Implications of Remarriage and Stepfamily Formation for Marriage Education - Report Example

Step-Parenting Step-Parenting Introduction Often, many people engage in a marriage full of expectations of a perpetual blissful lifeprobably until death separates them a part. However, this is an ideal situation which is not actually possible in the real world characterized by cases of separation, divorce and deaths which interrupt such solemnized marriages. Since such premature terminations of marriage do not mark the end of life, the married couple stills a responsibility of continuing with their normal life. This is one of the major causes of step-parenthood which encompasses the institution of a new family whose members were initially living a part. However, blending such a family is always a very challenging experience (Cherlin, A.S., 2010). This paper gives an in-depth and critical analysis of the frustrations and stressful experiences of the step-parents. It does this by focusing on Stepparents: De Facto Parents or Legal Strangers? by Mason Mary Ann; Sydney Harrison; Messick Gloria and Nicholas Wolfinger. In order to perfectly do this, the paper will focus on the major challenges facing step-parents and goes ahead to focus on the effectiveness and contributions of various community services and towards the success of step-parenting in the society. Step-Parenting With the increasing cases of divorce in the society today, step-parenting has become a common phenomenon in different parts of the world. As a result of such inevitable occurrences, many parents have found themselves in a situation in which they are caring for their own biological and step-children. Meaning, while catering for one’s biological children, there is need to look for measures to effectively blend and accommodate children from the previous marriages or relatives into the same family. To many, it has been an easy task. However, to others, it has been one of the most trying and traumatizing moments in their life. As Mason Mary Ann; Sydney Harrison; Messick Gloria and Nicholas Wolfinger exclaim, step-parenting is not an incident. It is a long process which requires a lot of time to be effectively executed (Baker, A.L. & N. Ben-Ami, 2007). This is because it brings together people who were initially not living together and possibly do not know much about each other’s personality, attitudes, likes, dislikes, weaknesses and strengths. Thus, it is important to make the necessary arrangements in order to make them feel comfortable as they would otherwise be in their respective past families. Challenges Facing Step-Parents As explained by these scholars, step-parenting is not a simple task. It involves a lot. Meaning, it has actually become a very challenging experience to most of the parents who are engaged in it. As already highlighted, many people, both children and adults, can find themselves in such a situation due to the changes in their normal life. Whenever this happens, there is nothing to be done rather than looking for another family in which everyone can be integrated (LeBey, B.S., 2004). Thus, such a change implies that both the parents and children have to learn to accept, tolerate and appreciate one another as they plan to live together as a new family. The following challenges are faced by step-parents: i. Lack of Appreciation from the Step-Children Naturally, step-children tend to be quite unappreciative. As found out in the research conducted by Mason Mary Ann; Sydney Harrison; Messick Gloria and Nicholas Wolfinger, many of these children are so thankless. At no one time can they take their time to appreciate their step-parents for caring for them and granting them the support they require. Unfortunately, in most cases, they keep on complaining and lamenting over mistreatments, harassments, neglect and being looked down upon. Instead of appreciating their step-parents for whatever good done to them, they are fault-finders who only look concentrating on the mistakes done to them. At the same time, they compare these step-parents with their biological parents (Fine, M.U., 2011). However, this can be a very frustrating moment to their step-parents who might be doing all their best to integrate them into the new family and make them much comfortable. Such a stressful feeling posses a very great challenge to these parents. As human beings, they feel valued when their efforts are appreciated. It is so difficult to comfortably deal with children who do not value one’s contributions. When these step-parents feel that whatever they do is disapproved by these children, they feel demoralized, discouraged and frustrated to the extent that they can not enjoy their marriage life. ii. Inadequate Cooperation from All Parents Being a step-parent comes with a load of responsibilities. Meaning, for one to establish such a strong step-family, there needs to be adequate preparations to ensure that each of the parents is actively involved in bringing up the step-children. However, many parents do not show lots of commitments towards this course. As Mason Mary Ann; Sydney Harrison; Messick Gloria and Nicholas Wolfinger say, male parents always fail to discharge their duties. Instead, they leave all the parental roles to the mother (Carl, B.L. & Caldas, S.J., 2008). This is quite challenging because, as a step-parent, it can not be easier for the mother to care for both her biological and step-children single handedly. It is a very straining experience which does not go well with them. Getting enough time to discharge all these activities might not be an easy task. In the long run, they end up getting fatigues, stressed and frustrated. Such a situation may worsen if the step-children appear to be a bit indiscipline and difficult to manage by the mum alone. iii. Difficulty in Keeping the Children’s High Expectations Whenever a child loses custody of one of the parents, they might be compelled to be taken care of by the step-parents(s). This might be so challenging especially when it happens when they are approaching puberty. Unlike infants who can comfortably survive in any conducive environments, adolescents may be hard to handle by the step-parents. They have lots of expectations which the step-parent may no effectively meet. They need love, care, attention, security and appreciation. Obviously, all parents whether they are biological or step always do their best to provide the children with these services (Benokraitis, N., 2012). Despite their commitments to integrate step-children into their families, step-parents are still not able to satisfy the children’s diverse needs. Most of these children have a lot of unrealistic expectations which can not be easily met by anyone however much efforts are put. Thus, it becomes a challenge for a step-parent to be branded punitive whenever they try to assume a disciplinarian role to punish the step-parents for the mistakes done. Moreover, such overambitious children can refer to them as bias, dictatorial and discriminative (Papernow, P.L., 2004). All these are stressful experiences undergone by the step-parents mainly because some of the children they integrate in their families have over-ambitious needs which can not be met by them. Community Services and Resources v. Step-Parenthood Evidently, step-parenting is not an easy task. As many sociologists argue, it is the most challenging and testing moment in a marriage life. Therefore, it should be handled with much care. Since many parents can not effectively execute it, there is need to seek for external interventions from the community (Carl, B.L. & Caldas, S.J., 2008). Because the community clearly understands the significant role of family as a basic unit of the society, deliberate steps have been put in place to assist the step-parents in handling the children who they aspire to fuse into their family, blend, integrate and make them be a full part of their family. Therefore, the following are some of these institutions: i. Step Family Resource Centers These are institutions which are established mainly to help step-parents in bringing up their adopted or step children. As a complex activity, step-parenting requires the parents to be informed on a lot of issues including counseling, discipline, and integration and blending of the children into these families (Thomas, D.A. & Woodside, M., 2001). At the same time, these institutions help the parents to know much about the legal stipulations governing their status, roles and responsibilities as step-parents. Thus, whenever parents for to these facilities, they are helped a lot. ii. Step-Parenting Support Organizations These are organizations which help step-parents by offering several support services to the. These include counseling, therapies and civic education. Because they know how stressful it is, the members of these organizations (which mainly include step-parents and other professionals), create time to help any step-parent who might be having any problem in handling their step-children. This is the best way through which they ca be relieved from the yoke of frustrating step-parenthood (Eisenberg, L. & B.S. Hart, 2005). The article: Critique Having explored Stepparents: De Facto Parents or Legal Strangers? I would like to point out that it sis a well-researched piece. Having been written by reputable scholars, it is definitely a product of extensive research (Adler-Baeder, F. & B. Higginbotham, 2004). The methodology used was good and appropriate with this topic. It made it possible for them to collect all the available data to produce accurate, reliable and valid findings and conclusions which can be relied upon by future researchers (Trivers, R.L., 2005). However, I would like to emphasize that a lot of researches still need to be done about the role of father in the step-family. More information should be availed about whether he should act as a disciplinarian, counselor or play a more dominant role as compared to the step-mother. This will fill the information gap in this area. Conclusion In conclusion, I would like to concur with Mason Mary Ann; Sydney Harrison; Messick Gloria and Nicholas Wolfinger for asserting that step-parenting is not a simple task. It is really challenging. Therefore, step-parents need to take the necessary measures to set up a step-family. To do this, there needs to be adequate time, understanding, collaboration and appreciation of one another. If this is done, all the children and parents will happily live together as one united family regardless of their parenting history. References Adler-Baeder, F. & B. Higginbotham, (2004). ‘Implications of remarriage and stepfamily formation for marriage education.’ Family Relations. 53(5), 448–458. Baker, A.L. & N. Ben-Ami, (2007) "Adult Recall of Childhood psychological maltreatment in "Adult Children of divorce": Prevalence and associations with concurrent measures of well being". Journal of Divorce & Remarriage 52 (4): 203–219. Benokraitis, N. (2012). Marriages & Families: Changes, Choices and Constraints. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Prentice Hall. Carl, B.L. & Caldas, S.J. (2008). "Family Structure, Schoolmates, and Racial Inequalities in School Achievement". Journal of Marriage and the Family 60 (3): 715–723. Cherlin, A.S. (2010). Public and Private Families. New York, NY: McGraw Hill. Eisenberg, L. & B.S. Hart (2005). The best intentions: unintended pregnancy and the well-being of children and families. Washington, D.C: National Academy Press. Fine, M.U. (2011) ‘Relation between marital quality and (step) parent-child relationship quality for parents and stepparents in stepfamilies’, Journal of Family Psychology, Vol. 9(2), pp. 216-223. LeBey, B.S (2004). Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family. New York: Bantam. Papernow, P.L. (2004). Becoming a Stepfamily: Patterns of Development in Remarried Families. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Thomas, D.A. & Woodside, M. (2001) "Resilience in adult children of divorce: A multiple case study". Marriage & Family Review 47 (4): 213–234. Trivers, R.L. (2005). "Parent–offspring conflict". Integrative and Comparative Biology 14: 249. Read More