Religion - St. Augustine's Confessions - Research Paper Example

? Augustine is an influential man. Beyond his obvious influence in the faith, he has exerted tremendous sway on philosophy, theology, and even education. Augustine was not originally a believer. His autobiographical book, Confessions, details his conversion. However, unlike a standard autobiographical book, Augustine recounts the events of his life in terms of how they impact his faith and his beliefs. Many people find the story of Augustine infinitely inspiring and fascinating. Indeed, Benedict XVI called him “one of Christian history's greatest converts” during his address to the General Audience at the Paul VI Audience Hall. Augustine’s conversion is not a story of blinding light or a single moment that shifted everything. It is, rather, a story of small steps toward an ultimate goal. It is the story of how many forces work to point a person in the direction they need to go. It is the story of how listening to small signs and signals can help a person find their rightful spot. Although Augustine grew up with religious instruction, he was not a believer in the way he was after his conversion. In fact, he describes his feelings regarding spirituality and faith quite clearly. “Thus I at that time believed with my mother and the whole house, except my father; yet he did not overcome the influence of my mother’s piety in me so as to prevent my believing in Christ, as he had not yet believed in Him” (Schaff and Augustine, Chapter XI). He describes his faith as more of something that was expected of him or done to please his mother than something from his heart. His father made his lack of faith known to his son, which had to have played some role in turning Augustine from deeper faith. However, his mother’s practice and faith helped to instill within Augustine a desire to know God and while he pursued pleasures of the flesh, something within him kept drawing him back to God. Because his mother led him in the practice and teachings of the Catholic Church, the window was always open to come to know God. Augustine expresses tremendous gratitude for his mother’s faithfulness and her desire to go against her husband by making sure her son was instructed in Catholicism. Without that background, it would have been decidedly more difficult for Augustine’s conversion to have taken place. Augustine’s background did not lend itself to faithfulness. His world was much like that of the modern child and adolescent: pleasure and material focused. He recounts the specifics of the society and family in which he was reared. Augustine’s first mention of any sort of spiritual awareness is after entering school. School was a place of wretched existence for Augustine, who was fearful of beatings from his teachers. Augustine recalls his introduction to God: “O Lord, I observed men praying to thee, and I learned from them to conceive thee--after my capacity for understanding as it was then--to be some great Being, who, though not visible to our senses, was able to hear and help us” (Augustine, 50). He explains that he sought God’s assistance with his everyday concerns at the time, which centered upon comfort. “Small as I was, I prayed with no slight earnestness that I might not be beaten at school” (Augustine, 50). Augustine’s upbringing continues in a typical manner; he is consumed with concern over material items and pleasure. His thoughts are not focused toward God. In fact, his thoughts turn to lust as he approaches adolescence. He speaks about the fact that lust is almost taught to boys through their education. He points out that they read about the gods, who deeds are wicked and within whom lust is strong and overpowering. His point is fair that lust is almost taught to boys as a natural condition, one which they can excuse. After all, if even a god cannot overcome his desires, how could a mere mortal be expected to do so? Augustine discusses in depth his battle with lust. This is a battle which will plague him throughout his life, even unto his life as a servant of God. It is a very mortal struggle and Augustine seems deeply and genuinely pained by his desire and his confusion. “So that I was unable to discern pure affection from unholy desire” (Schaff and Augustine, 56). He talks of the understanding that he should have paid more attention to the verses which explain why an unmarried man is better capable of serving the Lord. He laments that he had not turned toward that path sooner, rather than wasting time and paining himself in the pursuit of carnal pleasures and emotional turmoil. Augustine spends some time explaining the folly of his childhood pursuits. He talks about the time he stole some pears. But unlike some bittersweet story of misspent youth some other author might share, Augustine is compelled to explain his motives. He does not try to excuse his behavior by claiming he was hungry or deeply desired the pears. He explains that he stole solely out of the desire to steal. It was the theft itself he coveted, not the material item. “I threw them away, my sole gratification in them being my own sin, which I was pleased to enjoy” (Schaff and Augustine, 59). The inclusion of this item is important for those reading, because it reveals that Augustine was a mortal, ordinary man. If a man such as Augustine can commit himself wholly and fully to God, then all men should endeavor to follow in a path of service and faithfulness. Augustine also explains that part of what kept him separated from God was the desire for emotional bonds and physical bonds with other people. He makes particular effort to separate the fact that these are “goods of a lower kind” (Schaff and Augustine, 58). He points out that the desire to seek out and generate relationships of a sexual nature and even those of a non-sexual nature serve to keep us from seeking that same relationship with God. But he also talks about how the company you keep enables to perpetuate your actions when they are sinful. You take delight in the sin itself, but you also share and magnify that delight while sharing and recounting it in the company of others who share you desires and base drives. For some time, Augustine was drawn more to philosophical pursuits than to faith in God. He was among the Manichees and found much stimulation in their texts, filled to the brim with logic and reason. His life seemed to be settling into a life of studies and students. Yet he was disenchanted with his meeting a bishop of the Manicheans named Faustus. Although he was initially attracted to the Manicheans teachings on evil and the nature of evil, when the doctrine could not reconcile its own beliefs with the advances and discoveries of science, Augustine became troubled. Although his official disassociation would take place some time later, he began to emotionally and psychologically move away from them. He looks back on this experience of disenchantment as a positive thing. He talks about how the bishop “unwittingly and without intent” had set him free. Augustine likened this release to being sprung from a “trap” (Scaff and Augustine, Book V, 1-7). This, like many other events in Augustine’s life, plays into God’s ultimate plan for him. He next found a haven in the Neo-Platonists, which helped him come to terms with the notion of evil. The problem of evil has plagued Augustine for some time. Up until his encounter with the Neo-Platonists, he had struggled with the problem of evil in the manner of the Manicheans. That is, he had to choose between the idea that evil was created by God or that someone else created evil to battle against God. Both of these theories pose a problem for Augustine. If he decides that God created evil, then he has to question whether God is in fact good. If he decides that some other force created evil, then he has to question whether God is omnipotent. Neither of these positions sat well for Augustine. The Neo-Platonists give the explanation that evil is the absence of good. Augustine is quite drawn to this view. Philosophically, their doctrine was similar to that of the Bible. So even here, this is a move toward a conversion. This definitely opened Augustine up more to the idea of conversion. The next critical moment was his relocation from Rome to Milan. The conditions that prompted this move were external—he desired more well behaved students—but this move also brought him closer to God. In Milan, he met a Catholic bishop named Ambrose. This man shows Augustine how to take the parables of the Bible, which at the time Augustine viewed as simplistic, and read them with their full intent and depth. This is crucial to Augustine’s ultimate conversion because up until this point Augustine has had difficulty truly connecting with the text. This was due to his inclination to read the work literally. As a result, he found it to be lacking in sense and intelligence. But once Ambrose showed him how to read for depth and metaphor, Augustine could begin to connect with the text in a more meaningful fashion. Augustine begins to desire to live a more godly life, but finds himself falling short. He describes his internal battle with wanting to both follow God and simultaneously satisfy his inner urges and desires. He was plagued by lusts of the flesh. “For I was afraid lest Thou shouldest hear me soon, and soon deliver me from the disease of concupiscence, which I desired to have satisfied rather than extinguished" (Schaff and Augustine, 124). Around this same time, his friend, Ponticianus, comes to visit. During their time together, Ponticianus shares the stories of some of his friends. Ponticianus shares that his friends have turned to a life of service to God, even forsaking their fiancees. But Ponticianus himself is too weak of the flesh to be able to make the same choice. It is here that Augustine begins to take a long look at himself in comparison to the young men in the tale Ponticianus shares. Augustine explains to us that he has sought happiness through academic and intellectual pursuits. But that he now realizes it is about his moral attitude. His happiness depends upon his complete surrender to God, not upon a career he chooses or a woman he loves. It is only through God that he will find happiness and peace. It is here that Augustine experiences his conversion ‘experience.’ But it is not this singular experience. It is the culmination of all the experiences that have come before this one to bring Augustine to the mindset that will be receptive to this experience. So Augustine’s experience in the garden of Milan is only the tipping point. That moment by itself would not have brought about his conversion. Augustine had to come to God by small steps and small shifts. Augustine finds his friend in the garden and shares his torment in his comparison to the men in the tale he just heard from Ponticianus. He talks about how these men, who have not spent their lives in pursuit of knowledge have turned to God. The “unlearned start up and ‘take’ heaven, and we, with our learning, but wanting heart, see where we wallow in flesh and blood!” (Schaff and Augustine, 125). Augustine flings himself under a tree. It is a tree that he will later see plays a role in his story. He refers to it as a “certain” tree. And in time he hears a voice. “when, lo, I heard the voice as of a boy or girl, I know not which, coming from a neighbouring house, chanting, and oft repeating, “Take up and read; take up and read.” Immediately my countenance was changed” (Schaff and Augustine, 128). He follows the command of the voice and opens the Bible to read a verse that “infuses” “security” into his heart. He is calmed. It is this moment of calm and solace in response to a command that drives Augustine to make his decision. But ultimately, it is the decision he has been wrestling with for most of his lifetime. He has in that moment made the choice, but the decision-making has been decades in the making. He makes the decision to convert and to give up worldly desires and lust. “For Thou didst so convert me unto Thyself, that I sought neither a wife, nor any other of this world’s hopes” (Schaff and Augustine, 128). His decision makes his mother very happy and ultimately Augustine is much happier as well. Of course, Confessions shares his continued struggle with passions and lust, as Augustine is a mortal man. But ultimately his story is that of a man who discovers a deeper relationship with God and a deeper contentment as a result. The story of Augustine’s conversion is inspiring and stirring. Many have found his words helpful in their own philosophical and moral struggles. God used a man, who on the surface was not meant for any special religious or moral purpose, to rouse and encourage millions of other people across time and space. Augustine’s painfully honest and open book, Confessions, is the tale of one man’s journey to God and peace. But it is more than simple autobiography. It is the deeper, symbolic and literal struggle that is universal to us all. References Benedict XVI. “General Audience.” 2008 Paul VI Audience Hall, Vatican City, Rome. 27 February 2008. Web. Libreria Editrice Vaticana. 26 May 2011. Schaff, Phillip, and Augustine, Saint. The Confessions and Letters of St. Augustine, with a Sketch of his Life and Work. In Schaff, Phillip. [Ed.] Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers Series I, Volume I. Edinburgh: T & T Clark. Christian Classics Ethereal Library. Web. 25 May 2011. Read More