Giovanni Room by James Baldwin - Essay Example

He therefore trapped himself into a net of lies that preoccupied his conscious, subconscious and blurred his attraction to men. The greatest of his concerns was his father. He was worried as to how his father would handle the behavior and more so what he would do to him upon discovery. At the age of 16 he found himself attracted to a young man by the name Joey. Besides the fear of rejection by his father he was also worried about how the parents of the boy he was attracted to would react to the news of them having slept together.

The thought of this made him ashamed of the attraction and in retaliation and recoil. He became repulsive and nasty towards the teen as a way of keeping the feelings at bay. Another reason behind David’s shame of his true identity was his actual lack of comprehension on the exact source and cause of attraction towards men. This was forged clearly in his attempts to lie and deceive himself as well as the society on his actual feelings towards women as opposed to men. The deception went as far as involving an innocent woman to whom David proposed to despite the fact that he did not like her.

The shocking realization comes in when he finds himself in Paris alone when his surpassed lover is in Spain. In his confusion he finds himself in bed with Giovanni a bartender who he meets at a renowned gay club. Soon after he proceeds to live with the gay friend during which time the affection develops from friendship to love causing even more confusion. He understands that he had offended many people with the endless lies that he had forged to keep away from the gay attraction within him. Out of the love and concern he feels for the people he has offended he suffers guilt and regret.

In the end however he does not want to be lonely or be alone. Thirdly homosexuality was not fully embraced during David’s lifetime. It was still considered a sectorial phenomenon that existed among few (Stryker 104). The society at the time gave little or no regard to peculiarity and therefore gave a rather cold shoulder to persons who associated or related with peculiarities such as homosexuality. Such few were considered different and by the sense of it, unsocietal. By extension they were looked down upon by the community and society at large.

Homosexuality was unacceptable both to his father and to the society and it therefore failed to meet society’s standards. This means that by declaring his feelings and displaying his affection for men he would be jeopardizing his status in society and denying himself the right to be a full member of the society. In effect it was important that he keeps to himself what he felt. Finally David’s commitment to hella stopped him from exposing his true self. As part of his elaborate scheme of lies both to himself and to the society, David ends up proposing to a woman who he felt nothing about.

Hella grew to love and appreciate David as he was proceeding even to understand his confusion and distracted sense of attention to her oblivious of the true cause of the confusion. Further she falls in love with him and offers even to take care of him. David on the other hand could not understand the nature of their commitment and often felt imprisoned and leashed to the relationship to Hella. His fear of disappointing her