Population and Disease Pattern and Trends - Assignment Example

The thesis is well placed at the end of the introduction. This position is ideal as the author has firstly introduced the main points of the paper and the thesis is well understood.Mark the main points in the essay. This paper has several main points that have been spread out. They have been excellently placed as they develop with the expected argument of the paper and are clearly outlined. They are easy to find and understand.Mark the supporting evidence for the main ideas. The main ideas have been supported by evidence mostly from primary sources.

This makes the arguments concrete but the author fails to adequately analyze the evidence and give her opinion. This makes the paper sound like a recital of other people’s ideas. The best way is for the author to analyze the evidence as it develops and makes observations that will merge her arguments in a stronger way to the evidence adduced.Development and Organization Is the draft effectively and logically organized? The general observation is the draft is excellent as the ideas are in a logical order and the content is coherent and understandable.

Comment on the introduction. The introduction is well structured and informs the reader of what to expect and more importantly in what order the information is going to be presented. It is clear and gives a perfect picture of the entire draft.Comment on the construction of the paragraphs. The paragraphs are well structured and have a coherent flow that ensures the draft is easily understood. The transitions between the paragraphs make the draft effective in communicating s they merge the different ideas and provide unified ideas.

LOCAL CONCERNS Mark any garbled or confusing sentences.“Are physicians more interested in making money or receiving a kickback from the pharmaceutical companies by using their drugs? Instead, they should be focusing on the well-being of their patients.” The paper has some sentences that are constructed in question like manner and the author does not answer them. They are quite a few and the author needs to rethink this approach.Mark any sentences that are clear and easy to understand.

“Communication between physicians and patients is becoming unresponsive. Physicians need to learn that the majority of patients do not understand the medical language.”This is an example of good sentence construction that has a good flow and builds an idea to completion. Point out any grammatical or punctuation errorsThere are no grammatical errors or punctuation errors. The paper is well edited. SUMMARY OF PEER REVIEW The main strengths of this draft are that it is well structured and the author has a good grasp of what is required.

The author has done an excellent job in the arrangement of ideas and the execution is excellent. However, there are several issues that the author needs to pay attention to when revising the draft. The first is that the analysis of the evidence and issues in the draft is a bit shallow. The author needs to analyze the issues and evidence in a stronger way. The author also needs to look at sentence construction. The sentence structures in the paper are structured in a complicated way that can be easily confusing.

She needs to shorten some of her sentences and use simple words. The author needs to take heed of the issues raised in the ‘Local Concern’ part of the review and make some changes.