Applying the five stages of grief to a case study of a 83 year old woman - Term Paper Example

? Applying the Five Stages of Grief to a Case Study of a 83 Year Old Woman Applying the Five Stages of Griefto a Case Study of an 83Year Old Woman Grief is a difficult issue at any time in a person’s life, but when the adult is older, there tends to be other challenges that happen because of their age. As an example, many older people will lose spouses, friends, and family as they age. This often forces them to think about their own longevity and they may be met with physical, emotional, and psychological crises (Gibson, 2012). Just as anyone else, elderly people have to adjust to the individual’s death and understand that their life goes on. Brief Background of Case Study The case study for this paper is an 83 year old woman who will be referred to as Mrs. X. Mrs. X has lost many people in her life. The first person she lost was her husband. In some respects, the husband’s death was more of a relief because of his constant fighting with Mrs. X. Mrs. X was left with a house payment, taking care of the house, and finding benefits she could use to sustain her home. Mrs. X was able to pay off her house eventually, and since her husband’s death, several friends and close family members have died. Mrs. X has never really dealt with any of these situations and she never attends their funerals because she does not like to see people in their coffin; she says this makes it feel too real for her own death. Mrs. X currently lives in a small town with her middle child, a daughter, whom she has a passive aggressive relationship with – the daughter takes her to doctors’ appointments and shopping, but basically Mrs. X is left at home to sit and watch television. Mrs. X has pretty much ignored grieving for any of these people, except for her oldest sister who died last year. Mrs. X still thinks of her sister because she was the last person that Mrs. X had to talk to in her family. In exploring the stages of grief, the stages will be applied to what might have happened if Mrs. X had allowed herself to grieve her friends and family. The Five Stages of Grief Kubler-Ross (2013) created a model that explains the various stages that people go through to come to terms with grief. Although Kubler-Ross applied these stages to death, these stages can also be used to understand any type of loss a person moves through. Although she has arranged the stages in a certain way, she acknowledged that each person’s grief is different, and each person may go through the stages in different ways; in fact, they may also go through the stages in more than one way. In the next section, the five stages that Kubler-Ross created will be discussed and applied to Mrs. X. Stage 1: Denial Denial is the first stage of grief in which the individual denies that the individual has died. Kubler-Ross (2013) states that this is a natural part of grief because the individual often dies unexpectedly. Some people can become stuck in this stage when the grief is particularly traumatic. Mrs. X has been in this stage, particularly with her sister. She often states, “I just can’t believe she’s gone”. She also talks about wanting to call her for her birthday and so forth, and then remembers she is dead and calls. Mrs. X has had the most difficult time adjusting to her sister’s death. Gibson (2012) states that for older people, the idea of their loved one dying is known, but it can take time to be realized. Gibson points out that when two people have been in a relationship for a very long time, when one part of the relationship dies. The one who did not die (in this case Mrs. X) may feel more vulnerable in their functioning and emotionally. Perhaps this is one reason that Mrs. X is content to watch television instead of going on with her life. Stage 2: Anger Many people become angry when someone the love dies. They can be upset with themselves for not doing what they could have done, or they can be mad at God for taking their loved ones. Often, the individual may lash out at family members or friends because they are upset about the death (Kubler-Ross, 2013). One of the relatives that Mrs. X entered this stage in was her sister-in-law, Ruth (not her real name). Ruth helped Mrs. X on many levels, including helping her write out money orders for her bills. At one point, Ruth taught Mrs. X how to fill out the money orders, and died shortly after. Mrs. X was very angry about this, though she still would not go to Ruth’s funeral. Instead, she withdrew more inside herself. This often happens with older adults when they are not sure what to do after the death of a loved one. Kim (2009) states that anger is a natural reaction to separation and loss for older people and it can appear differently with different people. Mrs. X has never really allowed her anger to surface. When asked, she says that she is not angry and that she understands that the person has died. It would appear that Mrs. X is stuck somewhere between the first two stages. Stage 3: Bargaining Bargaining is the third level of Kubler-Ross’ ( 2013) model. In this stage, the person often tries to negotiate another solution with God or with someone who is leaving or is dying. As an example, the person who is living may ask the dying person to stay, or they may ask someone they are breaking up with if they can still maintain a friendship. In bargaining, the individual is attempting to strike a deal so that the dying person will stay. Mrs. X has not gone to this stage. She has often wondered why God took the people that she loved, but she has not gone to the bargaining stage. Bargaining seems to happen in the beginning stages of grieving and this may not have occurred to Mrs. X to do. Stage 4: Depression Most people will feel depressed when someone dies and in this stage, Kubler-Ross (2013) says that the individual is beginning to accept the loss. With the loss also come the emotions of grief, sadness, fear, and often anxiety as the individual begins to understand and accept the loss. Gibson (2009) states that depression is a difficult stage because the society in which we live does not allow people to cry and grieving openly is often seen as a weakness, but it often happens in the elderly when they have lost many people in their lives. Mrs. X cries alone often she says because she does not have anyone to talk to about what she is feeling. In the past, she had friends or relatives that she could talk to. Today, she does not. People have gone in and out of Mrs. X life. As an example, another sister-in-law was actively involved in Mrs. X’s life, and then her sister-in-law’s oldest sister died. This death made Mrs.X’s friend deteriorate in her cognition and she is now battling dementia. Mrs. X does not understand what happened with her friend or why she turned away. Mrs. X does not trust many people, so she has not been able to replace her support people. Kim (2009) states that there are many factors that determine how an individual expresses their depression. Whether they are a religious person or whether they have social support can decide how they will deal with grief. As stated previously, Mrs. X really does not have a support system anymore. She has a daughter who lives with her, a son who lives in the same area, and a twin sister she never talks to because they fight when they are together. Mrs. X’s daughter lives with her but interacts with her mother as little as possible. Her son visits her once a week, but they do not talk about anything emotional. She has no other support system because she has difficulty getting to know and trusting people, and most of the people she felt close to, have died. Stage 5: Acceptance The final stage in the Kubler-Ross (2013) model is acceptance. In this stage, the individual has resolved their challenges with death and they accept that the person has died and will no longer be with them. At this stage, the individual realizes it is time to move on with their life. Connelly (2012) adds that the idea of hope is one of the elements that motivates an individual to keep moving through the grief process. Connelly states that this idea of hope is actually a part of all phases of the grief process and makes sure that people will continue to grieve. Many elderly people go back to a reliance on his or her religion or culture to help them grieve their loss. As an example, they may pray about the situation and ask God to show them the way to get through the grieving process. The individual may also take solace in his or her religion. An additional aspect of the grieving process, and of this stage, is for the individual to understand that death is nothing to be afraid of, but it is a part of the cycle of life and death. Davis-Berman (2011) found, through conversations with people in nursing homes and assisted living programs, that many were not afraid to die because they had resolved issues around dying. Mrs. X has the hope that things will get better, but she has not been able to get to a full acceptance of her death. In fact, one of the reasons she does not go to funerals is because they remind her that she will one day die. Mrs. X does not talk about her feelings about death because it is too close to her. She does not feel she has anyone she can talk to about what she is feeling. Although she lives with her daughter, her daughter does not allow her to talk about the past or how she is feeling. This limitation has further isolated Mrs. X. Conclusion The five stages of grief –denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are important to the grieving process. As people grow older, they are faced with their own impending death. Often, they find themselves living after a spouse dies and they may see many of their friends and family die before their death. Our society does not talk about death openly, so many elderly people are afraid of death to some extent, while others find a way to accept that death is a part of the cycle of life. It is important for older people to move through the death states, because as they move through these stages, they are able to understand and accept death. Also, as people age and experience their friends and family members dying, they gain a better understanding of death. People do grieve differently, and the stages of death may not be done in the order presented, but each stage is a vital step in helping the individual understand the process of death. References Connelly, M. (2012). Kubler-Ross five stage model. Change Management Coach. Retrieved from http://www.change-management-coach.com/kubler-ross.html Davis-Berman, J. (2011). Conversations about death: Talking to residents in independent, assisted, and long-term care settings. Journal of Applied Gerontology, 30(3), 353-369. doi: 10.1177/0733464810367637 Gibson, J. (2009). Living with loss. Mental Health Practice, 12(5), 22-24. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/217217311?accountid=35812 Gibson, J. (2012). How cognitive behaviour therapy can alleviate older people's grief. Mental Health Practice, 15(6), 12-17. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1021962903?accountid=35812 Kim, S. (2009). The influence of finding meaning and worldview of accepting death on anger among bereaved older spouses. Aging & Mental Health, 13(1), 38-45. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.apollolibrary.com/10.1080/13607860802154457 Kubler-Ross, E. (2013). Five stages of grief. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross Foundation. 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