The word next is used in this essay to show emphasis in the essay when the at hour states that the player should come to stance like an airplane.
6. Does the author provide the reader with a sense of completion at the end? If so, how?
The author shows a sense of completion when through the statement on the last line of the last paragraph stating that the player should be instructed not to stab the ball.
7. What kind of grammatical errors, if any, are evident in the essay?
There are minor grammatical errors such as spelling mistakes and verb form used.
8. What final suggestions do you have for the author?
The essay is generally good and the references are placed accordingly and a good reference list. I would suggest that the author should also include in-text citations in all paragraphs. The paragraphs should be indented half an inch on every line of the paragraph. Read More
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