Unexpected Death and Grief - Report Example

Unexpected Death and Grief Introduction. The bottom line in life is that we shall all die. What really counts is when and how will the inevitable hithome. Robert (2006) says that the mortality of human beings has never really been questioned. In the book the psychology of death, the writer argues that religious leaders, scientist, political leaders and all other famous and historical figures have always agreed that death is the ultimate destiny for all human beings. It is for this reason that various theories have been put across on how to deal with the inevitable. Thanatology is one area of study that is associated with death. Thanatology is derived from the Greek word “Thanatos” which literally means death. It is the scientific study of death and all other events that are associated with it. This study is interdisciplinary in nature and encompasses the events that precede the death of an individual and those that happen after death. It also takes a keen look at the society’s reaction to death and other rituals that happen during this sad period. The grief that hits the family members, close friends and colleagues is also captured in this study. Florence and Austin (2003) are of the view that death was previously ignored by philosophers due to the preoccupation with more logical aspects of life most of which bring pleasure and keep pain away. They argue that man is naturally tempted to talk about things that bring pleasure and avoid those that bring pain. The two also point out that individuals (especially in Africa) avoid the subject of death because they believe that the mere mention of the name attracts misfortune. However with time, people begun to appreciate the inevitable and hence the study of thanatology was accepted in the modern society. Today it is a core subject in the medical profession. It is studied by nurses, psychologists as well as psychiatrists with the sole aim of helping individuals handle death and its ripple effects. Death and varied degrees of grief. Asked how they wished to die in a random radio interview, people gave various responses. Some said that they would wish to die in their sleep while others said that they would rather say goodbye to this world courtesy of an airplane accident. Others pointed out that they would wish that Jesus comes back and gave them their judgment while still alive. Quite a number said that they would rather not discuss the subject. As evident in the radio interview, the issue of death draws mixed reactions and emotions among different people. Philosophers argue that the manner in which one dies determines the emotion and grief that accompanies the death. For instance, the death of a recently graduated youth draws more sympathy and grief than a retired senior citizen in a nursing home. In the same breathe, a death occasioned by a car accident evokes more emotion and grief than one that is caused by cancer. Florence and Austin (2003) have an explanation why this happens. They point out that when death is predicted, then it slightly loses its cruelty. This argurement is supported by Robert (2002) who says that human beings are capable of adapting to any harsh condition if they are psychologically prepared. Consequently, an unexpected death results in more anguish, pain and grief to the relatives than one which is expected and can actually be predicted. A case which caught the nation’s attention and is a perfect example of the difference between an expected death and an unexpected one involved a marine serving in Iraq. Josh Baker was barely 19 years when he was sent to serve in Iraq. His mother was resigned to fate and given the ever rising number of US casualties, then she was sure that her son would be among the dreaded statistics. Luckily enough the young Josh returned home safe and sound. However that is where the good news ends for the young baker as he died in a car accident when he returned home. His mom was severely affected by the loss and sunk into depression after the sudden loss. In an interview with CBS, she said that the loss would have been more bearable had it occurred in the battle fields of Iraq. Echoing from the grave. The story had a strange twist. While he was 10, Josh had written a note with his name put it in bottle and threw it into White Lake in Wisconsin. The firm instruction was that whoever saw the note should put it in the news. This happened and was no doubt the talk of town for a number of days in Wisconsin. This reinforces a theory advanced by John Martin in his book Metaphysics of death (1993). The author who has written extensively about death says that the dead have a way of communicating with their loved ones. This can be in dreams or other unique occurrences that remind them that they once lived in this world. In this case, the mother of Josh said that her son was “keeping in touch” and reminding her that he was well wherever he had gone. The discovery of the note worked miracles and mom now put all her effort in raising her other two children well ware that her son rested in peace. While death is painful, John (1993) says that time is always the master healer. He also agrees with the view that when death is expected then the grief is less. John also says that when there is a huge time gap between sickness and death then the bereaved are psychologically prepared and the effect of the loss is lessened. Another perfect example of the difference between an expected death and an unexpected one happened in the UK. Princess Diana was a loved public figure in Britain and was hugely popular. Her sudden death was a big jolt to the Britons and some have never recovered from it even today. Recently another public figure Jade Goody was diagnosed with cervical cancer which gave her the ultimate sentence. She was to die in a few months. The public was shocked with the harsh reality but with time came to accept the inevitable. When the curtain finally fell on the life of the former Big Brother celebrity, the jolt was not as hard as that of Diana the princess of Wales. The death in this case was expected hence less grief. According to John (1993) an unexpected death causes even more pain and grief if it did not occur in a natural way. In this case an unexpected death which occurs in a natural way causes less grief than one which occurs in a suspicious manner. Let us take the example of Princess Diana again. Most people around the world felt that her death would have been avoided if more precaution was taken. Another chunk threw a spanner into the work by claiming that she was murdered due to her association with a Muslim. This ultimately caused even more grief to the public and led to the formation of a commission of inquiry into her death. To this day the issue has never come to a rest. This theory asserts the widely held belief that the soul of a murdered person never rests in peace until the culprit is nabbed and justice seen to have been done. The OJ Simpson murder trial was a sensation one and hit the headlines for quite some time. He was accused of the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman. At the end of a long trial, the not guilty verdict was given. This infuriated Ronald’s parents said that their son’s soul would not rest in peace until justice was done. They went ahead to sue for civil damages. This case is good proof that the grief is more when an unexpected death occurs in a suspicious manner. People will go to any extreme to seek justice on behalf of the deceased. This causes even more mental torture, pain and anguish. Softening the hardness of truth Florence and Austin (2003) like to get philosophical. They say that where death occurs, there is always the attempt to soften the hardness of truth with the milk of mercy. Take the all important issue of the name. Today, one is rarely said to have died. There is a more subtle way of putting across this otherwise very direct message. One is said to have passed on. According to the two authors, this is more appealing to the ears and an easier way of describing a very grave situation. There are also the unwritten rules about death. A dead person particularly in Africa is all but declared a saint by the living. Hardly is anything that is not so pleasing said about a person who has gone to visit the land where no visitor returns. The silent rule states that it is unfair to judge people who have gone to their rest. This hard task is left to the almighty when the final day of reckoning comes and we shall all stand in the dock waiting for the ultimate judge. Medical professionals say that the increase in the number of terminal illnesses is one of the major reasons that have led to the study of thanatology. HIV/Aids and Cancer are some of the diseases that cause untold suffering to the patients whose death is predictable. Such patients require extensive counseling to make their final days on earth much more bearable. Thanatology helps paramedics to empathize with these patients and counsel them appropriately. Experts say that such patients are made to believe that death is not as bad as it is made to look. After all no one knows what happens in the next world. What if it is a place where individuals just eat, sleep and do not toil? These are just some of the possibilities that are covered in thanatology. Basically the study seeks to give a soft landing to individuals who are heading to the next world by encouraging them not to fear the unknown since it could present better fortunes for them. Thanatology also seeks to reassure relatives and friends of a departed person that their kin has gone to a better place. It borrows from a well used phrase in times of death that one has finally been set free from the troubles of this world and has consequently rested in peace. Thanatology also covers the whole process of burial and takes great exception to the manner in which an individual is buried. The choice of coffin is not just a casual affair when it comes to thanatology. This theory argues that some people want a coffin that is tailored to the life they lived while they lived on earth. For instance a man of style who drove a prestigious car may want his coffin to resemble that car. A sports fanatic may wants his/her coffin emblazoned with colors of a particular sports team. Conclusion. Death is not everyone’s cup of tea and the subject is always given a wide berth. In some cultures even the mere mention of the name is strictly forbidden. These facts notwithstanding, death is always with us and will visit each and every one of us. The difference is when and how it will strike. That is why medical experts decided to seek ways of handling death with the sole purpose of reducing the suffering of all those who are affected by it. With this in mind the theme of thanatology was brought to the fore. Bottom line is that it has helped demystify death. The subject is now freely discussed in the society. Above all it has helped to improve the quality of life of the dying and those that they leave behind. Reference: Florence M, & Austin H, (2003). Philosophical Aspects of Thanatology, New York: Ayer Publishing. Robert Kastenbaum, (2006). The psychology of death (3rd Ed) New York: Springer Publishing. John M Fischer, (1993). The Metaphysics of Death, California: Stanford University Press. Read More