Gender and Sexual Studies - Essay Example

Gender and Sexual Studies - Problem-based Learning Gender and Sexual Studies - Problem-based Learning For two years I have had absolutely no sexual desire. During this time my husband changed jobs, began drinking to the point that I worry he is an alcoholic. Can there be a connection between my depressed sexual interest and his drinking? There are different issues that could be causing your low levels of interest in sex. For most women, it is physical as well as emotional factors that diminish their interest in sexual intimacy. Women, in the first place, could experience low levels of desire as a result of stresses that their own bodies go through. For example, if they have a child, they may take longer to regain the desire for sex. Their own bodies are also created in such a way that there are certain times within the month when they have low levels of sexual desire. Women, in addition, are easily affected by the stresses that affect their own lives. For example, if a woman is a working mother who also has a larger share of household responsibilities, it is likely that she will not have enough energy to dedicate to playing her part in keeping the romance in her marriage alive. Apart from these factors, female sexuality is different from male sexuality. Women take more time to become aroused than their male counterparts. Moreover, this is a reality which, even though much discussed in public forums, does not translate to marriages in most cases (Rubin and Campbell, 2012). When women are forced to perform without adequate prior physical stimulation, they will be less eager to take part in sexual intercourse with their spouses in future. You have indicated that your husband has experienced certain changes that have significantly altered his life in the recent past. If concern with these changes affects his ability to take time with you in foreplay, your body could be responding naturally to the lack of concern on his part. There is also a likelihood that the changes taking place in his life are affecting your life. Married women tend to be much more in tune with events in their partners lives than their spouses are. You have pointed out that your husband has began to drink more than normal. This act in itself could be negatively affecting his sexual performance- and thus affecting your libido by association. According to Hull, Meier and Ortyl (2010) when men consume excess alcohol, they are more likely to have difficulty in maintaining an erection. In addition, alcohol can dull the sensations of sex for men, thus rendering it a less pleasurable activity. A combination of the lack of interest in sex due to alcoholism and exhaustion due to changes being made in the working arrangement could lead to inability to perform sexually. When women are confronted with such issues in their marriages, they are more likely to blame themselves, even if subconsciously, for this reality. Naturally, this leads to more stress. Stress, in itself, affects the way a woman perceives herself and her abilities. For example, it can change the way a woman perceives her own body. Naturally, low self image is not beneficial for the sexual life of a married couple. Stress also affects the libido of married women. In times of stress, the human body produces above normal quantities of the hormone cortisol (Rubin and Campbell, 2012). The human body usually only requires small amounts of this hormone for definite periods of time when the body is undergoing stress. However, when the hormone is continuously produced, it can result in the suppression of the natural sex hormones. This then lowers the natural libido of the man or woman in question. When there is less sexual intimacy, there will naturally be problems within the relationship, which are triggered by feelings of frustration on the part of the husband as well as the wife. Your low libido could be the result of either of these issues. In the first place, it is advisable for you to visit a doctor to ensure that there is nothing physically wrong with your body. After that, it would be important for you to visit a registered psychologist as well as sex therapist in order to determine the true cause of your low libido. When I am not in a mood to have sex and my husband is, he insists that we do it anyway. He says that I am wrong to deny him and he gets angry if I seem upset about it. Who is right? You have stated that, in the past, your husband actually forced you to take part in sexual intercourse against your will. This is actually marital rape. It is something that few women are ever willing to confess to because they are so confounded by the very concept. Your husband is obviously emotionally immature and cannot handle the responsibilities of being in an adult relationship (Wilcox and Nock, 2006). You have a right to your own feelings; and when another person attempts to put his own needs over yours, he is merely acting in his own self interest and at your expense. You have a right to have your feelings respected by all people; and, in particular, your husband. Moreover, it is not uncommon for women in marriage to feel that they cannot question their husbands when they are forced to take part in sex against their will. Many cultures all over the world insist that a woman cannot be raped by her husband. This is because, on her wedding day, both partners supposedly abdicate their rights over their own bodies. This means that the wife’s body becomes her husband’s in some sense-meaning that she no longer has the right to say no in sexual matters (Wilcox and Nock, 2006). When her husband wants sex, the wife who does not feel physically ready to commit to it might question her individual right to refuse her husband. When the husband exercises what he perceives to be ‘his right’, in spte of his wife’s reluctance, what effectively happens is that there is a serious breach of trust. The wife is left challenging every understanding she has of her own ability to choose the right people for herself, the world around her and her partner. Some wives even choose to define it as a communication issue; feeling that they did not express their displeasure loud enough, or strongly enough and so it is somehow their fault. Some also blame their own bodies for letting them down by arguing with themselves that men have an inherent biological need to have sex regularly and by not allowing their husbands to do this, they are failing in their duties as wives. None of these reasons make any sense. Rape is rape- whether in the marital context, or when committed by strangers. My husband is very self conscious about the size of his penis. I have told him that I am quite satisfied sexually with him, but he wants to try to have it surgically enlarged. Is there such a procedure? Could it be harmful? Since 1971, there have been penile enhancing operations on offer in the United States. According to Hull, Meier and Ortyl (2010) most of these operations are provided for men who have congenital abnormalities such as extremely small penises, diseased organs which are affected by conditions such as penile cancer and those men who have suffered from deliberate or accidental amputations of their penises. Cosmetic surgery to enhance the penis officially began to increase in popularity in the 1980s. According to Proulx, Helms and Buehler (2007), to date,, more than 60, 000 American men have had this surgery performed for cosmetic reasons. The most common type of cosmetic surgery involving the enhancement of the penis involves lengthening it by cutting its suspensory ligament and then adding extra skin to cover its added length. This can add almost 1.6 cm to the length of the penis. In regards to adding to the girth of the penis, surgeons can inject fat removed through liposuction into the shaft of the penis. They can also put grafts of the dermis within the shaft of the penis. The results that follow operations that are meant to add girth to the penis show that the surgery is not always successful. In many cases, more than 90% of the fat that is relocated to the penis will shift to other areas within a year. Grafts are considered as being more successful in maintaining the girth of the penis after surgery. Cosmetic surgery on the penis is as dangerous as all other surgeries. There is the ever present threat of bleeding and infection of the site of surgery. The lengthening procedure that involves the use of fat could also result in ‘scrotalisation’ which makes the male organ seem to rise from scrotum and not the abdominal skin, as well as the formation of nodules, when the fat dissipates in an uneven manner. Poor blood distribution and supply after the surgery could also result in the creation of ulcerated patches of skin. For a man who are deeply anxious about the size of his penis, the best option is a sex therapist. Cosmetic surgery is extremely dangerous; and should only be used in cases where there are actual congenital defects. References Hull, K. E., Meier, A., & Ortyl, T. (2010). The changing landscape of love and marriage. Contexts, 9 , 32–37. Proulx, C. M., Helms, H. M., & Buehler, C. (2007). Marital quality and personal well-being: A meta-analysis. Journal of Marriage and Family, 69, 576–593. Rubin, H., & Campbell, L. (2012). Day-to-day changes in intimacy predict heightened relationship passion, sexual occurrence and sexual satisfaction: A dyadic diary analysis. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 3, 224–231. Wilcox, W. B., & Nock, S. L. (2006). What’s love got to do with it? Equality, equity, commitment and women’s marital quality. Social Forces, 84, 1321–1345. 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