Relationships Are Difficult Because Men and Women Are Inherently Different - Essay Example

?Your Full Your 20 November Relationships are Difficult Because Men and Women are Inherently Different Relationships between the two sexes are often hard to understand and it is quite a feat for those involved to maintain them with ease. It is contended that men and women are different biologically; therefore, it is only but natural for them to have a different approach to relationships. Although some people claim that it is actually social conditioning that is to be blamed, there is ample evidence, so to speak, to prove that men and women are inherently different form one another, thus causing many a problem in their relationships. The scientific community has conducted many studies that have shown that not only are men and women conditioned differently, but that these differences are often inborn. The human brain is, from birth, “masculine” or “feminine,” which is to say that there are various differences between the brains of the two sexes that result in their different development and behavior. Such differences were caused by evolution in a bid to help the sexes perform the different roles they had to play, and since the gender defined roles have only just begun to be questioned, it is not right to expect evolutionary changes occurring in our brains just yet. The MRIs (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) and PET scans (Positronic Emission Tomography) done on human brains have made it clear that “the male and female brain are ‘male’ and ‘female’ regardless of the culture or the continent on which the men and women are raised” (Gurian 6). These differences are not limited to the brain alone; there are physical and hormonal differences between the two sexes that cannot be denied at all. Therefore, it is very hard, not to mention unrealistic, for someone in a relationship to expect their partner to behave and act like them. These differences cause both men and women to enter into a relationship with different expectations and aspirations. This is where the relationship can, and often does, go awry; often both the man and the woman do not understand that they are essentially different beings and, hence, have different needs from a relationship. In the relationship both of them give to the other what they want for themselves, without considering the fact that since both of them are tuned differently, it is only natural that both of them would want different things from each other. Men usually want sex more than women, for instance; Gurian asserts that it is because at ejaculation the level of oxytocin (or the bonding chemical) in their brain reaches a high level, thus helping them bond with the person they are having sex with (110). It is perhaps because of this reason that the women often get confused when the man seems completely in love with them during sex, but withdraws afterwards, or does not seem connected at all. Interestingly enough, women have the same level of oxytocin normally, which man attain at ejaculation. The fact that there are higher oxytocin levels in women’s brains than in men’s (sometimes ten times higher), proves that it is a natural impulse for the women to “tend-and-befriend” (Gurian 12). This results in the woman being perceived as “too clingy” by the man, whereas the man seems “too aloof” from the relationship, hence, more resentment and creating rifts between the two is caused. These differences result in, as per Gray, men and women having a different approach to their relationship. Often, both the sexes do not realize that, thus, the chances of them having a mutually fulfilling and loving relationship are reduced substantially, where they engage in many an argument. Men function spatially and women function verbally, it is no wonder that men do not engage in conversations unless and until it is required. Women, on the other hand, need to verbally lay out everything and thus connect/bond with the other person. It is very frustrating for a woman to get her man to talk to her when he is going through some problems; the usual response of men when they face a problem is to retreat within them and not to talk about it until they have come up with a solution for it. However, if the woman knows that the man in her life is not like her in that he does not need to talk to feel better but needs to either retreat within himself or concentrate on something else, or that his silence is not a sign of rejection for her, then she will definitely not start doubting herself or the relationship she is in. Moreover, the man will not feel “pestered” by her continuous questioning and concern, something women mistakenly think men would open up to them as it is true for themselves. Men are motivated by power mostly. For them power is very important and to attain power they need to win. As Gray states in his book, men have a “win/lose” philosophy, whereby they want to win without giving much importance to the loss of their opponent (Gray 50). Women are not motivated by power, but by the need to feel loved and respected. This “win/lose” philosophy of a man can also result in the man competing with the woman for power, or what he perceives to be power, thus causing a rift between himself and the woman. It is safe to assume here that the differences between men and women do not arise because they were taught to act/behave differently, but because they ARE different inherently. However, with the role reversal of the 21st century, it has become quite a feat for a couple to make their relationship a success. In this regard a French couple in the 70s who reversed their roles, with the man taking care of the household chores and the woman going out and working (Swerdloff et al. 162-172) are a good example. Despite their role reversal, there were certain old fashioned remnants in their modern marriage. The man was still more authoritarian and the children listened to him more, and the woman felt she needed to take care and nurture the family by cooking for them at least once a day. It is easily discernible, therefore, that most of the difficulties in relationships arises from men and women being inherently different, and that causes them to have different outlooks regarding the relationship and one another. Works Cited Gray, John. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships. New York: Harper Collins, 1993. Print. Gurian, Michael. What Could he be Thinking? How a Man’s Mind Really Works. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2003. Print. Swerdloff, Peter et al. Men and Women. UK: Time-Life International (Nederland) B. V., 1977. Print. Read More