What Was Happening to Me - Essay Example

Narrative It was just another night at the Johnson household; I looked at my parents while we ate dinner, my sister made some small talk about her basketball match, I mumbled along, chewing my food in a completely disinterested manner. I was extremely tired and studying had worn me out. Now that the examinations were done with, I could finally rest. But there was something tugging at the back of my mind; I shrugged the callous thought away for fear of realising what it was and then having to spend time fixing that instead of closing my eyes and wandering into oblivion. Fatigue was taking over me; I heard my mother ask me to go back to my room because I was literally falling all over my mashed potatoes and rice. Blackout. Suddenly, I jolted. My body quivered and shivered at the chill that ran down my spine. I opened my eyes slowly as the light shrieked through my retinas and flooded into my brain cells. Things felt weird; they looked and even smelt different. Confusion whipped itself all over me because I remembered being within the confines of my room just a few moments ago. Random images of mundane conversations with my family, the dinner that was cooked every single day, flashes from the television, my sister’s gleeful laughter; all of this felt like a downpour, yet I felt miles away from all that commotion. All of a sudden, I felt insecure and understood how badly I wanted to be in the middle of all that, that very instant. This had to be an alternate universe… After what felt like three and a half years, the numbness eased. I was not even aware as to why that was happening. Everything around me was white. So pure, so serene and tranquil, yet I felt like screaming. I felt trapped; Trapped because of my own deeds. I didn't even know what I had done to deserve this. My brain reverberated against my skull. My limbs hurt. My voice was not even soft enough to be heard by ultrasound-sensitive animals. Suddenly, three people clad in white lab coats entered the high-ceilinged room. They were talking in hurried whispers. At that point, the only sound that I could hear was my beating heart, running faster than a bullet train; almost feeling like it was going to leap out of my chest. Despite this, there was some sort of assurance about those three beings; I didn’t know who they were however, it didn't feel like it was going to get worse. On the contrary, I felt like I was going to be out of that place soon. In fact, all I wanted was to be back within the safety of my bed and warm blanket; even to be with my family and hug them. I hadn’t felt these emotions in a long time, and it was astonishing to watch myself repent on the paucity of time that I had spent in that aspect of my life. The three, individuals in lab coats, seemed to be emanating a warm aura. I needed the assurance more than anything especially at that point of time because despite being confident, my heart wasn't convinced enough. It thumped fast. It beat against my chest. I could hear my heartstrings come undone. It felt as if my aortic pump wanted to leap out of the sole window in the room, and reach out to the world that was waiting for me. The hushed voices used the word death way too many times to even fit the few sentences they muttered under their breaths. They appeared to have a mini squabble of some kind. There was a woman among the three people, and there was some sort of joy that I got by knowing that; her voice was very much like my mother’s voice; mellifluous. I could almost imagine her break into a sing-song with her words; but then again my brain was acting fuzzy and I wasn’t thinking right. She couldn’t be my mother; whatever would my mother be doing in a place like this?! The woman, nevertheless, knew that I was safe and alive. I had a strong sense, she did. She kept providing the men with a clear indication regarding the same thought and stopped them twice from reaching out to me. They were so far, yet so close. But something told me I was going to make it. Make it where? That, even I didn’t have the answer to. What was happening to me? As soon as I opened my eyes a little, white light streamed in like a fierce waterfall gushing down fifty meters of rocks and boulders. My eyes hurt. They couldn't take the illumination. Still, I mustered all the energy I was able to and squinted into the luminous atmosphere that surrounded me. It was ironic that the machine that recorded my heart rate had negligible sized peaks rising and falling on it, whereas my heart hadn't felt as (more) alive in a long time. Soon, the peaks would disappear and get replaced by a straight 180 degree line. But I still had hope. I needed answers; I needed that woman to reach out to me, stroke my hair gently, and tell me that I was going to be alright. But then again, I wanted to know what was wrong with me in the first place! I couldn’t feel blood streaming out from any part of my body; I wasn’t really feeling weak as such either. My brain had to be functioning perfectly normally because of the kind of thoughts that were drifting through my mind; there was nothing wrong with me! Were there a group of people trying to get me killed? But I was never a part of any sort of social or political insignia, or hated by even a minority. Is that why they were after me? Because I hadn’t done anything with my life? All of a sudden, I heard a voice in my head speak to me in the softest manner possible; the voice was like silk, and it felt so wonderful, it almost brought a smile to my face. It said that I needed to prove myself; not be some great rich person who would have a memorial carved for them after death, but a simple, humble human being, appreciating everything about life; especially the little things. ‘Like eating dinner with your family,” it said. I wanted to speak. I wanted some hot tea to soothe my vocal chords. Oh, I wanted lots of things at that point of time. I thought of all the things I wanted to achieve and accomplish before the darkness would take me away. Why couldn't I see anyone I knew, around me? Why had they left me at this vital hour, all by myself to get consumed by the power of Hades and the Underworld? Was there still time to fix the bad things that I had done? Was there still time to go back to my family and tell them that I loved them even though I was terrible at expressing the same? It was just not possible; I just couldn’t be here in this unfamiliar existence. The one question that kept popping into my mind that I kept shoving away was whether or not I was still a part of the ‘normal’ world… my own world, the land and the home that I was familiar with. Things were getting too strange for my own good. Lying there, oblivious to the fact that my soul had probably already left me, all I knew was that leaving with the black wind was probably the only way left now. Read More