My Inner Struggle with English - Essay Example

?“Just say it” English language has always been a source of amusement for me. I have grown up watching a lot of English movies. I especially used to enjoy watching the action movies. My favorite movie stars were Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvestor Stallone, Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan. Watching their movie, I used to think that I will be able to speak English very easily. Although I did not understand all the words that Stallone or Schwarzenegger said, I used to get an idea of what they were saying. It was much later, when I came to know that I was going to the US, and was required to speak English, that I realized that my favorite stars did not actually say much in the movies. It was their guns and hands that did most of the talking, and not their tongue. I started thinking that if I had chosen to watch maybe the romantic movies or the dramatic movies, I would have learnt English more easily. At least, my travel to the United States would have been smooth. I realized that just listening to someone speak a language cannot make you fluent in that language. With this discouraging realization, I landed in the United States. It was not that my English was bad, but it was not good either. I could manage to speak in broken English. I could read and write quite nicely. But when it came to speaking, I used to choke. I realized that the fear of being laughed at, or being ridiculed, hampered my efforts to speak in English. My friends and relatives in the US were unaware of my inner struggle with English. I conversed with them in my regional language so the question of my inability of speaking good English never really came up in front of them. However, it was bothering me a lot. I knew that in some time, I will join the college, mix with people and will have to speak in English without an aid of my own language. I decided to hone my English speaking skills. The very next day, I bought a book that promised to teach how to speak fluent English. To avoid my family members from knowing my dilemma, I used to go to a nearby coffee shop, order whatever I saw in the pictures that were stuck on the wall, grab a corner table and immerse in the book. This became my regular habit. I used to go to the coffee shop at early hours to avoid rush of customers. It used to be deserted at early hours and that provided me with the silence and peaceful environment that was necessary to concentrate on my ‘study.’ This went on regularly for some days. I became sort of familiar with the waitresses and the cashier at the coffee shop. However, I kept my conversation limited to a ‘hello’ and a ‘thank you.’ Things were going fine till I became aware of a pair of eyes watching me intently for past few days. I realized that one of the waitresses was keeping an eye on me since past few days. She was in her late forties, with plump physique and blonde hair. From the way she was treated by her colleagues, I could tell that she was working there since a long time and had gained a respectable position. Even though she was just a head waitress, she had an authoritative attitude and her authority was accepted by others. I got to know that her name was Jennifer. From the way she watched me, I could make out that she was curious about what I was doing. I started feeling uncomfortable and awkward. Thoughts like “am I looking stupid,” “am I doing something wrong,” “am I breaking some coffee shop rule which I am not aware of,” “is it crime to read books in coffee shop,” “is she going to call police” etc., started haunting my mind. I became restless with these thoughts and was thinking of stopping going to the coffee shop. However, I knew that I was making some progress and gaining confidence by reading the book. Even though I had not yet started to speak in English, I was ‘feeling’ that I will do that in a few days. However, I was not at all aware that the very next day I was going to learn a big lesson in my life. As usual, I got up in the morning, got ready and went to the coffee shop. To my dismay, I found Jennifer at the counter. I hesitated a little bit and approached the counter to place my order. As I did everyday, I used ‘gestures,’ by pointing out to the picture of a sandwich on the wall, to order my breakfast. But instead of punching in the order, she said “say it.” I was quite shocked with this reaction and froze for a moment. I was not expecting this and I gave her a look of wonder and blankness by raising my two eyebrows. I gathered courage and said “what?” She raised her voice and said “just say it!!” Everyone left their work and started looking at me. I was surprised and could not speak. She said “since last few days I am watching you reading that stupid book. Do you think you are going to learn to speak by ‘reading’ a book? You will have to ‘speak’ in order to learn to speak, won’t you? Stop gesturing like a dumb person and tell me what you want. Come on! Just say it!” This was the first time someone had talked to me so authoritatively. However, in that authority, there was care, concern and love. It was as if a mother was trying to imbibe good habits in her child. In a meek voice, I said “saintwich.” She said, “sANDwich, not ‘sAINTwich’. Say it again.” I tried to say it again and got it right the third time. She patted my hand and ordered a sandwich for me. From that day, she started encouraging me to ‘talk’ to her and other people rather than spend time in reading. The mystery behind her keeping an eye on me was finally revealed. She knew that I was not using the right method to learn to speak. She was trying to find a right opportunity to tell me that. From the next day, I went to the coffee shop with double enthusiasm and energy. I learn to converse in English without using gestures. The fear of being ridiculed vanished from my mind as everyone was encouraging. Most importantly, I stopped taking the book to the coffee shop. This is how I learnt to speak English. I learnt an important lesson in language from Jennifer and that is, one can learn to speak in foreign language by ‘speaking’ that language, and not by listening to it or reading it. Read More