Personal Narrative 2 -My Story - Essay Example

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My Twisted Core This is an account of the most heart rending, agonizing yet wise decision I have ever had to make in the forty years of my journey on this course called life. The saga begins in 1981 when I gave birth to an adorable baby boy. My love for him propelled me to want to give him the best that life could offer…
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Personal Narrative 2 Essay-My Story
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Download file to see previous pages In the deepest recesses of my heart I believed that my infant was going to a good home. On the day of his birth, I summoned all the strength I could muster to resist the urge to hold my precious baby boy and to meet the new parents. Beyond a shadow of a doubt it would have been too hard for me if there was any contact. For this reason, even though I so badly wanted to say, “I love you” and to kiss him goodbye I let him disappear from my life with only the barest glance. The trauma of the pregnancy and the rigor of the decision-making left me with several health issues as a result I was in the hospital for one week after the delivery. On the seventh day a phone call came from the courthouse. In order to finalize the adoption my presence was needed. Perhaps this was the test of my mantle- the day was so hard and emotional for me and my mom, I distinctly remember my body shaking. The shaking was extremely uncontrollable to the point that I could not even sign my name to the papers. Nonetheless, the judge appeared to understand my plight. He advised me to take my time. Signing that piece of paper was worse than all the labor pain endured during birth. My mom and I walked out of the judge’s chamber; I looked at her to see tears roll down her face. It broke my heart to see her cry. Year after year would pass by. Without fail, during the week of July 10th I would find myself overwhelmed with depression. On that day I would look up in the sky and whimper, “Happy birthday my baby boy.” As I grew older I would wonder whether my offspring ever thought about me, whether he would ever try to find and if he did find me would he forgive me. From time to time my family and friends would ask me if I would like to find him. My answer has always been a resounding, “YES!” However, I would silently speculate about the potential nature of his attitude towards me - would he reject me or would he be thankful that he was never part of my life. My speculation always ended in the same manner- let sleeping dogs lie it would be best that he try to find me when he is ready. In 1998 I gave birth to a beautiful girl, Alexandria Louise. She was the joy of my life. It was simply delightful to know that I could keep her forever. Nevertheless, there was still emptiness, a yearning in my heart for my baby boy that I had given up seventeen years earlier. I married Alexandria’s father, Poncho Rugg, in 2008. The marriage marked another exciting milestone in my journey of life. My husband was thrilled but sad to hear the story about my son. Constantly, he would ask me if I was ready to start the search and consistently, my reply would be no. I always believed that the time was not right and that one day he will look for me but only when the time was right. My personal information was everywhere in cyberspace. I believe that he had an abundance of opportunity to search for me if he was interested. I resigned myself to the hope of him searching for me and finding me one day. It was December 15, 2009. Every Tuesday night was pool night at Paco’s. On this particular Tuesday, my husband decided to accompany me to watch and have a birthday drink with me given that the next day was my birthday. It was my turn to shoot. I was nervous because I was shooting against a top player on the opposite team. I would look at Poncho from time to time and smile. On one occasion, I turned to him but he was on his cell phone. Not ...Download file to see next pagesRead More
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